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.How to Go to the Bathroom while Wearing a Jumpsuit. *

*Because it is all fun and games until you are in a bathroom stall. You step inside the bathroom and shut the door. You lock the door. Get a good look at yourself in the dim lighting. You look great. Remember this because you’re about…

.Book Thursday.

Spring is around the corner, my darlings. I love everything about spring. The days are longer, more sun, warmer, more time spent outside, and long sunset evenings with friends and family. And of course, time spent with good books. So, determined to get excited about…

.33 Things that are EASIER With a Penis.

1. Peeing standing up.

2. Swinging it around like a helicopter.

3. Reaching things from the top shelf.

4. Wearing the same pair of pants to work all week.

5. Giving a presentation without being interrupted.

6. Getting a promotion.

7. Getting offered a salary commensurate with experience.

8. Getting paid more than they deserve for the work they’re doing.

9. Going their entire career without experiencing sexual harassment.

10. Being taken seriously at the doctor.

11. Getting there without a GPS.

12. Telling the GPS it’s wrong.

13. Dumping clean, unfolded laundry on the bed and calling it a day.

14. Washing one fork and saying they did the dishes.

15. Referring to time spent with their children as “babysitting.”

16. Forgetting their kid’s birthday.

17. Being forgiven for forgetting their kid’s birthday.

18. Taking an Uber alone after 9 pm.

19. Leaving their drink at the bar and going to the bathroom.

20. Walking down the street and not having an 85-year-old man drunkenly yell, “Hey sexy!”

21. Gaining ten pounds without being judged for the rest of their lives.

22. Baking five loaves of bread and eating them all in one sitting without shame.

23. Never getting asked about their “biological clock” and whether it is “ticking.”

24. Never getting asked if they think they really can “have it all.”

25. Not having to have an opinion about Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.

26. Not having to pretend they liked Big Little Lies.

27. Getting elected to neighborhood watch.

28. Getting elected to the school board.

29. Getting elected to the state legislature.

30. Getting elected to Congress.

31. Getting elected to the Senate.

32. Getting elected president.

33. Achieving an orgasm. Every. Single. Time.

.Book Thursday.

And now, one of my favorite topics: books. What are you reading these days? There is no shortage of amazing books right now and I am here for it. Both fiction and nonfiction, from hilarious to poignant, here’s what I have been reading… Save Me…

Does Mr. Perfect Exist?*

*We all know that nothing and nobody is perfect, but it is still worth a shot, right? The other day I had a conversation with a friend at work whose daughter dates the “perfect man who has everything a perfect man should perfectly have”. She…

.Book Thursday.

What books have you read lately? I’ve just finished one book and even though it was 832 looong pages it was totally worth it…

After seeing endless glowing reviews (“It’s not hyperbole to call this novel a masterwork — if anything that word is simply just too little for it,” one proclaimed) and getting the same recommendation from friend after friend for a couple of years, I finally made A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara my reading project. It was incredible — both the book and the experience of focusing on just one book. 

I don’t have a Kindle, so I lugged my brick of a book everywhere. It took up all the space in my bag, and preoccupied me during my lunch break at work, and on a short vacation (I felt like this). My ten-year-old wanted to know “How many stories” my book contained, and approximately every 25 minutes on the couch he asked me, “Do you want to read your grown-up book now?” Yes. Yes, I did.

Since reading  Gone With the Wind with rapt attention in the 90s, I’ve tackled many other big books. Anything from Murakami, to War and Peace, and Anna Karenina – just bring on the big books. Have you ever done that, or set yourself up for a reading project? My friend M. spent much of her time reading poems because she missed studying them in college. And a few months ago, another friend assigned herself epic cookbooks like Larousse Gastronomique and The Kitchen Diaries.

I love the idea of making a reading goal and going for it! This list by Italo Calvino (the new man in my life) makes me laugh: 

