.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello!

If you have seen the movie Inside Out you know who is depicted in the picture above. Sadness! Sometimes I do think the world is a sad place. What is going on with the food, water, fracking, pollution and such. At some point, I just don’t know what to believe anymore. Is it good to eat organic? Or is it all poisoned as well? Is it okay to grow your own veggies or is the soil polluted to the point that I would be better off eating at a fast food chain? While all this is on my mind I think what values I teach my son. The values that I have and try to live by and at the same time raising my son in this world we are living in is tough sometimes. Some days I think about these things more, sometimes less; however, the thoughts are always present somewhere in my head. I always have been an emotional person, but since I became a mom it transformed into this stage of insanity. Even more emotions and more thinking. It is insane. Can’t anybody tell one all these things before having a child? Isn’t it hard enough already to be a woman? 🙂

Recently I received some Pixi Books from my favorite bookstore in Coburg – Riemann. I read to my son every single night, no matter what. Reading these Pixi-books to him – about this world of happiness and no problems makes me feel good. I am looking forward to all the changes that are about to happen, all the adventures my son will experience and enjoy. We always change. Change is present and around us at all times. We will move, travel, kindergarten, school, university or some other major milestones are around the corner. These are all big shifts in our little lives and it is okay but weird at the same time. I think about summer of 2015 which seemed it was just last month. We spent time at the beach as a family, I was glad to enjoy the entire spring and beginning of summer with my parents and see my son enjoy my parent’s garden. So let’s see what 2016 brings. This year is almost over which makes me emotional every time. This change, change in weather, temperature and season get me every time. I need  sun, and if there is none I get miserable. Yep, no sun here in Coburg for several days now. Vitamins D intake: increased! 

But usually, change is good. I am not a person to like routine too much. I feel bored easily. This being said, I am looking forward to change. To something new and excited and see where it all leads us; my family and I. So, here we are. The last couple of days in December. As I always say, how did this all happen? And why so fast? To look outside and see how things have changed since July when I have last been here it feels so strange in a way. The leaves are mostly gone, or brown. Life goes on. Things change. I look at my son and he looks so big and so grown-up out of a sudden. Didn’t I just carry him around all over the place and was tired of it and thought how nice it would be if he would already be able to walk? And now he runs and I can barely catch him. He is not a baby anymore. He talks, has his occasional tantrums (not bad, thankfully!) and a mind of his own. It is just so exciting. I am so happy that I am able to connect with my family here in Germany. Especially this time of the year. To see them all, my grandparents, uncle, aunt and family. My family is pretty small, so I treasure them even more. 

For the rest of the month I wish time would slow down a bit. I will think a bit harder about how I end up spending my time and with whom. There is literally no time to waste. What will happen in 2016? Will we be able to grow our family? Who knows and I don’t really push for anything. Whatever will happen will happen. I am glad to be in the here and now and I will focus only on this and at the present moment. I am thankful for what I have and looking forward to new opportunities and adventures while wiping away this tiny tear at the corner of my eye. 

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello!

Today was a great day. My son slept super long (11.15am!!!) and my husband and I were able to sleep in after we talked all night long. Yep, he is back from Congo and with his internet connection he has there it is almost impossible to have a normal conversation over the phone or even Skype. So when we physically see each other, a lot needs to be discussed. We sat in my parent’s kitchen and it was so awesome. Talking, drinking wine, eating cheese and enjoying each others company. He was so exhausted but tried to keep his eyes open while I told him about all the amazing things that happened with the website and my writing adventures. He went to bed shortly after. I stayed up to do some research on something that is on my mind for some time now. Do you know the movie A Beautiful Mind? It is definitely on my top-10 movies-list! There is one scene that I have thought about. John Nash’s Equilibrium Game Theory.  Watch it here:

When you see the group of women, what do you see? Yep, you see one that is outstandingly beautiful and breathtaking. And her friends accompanying her are also pretty but no bombshells, you know? So why do you think this is? Haven’t you observed that in many groups of women, there is one that fits exactly the profile above? I have tried to figure this out but I just don’t get it. Today, I was in Coburg with my husband and while strolling through the streets and stores to get some pictures for the website and projects done I did observe exactly that. One really pretty girl with one or two not so pretty ones. Of course, one cannot stereotype here or apply this rule to every woman/friend/girlfriend. Do women act like this to feel better about themselves? Is is an ego-booster? Does the let’s say, not-so-pretty-friend, think they will find a boyfriend while hanging out with the beautiful friend just because all the guys will stop and talk to her?

