.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hey out there! 

There I was, on the playground with Petit Joel all afternoon. I had my workout pants on, my new sneakers and a t-shirt just because you never know. Petit Joel played nicely in the sand; first alone, then with other kids. I overheard conversations other parents had who sat close to me while I read my book. They said nothing of major interest and I tried to tune them out also mostly because of the high pitched voices.  The conversations literally evolved around “my baby is number one“, “we have signed up little Milo for piano lessons at age two, my nipples were so sore after breastfeeding last night, can I borrow your breast pump, has anybody heard of these new diapers that are out now, my husband is the best father ever to I have to go now because Ann-Marie’s violin class starts.

Out of a sudden, Petit Joel cried and was covered in sand. “Milo, stop throwing sand at the other boy,” one mom screamed then continued talking to someone else. Of course Milo did it again. And again and his mom just looked at me with these what-can-I-do-eyes. They are just kids, right? Petit Joel threw some sand back at Milo and everything was a-okay again. Now Milo cried. “Milo never does that. Your son must have provoked him, “Milo’s mom said. At this point I put my book to the side. Why can’t I just read in peace because this book is awesome and so funny. 

Milo’s mom on the other hand was not in the mood for fun at this point. Petit Joel was fine. He rubbed the sand off and discovered new toys. Who remained was Milo, Milo’s mom, Milo’s mom’s three friends and I. (and my book) For some reason and totally out of the blue, all mom’s attacking me at this point. How well behaved their kids are, and how they never throw anything. “And by the way, we have never seen you at this playground anyway, “one bitchy mom said. It was a hot day. Sticky and even a bit humid. I was still calm to this point. Seriously was. Sort of like, “F…you, mean moms. I just want to read my book here in the shade!” 

“So why are you here at this playground with your rude son? Instead of sitting here reading, you could just take better care of him so he won’t hit our kids with sand!” That did it. I smiled at them and told them that I just moved here and that I am gratefully sorry for what Petit Joel did. Out of a sudden, they all wanted to be my friend. The my-son-is-number-one-mom wanted to be my friend. I thought about running away + book but there was Petit Joel enjoying the slide so much that I started a “conversation” with them. It started innocently enough by just some small talk. “Oh, wow, so your husband’s job is really dangerous, huh?” “Do you miss him?” “Do you want to have more kids?” “Wow, Germany is really fantastic. All that beer and the Octoberfest!” [Strangely, this is mostly the first thing people tell me when they find out I am from Germany. Why is that?] The conversation itself bothered me because I felt, they could not care less about me. Every time I asked them something, they changed the subject and came right back with some other dumb question. 

I just mentioned that Petit Joel started preschool and they have to rest from 1pm to 3 pm every day. Petit Joel did not take an afternoon nap since he is one year old. Gone were two hours of daily freedom. I just mentioned that I cannot wait to see how he is doing in preschool. “Well, Milo (damn you, Milo’s mom) slept right through from the beginning. Even when he was still inside of me, he slept through the night. Usually, he would sleep all day too, just to let you know,” Milo’s mom said. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is so great and wonderful, ” I said while packing my things to leave. People like her just annoy me so much. What’s with the competition? We are in this boat together. All mom’s know that some days suck so badly you would love to leave your kid at Småland at IKEA and never pick it up again.  But why are some moms like this? Petit Joel is fluent in German and English, but HER kid is fluent in six languages. He can also pee the alphabet in the sand and started some quantum physics exercises with his dad. 

I like competition. Whenever it comes to sports and whatnot I want my team or me to win. But the mompetition even started while I was pregnant. “Oh, you gained that much weight? I just gained five pounds throughout the entire pregnancy!” Whatever. Judging all the time but why? A natural childbirth to a medicated one, sushi or no sushi while pregnant, a glass of wine or not or schnaps. I gave these women what they deserved. A pat on the back and a compliment. What a great job you are doing! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  You can be proud of yourself. There have been times when I wanted to step up to enter this non existent game of who the better parents/mom is but who the hell cares. No time for this. And usually, when I ask super-moms for tips, they shut down pretty quickly, too. “So how did you potty-train Milo? You said he was clean at six months, right?” Questions like this can sometimes also backfire, so be prepared to listen to stories for three hours +. 

I reckon it is all about their own insecurities so they are attempting to make you feel bad so they can shine. I just know that I do my best for Petit Joel. I give everything I have and more that seems right for him and me. “Bye Milo,” Petit Joel said while he climbed in the stroller. He looked at me and said,”Time to go and eat, Mommy. Had enough.” My sweet boy. And it was Milo who threw the sand first. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSEPA6TIgzc

“You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine told me that she is going through some major changes in her life. She told me she stopped smoking, drinking and started working out like crazy. “Major changes – a real 360 degree change,” she said while sipping her coffee. My family and I go through some changes as well. There is a big milestone ahead of Petit Joel. He will start preschool tomorrow. Even typing this gives me tiny goosebumps. How is this even possible? I just gave birth to him, right? How I used to rock him to sleep on my bed before he drifted off. Then I smelled his hair or felt his tiny breath on my neck, thinking about all the places he will go. How our life together will be, who he will become. 