Sections in the bookstore —
– Books You Haven’t Read
– Books You Needn’t Read
– Books Made for Purposes Other Than Reading
– Books Read Even Before You Open Them Since They Belong to the Category of Books Read Before Being Written
– Books That If You Had More Than One Life You Would Certainly Also Read But Unfortunately Your Days Are Numbered
– Books You Mean to Read But There Are Others You Must Read First
– Books Too Expensive Now and You’ll Wait ‘Til They’re Remaindered
– Books ditto When They Come Out in Paperback
– Books You Can Borrow from Somebody
– Books That Everybody’s Read So It’s As If You Had Read Them, Too
– Books You’ve Been Planning to Read for Ages
– Books You’ve Been Hunting for Years Without Success
– Books Dealing with Something You’re Working on at the Moment
– Books You Want to Own So They’ll Be Handy Just in Case
– Books You Could Put Aside Maybe to Read This Summer
– Books You Need to Go with Other Books on Your Shelves
– Books That Fill You with Sudden, Inexplicable Curiosity, Not Easily Justified
– Books Read Long Ago Which It’s Now Time to Re-read
– Books You’ve Always Pretended to Have Read and Now It’s Time to Sit Down and Really Read Them

What about you? I’d love to hear which books you loved, or which ones you’re hoping to squeeze into the upcoming weeks of long days and warm nights. 

.How to Get Your Kids to Talk at Dinner.

Do you have kids? Do you want them to say more than two words at dinner? I have figured out (by reading about and studying linguistics and communication) ways to get a child talking (a lot!) during dinner. Here, I share my five brilliant conversation…

.Book Thursday.

As Shakespeare once wrote, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” But perhaps we should be grateful for this, because how else would we have such wonderful books about the many paths that love can take? Valentine’s Day is around the corner, people.…

.How to Talk To Your Child About (almost) Anything.

Raising kids today is more challenging than ever, but communication is key. Some subjects might make you uncomfortable, but addressing them honestly now will really help you out down the road. These sample dialogues between my son and me are a road map to addressing life’s thornier issues. Honestly.

The Facts of Life

CHILD: Where do babies come from?

MOM: What babies? I don’t see any babies around here, do you?

CHILD: I mean, when people have babies, where do they come from?

MOM: Space.

CHILD: Does that mean I’m from space?

MOM: Yes. You’re from Mars.

CHILD: I’m a Martian?

MOM: Yes, and if you don’t make your bed every day, Mommy will send you back to Mars to live with your real parents.

CHILD: You’re not my real mom?

MOM: No. You’re a Martian who was sent to live with an Earth family for your own protection. Your real mom is 16 feet tall and shoots lasers out of her eyes when she gets mad. Think about that next time I send you to your room. At least I didn’t burn all your toys with my laser-eyes.


CHILD: What are drugs, and should I do them?

MOM: Do you have any?


MOM: Then let Mommy watch Workin’ Moms.

CHILD: At school they said we should just say no.

MOM: Um, do I interrupt you when you’re watching Sesame Street?

CHILD: I’m 10. I don’t watch that anymore.

MOM: Wait, which kid are you?

CHILD: Joel.

MOM: Joel what?

CHILD: Joel Henry.

MOM: Freaky. We have the same last name.

CHILD: You’re my mom.

MOM: (Sigh.) I thought you were from Mars.

CHILD: I stopped believing that a long time ago.

MOM: Well, you’re going to get a big fucking surprise on your 16th birthday when your real mom lands in a spaceship in our backyard and snatches you out of the house with her spiny tentacles.

CHILD: I am not from Mars.

MOM: Prove it.


CHILD: Is it always wrong to go to war?

MOM: Excuse me, but what does the cardboard sign hanging around my neck say?

CHILD: It says, “Don’t talk to Mom. She is reeding.”

MOM: OK then.

CHILD: You spelled “reading” wrong.

MOM: You got the gist. Lot of good those spelling skills are going to do you where you’re going. They don’t even have colleges there. And they don’t speak English.

CHILD: Where am I going?

MOM: Do I have to say it?

CHILD: I wish I was never born.

MOM: You weren’t. You hatched from a big green egg.


CHILD: Is there a God?

MOM: I think your people worship a glowing orb or something.

CHILD: What do you mean, my people?

MOM: Martians.

CHILD: OK, that’s enough. I never believed that crap and I’m never going to.

MOM: Hey, OK, don’t get mad.

CHILD: I am mad. I am not a Martian! I am a human! Oh my God! What was that? Lasers just came out of my eyes.

MOM: I told you so.

CHILD: Shit.

MOM: And when your friends come over you can tell them who burned your Playstation with laser eyes.

CHILD: Holy crap. (laughs) I love you, mom. You are the best.

MOM: You are not bad either. Just hug me and give me a kiss. (and he does, every time)

.Book Thursday.

I received awesome feedback after posting the last book recommendation. Thank you! Then I came up with an idea. I am a voracious reader with a huge library (pictured above is one of many bookshelves, sigh!) at home. Since I love books so much, I…

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