I believe is it called Bridesmaid Syndrome if I understood correctly in my Psychology 101 class in college. Meaning that no bride wants her bridesmaids to be more beautiful than her.

Well, is this a don’t see, don’t hear, don’t say-topic? I am really curious what you think about this. Does it mean the beautiful woman feels even more beautiful when she is around a less attractive women? Or does it mean they increase their value by association? Or do the less attractive ones feel prettier because they think that the pretty ones would not hang out with “ugly” girlfriends so they feel they are on the same level? Do you judge you friends by the way they look and secretly compare it to yours? Are the less attractive friends your real friends? Maybe the pretty girl is not so self-confident after all and needs her friend to accentuate their beauty? Many questions arise but this is what I observe on a daily basis and wonder in silence.

For me, the key is to be self-confident and secure in my own skin and then all this should not matter, correct? Also to love myself the way I am is important and to simply stop comparing myself to others. Unfortunately, kids compare themselves already in school. “Your pants are not as nice as the famous brand the girl in class wears”, for example. And we all know this one pretty girl in your class who had all  the attention of the boys.  From childhood on, this makes us feel like we are worth less, which is sad. I tell myself that I am great the way I am. Everything is the way it is supposed to be. I am unique. Think about it and share your thoughts if you would like.  Have a good evening and a good night.

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello!

So, these days I am writing and maintaining my little website from Germany. Already for over one week. Insane, I know and I keep mentioning it but my brain literally does not fathom how fast a week goes by. And why it has to be that fast. I have discovered a new book club on Friday which was so much fun. Have you ever heard of BookCrossing? It is so amazing. How many books do you have at home that you like but not love and would never read again? Do you want to keep them on your shelf? You have several options. You can donate them to your public library, throw them away, burn them (not a really nice thought!) or simply put them somewhere for anyone to pick up on the streets. Leave books at a café, on a park bench, train station, bus stations, you name it. BookCrossing is the website this book club uses to track the books they leave at certain places. We met at Sonderbar in Coburg, which is a nice restaurant/bar/live-music place with awesome food. It was my first time at the book club so I did not know what to expect. Everybody brought books to share and hand out. If you liked one book, you kept it. Then, you read it, love it and keep it, or simply leave the book somewhere. What an awesome concept. Also, they have two little free libraries in Coburg where many of BookCrossing books “live” – one located at the theater and one at Albertsplatz.

To read a real book is pure pleasure to me; is just one of the best ways to relax. To simply unwind from this crazy world we live in. There is just so much technology available. We download things, read on a Kindle, read online, search online, buy online, it is amazing what possibilities are out there.

Reading articles and newspapers online a lot, it is just natural to for me to follow a couple of blogs daily and I am always speechless by how many are out there. People designing, writing, taking photos, cooking, modeling, I don’t even know how many thousand different blogs are out there – it is just so easy to get lost searching and going through some of them. You like one, read a couple of posts and get a link to another one. It is never-ending.  I do get inspired and at the same time overwhelmed. Just the little thought that makes me think is that there are so many topics out there already and how I could be different from everybody else and special, you know.

I do think once in a while if there will ever be a point that I have nothing new to share. Something that has not been out there already. Anything that makes my little website special and worth reading and following. These little thoughts of how I can keep up with all these good blogs and this amazing stuff bloggers and writers are producing. Many bloggers I follow are in this business for years and I just started. You can google anything and it is already out there in a way. Every time I get this feeling, I do remember however that there is only ONE Sometimes Raw website out there and one family that is just unique like mine with our special stories. Usually, by keeping this in mind, I go back to my computer and type along, realizing that I am just a tiny voice in this huge overwhelming world-wide web. Sort of like being in this insane big room and everybody talking and shouting and every single person wants to be heard. But no voice is like my voice. No story is like my story. And no blog is like my blog. So I type along and love what I am doing. And this is the most important thing.

Thank you for reading my blog.