Yesterday I bought him a baseball hat because he needs one for preschool. He looks so grown up. Also, while going through his clothes to find something nice for him to wear tomorrow, I realized that a bunch of stuff is too short already. Again! Didn’t we just purchase those jeans?  All this stuff runs through my head. Thinking how he was last year or the year before. And one day, he will walk to school alone for the first time. It feels so weird sometimes. So unreal, thinking about how it is all going from where I was a couple of years ago. I never wanted to have children and suddenly we are here, getting ready for a new chapter in his tiny life. 

Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss 

This evening I made dinner for Petit Joel and we sat together later with a book and talked for a while. There was a little tree trimming action in the park where we live and Petit Joel loved it. It is always interesting to ask about chainsaws and whatnot when it is time to go to bed I reckon. He laid his head in my lap and asked me to pet his hair. He was quiet for some time after and I took it all in; enjoyed the silence and thinking that I will remember this night probably forever. Soon however it will feel that this day will be a million miles away and he will go to school. I was looking forward to this day for a long time; especially after realizing that he needs to be around other kids when we have been to the playground. And I was fortunate enough to raise him at home for almost three years. In any case, his first day of preschool will sort of end this time as we know it. I know he will be fine. I know he will love it. Tomorrow he will be playing with his new little friends for approximately one hour to get him used to the whole preschool concept. This will continue for a week or so, depending how comfortable he is when eating or “resting” there after lunch. 

I know my little man is ready because I prepared him for this. Am I ready? I am. I am his mother but I also know that I have to let him go, discover and explore on his own. Also, at some point he will pack his suitcase and move out. Hah! And as fast as those three years had gone by, this time will be here in like 10 minutes. So I am sitting here at the kitchen counter, typing this while he is sound asleep in his bed. I take a step back, take a little moment and file this night away. Preschool Eve for my first baby, everyone.  Here we go…

Hello and Happy Thursday! 

If you read my blog for a while, you know that whenever it comes to beauty products, I prefer to use those that are as natural as possible to no products at all. My make-up routine if you can call it as such is here. Also some of the products I use for body and hair.  Since I live in Canada now I search for organic, natural beauty products here. I discovered Kardish store which made me instantly happy. Many products I know and use are available though a bit pricier than in Germany. I like to see stores like this doing well and that people rather chose those products than all that chemical stuff one can purchase in a regular store. Back to nature it is, so I was on a hunt for a new deodorant. I used traditional baking soda (Arms& Hammer) for the longest time but I discovered that,  throughout the hotter months, it leaves nasty white stains on my black t-shirts. I also want to see what else is out there. Open for new things, you know. 

So I walked into Kardish store a couple of weeks ago and discovered Piper Wai and love, love, love it. There are a bunch of other natural deodorants out there, but I did not like any of them. My sweat usually never smells bad, but some “natural” deodorants left me with this wet, nasty feeling under the armpits, don’t work at all, are sticky, made me smell weird or stain my clothing. When the nice sales person at Kardish showed me Piper Wai, I was a bit skeptical because of the dark/grey color but the smell of essential oils was amazing. I tried it at home and it is wonderful. To apply, I took a pea-sized amount and rubbed it into my armpits. It won’t leave a grayish stain and rubs in totally clear. It is not sticky on the fingers after I apply it but I still do wash my hands. I can put it on right after shaving without irritation at all. It feels also very gentle and is, besides the essential oil, free of any smell. It is also a nice way to give yourself a breast massage here and there and see what is going on with your armpits. 

Why is it black? It is dark because it is made of activated charcoal which holds a lot of weight in moisture. A little insight from the webpage:

“PiperWai is the first naturally powerful, aluminum-free deodorant that uses activated charcoal to absorb wetness and fight odor. Natural ingredients like organic coconut oil, shea butter, and pure vitamin E soothe even the most sensitive skin. Our stain-free formula rubs in clear and won’t discolor your clothes. Meet your new essential.”

A jar of Piper Wai costs &11.99 on their website but it is still so worth it because of the tiny amount I use. Besides this, we ALL know about the side effects that aluminum used in most deodorants poses to users, right? Just a little reminder in case you don’t know: BREAST CANCER. And who wants that, right!? I don’t need to apply a deodorant to block my sweat glands to keep sweating because this is what they are supposed to do. If you think about all the chemicals we are exposed to every single day, one can start to make better choices somewhere. Health is the most important thing we have. Food for thought. 

Have you tried Piper Wai yet? Do you use a different deodorant that works really well for you? Share your comments below if you would like. Or email me. I would love to hear from you. <3