.SOMETIMES RAW.

During my careers over the past 25 years, I’ve developed a few strong work beliefs. For example: Always have hard conversations in person, not over email. Take all your vacation, and stay home if you are sick. Everything takes forever, so factor in more time than you think you’ll need. Obviously, there are many others but what is the #1 career lesson I’ve learned and the thing I teach my colleagues to do? The big takeaway I hope my kid will absorb? Here it is, and once you do it, it becomes easy…

Say a kind and firm no.

I say no allllllll day long, and I have zero emotions around it. People want a lot of things, and that’s great! They should ask for them! I ask them for things, too! But that doesn’t mean we all owe each other everything, just because we want stuff. You need to guard your time and bandwidth, and it’s absolutely fine to say yes or no to whatever is asked of you.

Saying no does NOT mean you’re ungenerous or unkind to others; it simply means you are careful with what you agree to take on. And when you say no, you can say bigger yeses!

Here’s one way to think about it: You have a certain amount of “coins” of time and bandwidth per day, and it’s up to you how you spend them. You wouldn’t give money to everyone who asked, and in the same way, you don’t need to give your help or time or energy just because people ask. If someone wants you to look over their resume, and that takes two coins, do you have two coins to spare? If yes, go ahead and share those coins. But if not — if you’re saving those two coins for prepping for a meeting, or hanging out with your family, or even just staring at the ceiling — say a kind no. Your time and bandwidth are valuable and limited and 100% yours to spend.

For any recovering people pleasers: please know that people can absolutely handle the small disappointment of having you say no to their requests. Respect them and trust that they will be just fine! We believe in them! I once had a smart, wonderful friend who got twisted in knots because she listed an armoire on Facebook Marketplace, and a bunch of people replied, but she could only give the armoire to one of them. I assured her that those who did not get the armoire would be able to handle it. They could move forward, armoire-less, and still have a nice life. Plus, it’s not her — or your or my — responsibility to manage other people’s emotions, which is a lesson I’ve spent a lot of my life learning.

I think it’s especially important for women to learn to say no, easily and often, since we can often feel immense pressure to serve others. It gets easier and easier as you practice, and once you get good at it? Honestly, it feels like freedom.

Here are a few “no” phrases to have in your back pocket, if you need them:

Someone invites you to a party/dinner/event and you don’t have the bandwidth:

This sounds like so much fun, but sadly I’m not free!

I can’t make it that night, but please think of me next time.

I have unbreakable plans* that night, unfortunately, but have the best time.

Someone wants to crash at your place but you don’t have the bandwidth:

I can’t host this month, but I’d love to see you when you’re here.

I am not able to host right now, but want me to recommend a few cute Airbnbs?

I can’t host this month, but please reach out again in the future. I love you!

Someone wants you to help with their work, but you don’t have the bandwidth:

Sadly, I’m not doing any side projects at the moment because of time constraints, but thanks for thinking of me.

I promised myself I wouldn’t take on anything else right now (bc of other commitments), so I have to pass, but I hope it goes so well.

Unfortunately, I’m booked up with my own stuff right now, but I’d love to help next time if the timing works!

* taking a hot bath, going out for ice cream, or reading in bed all count as unbreakable plans

Sometimes you’ll hear people say, “Just say yes, and you’ll figure it out. Just take the opportunity.” I’m like, “No. You can say no. Maybe you should say no a lot.” I’ve said no so many times. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have a job. So many people ask you for things constantly. Just find a kind and gracious way to say no, and say it over and over and over until there’s something you feel will really bring you value or there’s a real reason for doing it. But definitely don’t say yes to everything. That’s bananas advice. Get good at saying no.

Thoughts? How do you feel about saying no?

via Bleubird

Greetings, and Happy New Year.

I hope your break was restorative in whatever way you needed most. Heartwarming, soul-mending, surrounded by the people you like and love, or at the very least, a moment of stillness and quiet. We have one last day with our tree in full glory before I begin operation breakdown, efficiently wiping all evidence of the holidays from our home. I’m usually sad to see it go, but I feel ready. Ready for normalcy, for routine, and for the small pleasure of things moving back where they belong.

I gave up on New Year’s resolutions many years ago. The demand for sudden, total self-improvement on January 1st seems absurd and somewhat punitive, and the guilt that follows when a novella of change attempted all at once inevitably fails is never worth the effort. Instead, I keep a small set of intentions that I return to or may need reinforcement. Without further ado…

Showing up for myself

I’m good at showing up for people I care about. I lend a hand or an ear or can offer advice when it’s needed and do it even on days I’d rather not. I take a certain pride in that. 

Where I struggle is in extending the same discipline to myself. This year, I want to keep my own promises with equal seriousness. If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I take my own advice. I schedule the appointments, book the class, do the work, and show up for myself daily, without negotiation. 

Four things

This is a practice I started in 2024 and one I’ve come to rely on. It helps me get things done and, more importantly, show up for myself. Most days, it keeps me productive. On the harder ones, it keeps overwhelming from taking the wheel. My daily to-do list allows space for only four things. That’s it.

The first is nonnegotiable. Something that needs immediate attention, usually work-related or time-sensitive. It’s something that keeps my family and me on track or a step closer to whatever comes next. It sits at the top of the list because it can’t be ignored. It’s one thing. Do it. Do it first.

The second is the things I’ve been avoiding. The doctor’s appointment. Garden and house projects to come. A return that needs to be dropped off before the window closes. The phone call that will take an hour, when I feel like I don’t have an hour to spend. 

