.SOMETIMES RAW.

Another hot day in Barcelona sightseeing. Wanderlust. No clue about fashion but my Lois Vuitton is usually next to me while traveling. 

After a long conversation with a very good friend of mine on fashion and why fashion blogs are so popular I had a packing/cleaning date this evening with my closet and realized again that neither skirts nor dresses feel quite right to me. I own a couple because I think I should own them. They are awesome when it is really hot, comfortable and make me feel feminine while shorts are more practical and boring in a way. I wear those when I chase Petit Joel around at the playground. I love my legs and I never regretted the tattoo that covers nearly my entire right leg. However, those awesome legs of mine never look as I want them to in denim shorts. Question: When are denim shorts simply too short? I am not into fashion at all and don’t know what is in style these days but I have seen a couple of “girls” today who wore shorts that seemed crotch-threatening. 

If you really want to pull this look off, you cannot have a face and have to hold something in your hand. At least you have hands. 😉 

So, why love/hate relationship? I put on a dress or skirt in the morning because it seems like a fun option since it is finally warm enough here in Canada. Secretly however I wish I could just change into my black or blue jeans. I love my jeans. All of them. I think I am officially addicted to jeans and plain, simple t-shirts.

For some time I gave up on dresses and skirts altogether. It seemed like I try to be someone I am not. I know that some clothes just look good or fit a certain type of woman and squeezing into something just because does not work for me either. Fashion industry tells me what to wear, what is in style or looks great. Since I question everything these days I have to say: Don’t tell me what to do, fashion industry! I can think for myself and decide what looks good on me! The other day I observed a woman in a secondhand clothing store trying on a dress. I could tell that the color was just wrong and the dress way too tight for her without any fashion knowledge whatsoever. But the saleswoman went on and on telling her how beautiful she looks in this dress. They want to sell thing, right?! “And this dress gives you this special glow which is so great since it is summer now!” I wanted to tell “the client” the truth but who am I? I have no clue about fashion while I look at secondhand cardigans from the 80s and know for sure that I can combine them with my white vintage Karate club t-shirt that rocks. 

I accepted that I just cannot wear certain things and I have determined a somewhat stylistic choice which states who I am and what my character and  persona is. Then again, it is just clothing and you don’t know me by just looking at what I am wearing. So many times, wearing a shorter skirt feels to me like being at a party that I don’t really want to attend in the first place but all my friends are having a great time so I am pretending I am in a good mood even though I feel like crap and want to go home and read.

I can also try to figure out my skirt/dress issue by simply noticing that it gets more and more difficult over time to think about why I don’t talk to certain ex-boyfriends anymore. It just doesn’t work and I stopped doing it. And I apply the silent treatment to things like fashion since, I reckon, this is a great way to deal with it. Otherwise, silent treatment sucks. Period. 

At the end of my cleaning/decluttering closet process tonight I put some of my dresses and skirts on and I like them. Maybe it is because they look more flattering since I lost a bit of weight, and I believe I will, before grabbing my regular pair of jeans, have a little feminine talk, and opt for the dress or skirt instead even though it is totally and entirely out of my comfort zone. A skirt forces me to think about matching tops and shoes and whatnot which is way too much stress in the morning. 

Will I transform this website into a fashion blog? Definitely not. My passion lies in thought, analyzing, writing and reviewing things rather than fashion. And this realization just feels like a nice, comforting little breeze around my nether regions while wearing a skirt. 

My son and I had been sick with pneumonia a couple of weeks ago and I started this little project of decluttering his room. We spent a lot of time inside since he had a high fever and the weather here in Canada was/is way too crappy to even take a walk. It is June and we had pretty much nonstop rain for the last couple of days. And cold. And miserable. I could see my breath while talking to my friend in the park today. It has been a rough couple of days at home after I picked him up from daycare since we could not go outside too much. Tough, difficult and hard times seem to have some magic magnets attached to each other I reckon. 

So what did we do all day when we were sick? What do you do when you are stuck at home with your (sick) child? When we both felt really sick we were just in and out of sleep on the couch on a Shrek binge-watch. By day three and four, we felt a bit better and I cleaned the house paying close attention to his room for some reason. I have been reminded once more that having less stuff is actually better for my son, too. It just is. He is more content, he plays with whatever he has and still does not even look at certain toys at all that I thought are salient for him to learn X, Y and Z. I know these triggers now because I am a mom. I also know because I have done quite some research, read a lot and observed how other families deal with the toy-situation and their kids. 

What I have learned so far with and through my son is that all he really wants is good food, love, a warm cozy bed or couch and some “weird” toys. He prefers sticks, rocks, sand, water, lentils, potatoes, dry pasta, dried fruit, pots and pans from the kitchen cabinet, wooden spoons used as drumsticks or my business card holder He also loves books. Yay! I realized by observing his playing habits that excess, mindless (dumb) toys make him confused and he does not focus too well. He seems more stressed out when there is too much going on. 

How did I get rid of his toys? How did I figure out what he really needs and likes to play with? I simply observed him and which toys attracted his attention and the ones he neglected totally. Actually and honestly he neglected most of them. The fancy Paw Patroller…. never plays with it. I am also thinking if any of these toys are adding value to him or our home and I observed that anything that won’t evoke his imagination too much is not interesting to him at all. 

I think it is important that he learns through play and that some toys are better than others. Does the toy offer for creativity? Most importantly for (us moms) him is: does he burn off enough energy with the toy and does he really love it? I think that everything we bring into our house should add some value/pleasure. I spoke to a friend the other day and she told me that her parents/extended family bought most of the toys that her son has. Also, that she has a lot of hand-me-downs. I read an article by Brian Gardner once who said “that we just need to look past our own closet to realize that what our child possesses is just a byproduct of our own habits and a result of spending choices we make”. He will be on a good path then. Needless to say, our kids observe whatever we do and we teach them daily. I changed the way I purchase certain things and this let’s me live overall pretty much clutter-free. 

Moreover, I arrange and select my son’s toys. If his toys are hidden away he won’t find them. I have them arranged in open bins in his room so he can choose what he wants to play with. This for some reason keeps him calm(er) when he plays. I don’t really want the house to be a complete mess and have toys all over so after he is done playing or when he goes to bed we clean up together. I think when my son observes how I arrange things with care and where I place them he learns.  This way, I teach him to take care of things, value them and clean up (German) rather than just throw his toys everywhere. 

Since I do it together with him, it is not a punishment. We are both happy to let go of certain toys, to donate them and welcome change. To get rid of certain toys gives my son and I extra space and time to innovate but also to be resourceful. This detox period was a lot of fun and he actually wanted to give his tricycle to a child who is younger. There was never boredom or anger when we put certain toys in the “give away” bin. I like to teach my son this important value that there is so much more in life than accumulating things that don’t really serve a purpose and that less is more. And eventually the concept of quality over quantity. Baby steps. No need to rush.