Mompetition.

Hey out there! 

There I was, on the playground with Petit Joel all afternoon. I had my workout pants on, my new sneakers and a t-shirt just because you never know. Petit Joel played nicely in the sand; first alone, then with other kids. I overheard conversations other parents had who sat close to me while I read my book. They said nothing of major interest and I tried to tune them out also mostly because of the high pitched voices.  The conversations literally evolved around “my baby is number one“, “we have signed up little Milo for piano lessons at age two, my nipples were so sore after breastfeeding last night, can I borrow your breast pump, has anybody heard of these new diapers that are out now, my husband is the best father ever to I have to go now because Ann-Marie’s violin class starts.

Out of a sudden, Petit Joel cried and was covered in sand. “Milo, stop throwing sand at the other boy,” one mom screamed then continued talking to someone else. Of course Milo did it again. And again and his mom just looked at me with these what-can-I-do-eyes. They are just kids, right? Petit Joel threw some sand back at Milo and everything was a-okay again. Now Milo cried. “Milo never does that. Your son must have provoked him, “Milo’s mom said. At this point I put my book to the side. Why can’t I just read in peace because this book is awesome and so funny. 

Milo’s mom on the other hand was not in the mood for fun at this point. Petit Joel was fine. He rubbed the sand off and discovered new toys. Who remained was Milo, Milo’s mom, Milo’s mom’s three friends and I. (and my book) For some reason and totally out of the blue, all mom’s attacking me at this point. How well behaved their kids are, and how they never throw anything. “And by the way, we have never seen you at this playground anyway, “one bitchy mom said. It was a hot day. Sticky and even a bit humid. I was still calm to this point. Seriously was. Sort of like, “F…you, mean moms. I just want to read my book here in the shade!” 

“So why are you here at this playground with your rude son? Instead of sitting here reading, you could just take better care of him so he won’t hit our kids with sand!” That did it. I smiled at them and told them that I just moved here and that I am gratefully sorry for what Petit Joel did. Out of a sudden, they all wanted to be my friend. The my-son-is-number-one-mom wanted to be my friend. I thought about running away + book but there was Petit Joel enjoying the slide so much that I started a “conversation” with them. It started innocently enough by just some small talk. “Oh, wow, so your husband’s job is really dangerous, huh?” “Do you miss him?” “Do you want to have more kids?” “Wow, Germany is really fantastic. All that beer and the Octoberfest!” [Strangely, this is mostly the first thing people tell me when they find out I am from Germany. Why is that?] The conversation itself bothered me because I felt, they could not care less about me. Every time I asked them something, they changed the subject and came right back with some other dumb question. 

I just mentioned that Petit Joel started preschool and they have to rest from 1pm to 3 pm every day. Petit Joel did not take an afternoon nap since he is one year old. Gone were two hours of daily freedom. I just mentioned that I cannot wait to see how he is doing in preschool. “Well, Milo (damn you, Milo’s mom) slept right through from the beginning. Even when he was still inside of me, he slept through the night. Usually, he would sleep all day too, just to let you know,” Milo’s mom said. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is so great and wonderful, ” I said while packing my things to leave. People like her just annoy me so much. What’s with the competition? We are in this boat together. All mom’s know that some days suck so badly you would love to leave your kid at Småland at IKEA and never pick it up again.  But why are some moms like this? Petit Joel is fluent in German and English, but HER kid is fluent in six languages. He can also pee the alphabet in the sand and started some quantum physics exercises with his dad. 

I like competition. Whenever it comes to sports and whatnot I want my team or me to win. But the mompetition even started while I was pregnant. “Oh, you gained that much weight? I just gained five pounds throughout the entire pregnancy!” Whatever. Judging all the time but why? A natural childbirth to a medicated one, sushi or no sushi while pregnant, a glass of wine or not or schnaps. I gave these women what they deserved. A pat on the back and a compliment. What a great job you are doing! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  You can be proud of yourself. There have been times when I wanted to step up to enter this non existent game of who the better parents/mom is but who the hell cares. No time for this. And usually, when I ask super-moms for tips, they shut down pretty quickly, too. “So how did you potty-train Milo? You said he was clean at six months, right?” Questions like this can sometimes also backfire, so be prepared to listen to stories for three hours +. 

I reckon it is all about their own insecurities so they are attempting to make you feel bad so they can shine. I just know that I do my best for Petit Joel. I give everything I have and more that seems right for him and me. “Bye Milo,” Petit Joel said while he climbed in the stroller. He looked at me and said,”Time to go and eat, Mommy. Had enough.” My sweet boy. And it was Milo who threw the sand first. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSEPA6TIgzc