The third is mine. Call it self-care if you want. Time spent in the kitchen prepping meals to make the evenings run smoothly. Doing nothing but drinking a cup of tea and reading my book on the couch. The deep-tissue Thai massage my back’s been begging for. Finishing my writing. Meeting a friend for a hike. Something chosen deliberately as a reminder that life is not only what needs doing. 

Four: Planning and making 2026 a travel & explore year. Destinations like Paris, New York, and Japan are on the 100% list.

Four things. That’s it. Everything else waits down below, patiently for another day and another list of four. More often than not, ticking those four boxes leaves me feeling accomplished enough to keep going. And sometimes, that’s when the real work begins.

A daily recap

I’ve always been able to keep a proper diary, journal, or this blog for years. In 2026, I want to take it easy. My last book, The Average of all Possible Things, was published in 2025, and I’ve let go of whatever expectations I’d attached to book writing for now. Whatever happens will happen, but I won’t force anything. It is fine if it is just a small pause at the end of the day to take stock and write down a few words. No full sentences required. 

Here are my entries so far:

1/1/2026: Started the year laughing with friends. Hoping it ends the same. Bed at 2am, oops. fruit for breakfast. Watched Pretty in Pink (1986). Not hungover since I celebrate sobriety for 3 years, but still napped in the afternoon. A lovely lazy day. HNY!

2/1/2026: Worked on my blog. Feeling motivated to push myself and make this year my bitch. Planned a couple of vacations for 2026. Thought about attending an Ashtanga Yoga Retreat. Vitisted my bookstore and bought many books. Duh! Spent the afternoon/evening reading.

3/1/2026: Woke up at 9 am. Had a nice breakfast and chat with my parents. Quiet morning with the X-mas tree and family. Indoor Playground with Joel, my sister and her kids. Joel yelling and then crying. Going to bed early.

4/1/2026: Laundry is done. Favorite sweatshirt is clean. Bought curtains online. Wrote for hours. Made lunch and dinner with mom. A good day.

That is all for now, but I will be here sooner rather than later—I made a promise to myself. 😉 

Happy New Year, and as always, thank you for reading! Don’t take yourself and life too seriously.

xx

P.S. Please share a goal or intention of yours with the class. I love this shit!

via The New Yorker

Have you ever been on hold for over one hour with your bank? My reason: subscriptions of a website I love to read ran out and cannot be renewed because my card was declined. For no reason! So, I called the 24-hour service hotline written with fat letters on the back of my bank card for help. Obviously, as one does. One problem I have is that more and more people get replaced by machines. Supermarkets, you name it. Robots and AI will rule the world eventually. To talk to a human being on a service hotline is almost impossible. This is what happened when I called my bank:

Thank you for dialing Bank A. Your call is very important to us. Please listen carefully, as our options have recently changed.

How can we assist you today? Please tell us what your concern is. To hear about our new payment options, press 1. Are you tired of long response times? Pulling your hair out because your card does not work even though it is full of your hard-earned money and nothing seems to be the problem? Consider upgrading to Bank A+ today. Jump the line for just 19.99 Euro per month. It’s a small price to pay for peace of mind and freedom. Why did you say “nervous breakdown” when we asked you how we can assist you? This is not how this works.

To log in to your bank account, press 2. Please have your username, password, and secondary device ready for two-factor authentication. To create a new account, press #. No emergency assistance will be sent to users without a verified account.

To speak with Reguigui, our new Indian speaking AI response assistant, press 3. This portion of the call will be monitored, but Bank A is not responsible for anything Reguigui may say or imply about your racial background. Recording conversations with Reguigui is strictly prohibited, and posting videos of you calling Reguigui insults will result in a fifteen-minute response delay during your next call. We promise it’s not worth it.

Please note: Attempting to speak with a live representative now incurs a five-euro convenience fee. Let’s see how long you can “hold the line”. We will play some nice elevator music on repeat until foam starts to build around your mouth.

To access our payment management portal, press 4. Paying for your bills online has never been easier.

To listen to some soothing Austrian folk music, press 5. You will be charged by the minute. (At this point I was on hold for 38! minutes and fuming!)

To report a crime in progress, please submit a recent bank statement and a professional reference from your employer. Once Reguigui confirms you meet our income threshold, press 6. To skip this step, press 1 and subscribe to Bank A+ today. Once again, we are not responsible for any weird sexual comments Reguigui may make during this process.

To invest in Bank A-Coins, press 7. We don’t know what they are useful for either.

To report a bank card theft, press 8. After several brief thirty-second ads, you’ll be redirected to an theft response professional. For legal reasons, we are required to inform you that said professional will be Reguigui.

To speak to a bank professional manager, go find one yourself out there. What, you want us to hold your hand through the whole thing? What are you, some kind of weirdo? Press 9 to add a fifty-euro “wealth redistribution” charge to your account, since you like our bank so much.

Press 0 to give up and disconnect the call. This will also charge ten euros to your account.

To speak to a human being, press 10. That’s the 1 key followed by the 0 key. This will definitely not take you to the Bank A+ subscription menu and charge you ten euros.

Stay on the line to engage in phone sex with Reguigui. Your call may be recorded for quality assurance and for Reguigui’s personal collection.

To hear these options again, beg. Get on your knees and beg.

Louder…

Louder…

There we go. Unfortunately, you took too long. Here comes Reguigui. We hope you like to play.

And again, thank you so much for your call. It is truly important to us. Please take our survey which we will send you to all your emails listed with us. We appreciate your phone call.