.SOMETIMES RAW.

“You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So… get on your way!”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine told me that she is going through some major changes in her life. She told me she stopped smoking, drinking and started working out like crazy. “Major changes – a real 360 degree change,” she said while sipping her coffee. My family and I go through some changes as well. There is a big milestone ahead of Petit Joel. He will start preschool tomorrow. Even typing this gives me tiny goosebumps. How is this even possible? I just gave birth to him, right? How I used to rock him to sleep on my bed before he drifted off. Then I smelled his hair or felt his tiny breath on my neck, thinking about all the places he will go. How our life together will be, who he will become. 

Yesterday I bought him a baseball hat because he needs one for preschool. He looks so grown up. Also, while going through his clothes to find something nice for him to wear tomorrow, I realized that a bunch of stuff is too short already. Again! Didn’t we just purchase those jeans?  All this stuff runs through my head. Thinking how he was last year or the year before. And one day, he will walk to school alone for the first time. It feels so weird sometimes. So unreal, thinking about how it is all going from where I was a couple of years ago. I never wanted to have children and suddenly we are here, getting ready for a new chapter in his tiny life. 

Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss 

This evening I made dinner for Petit Joel and we sat together later with a book and talked for a while. There was a little tree trimming action in the park where we live and Petit Joel loved it. It is always interesting to ask about chainsaws and whatnot when it is time to go to bed I reckon. He laid his head in my lap and asked me to pet his hair. He was quiet for some time after and I took it all in; enjoyed the silence and thinking that I will remember this night probably forever. Soon however it will feel that this day will be a million miles away and he will go to school. I was looking forward to this day for a long time; especially after realizing that he needs to be around other kids when we have been to the playground. And I was fortunate enough to raise him at home for almost three years. In any case, his first day of preschool will sort of end this time as we know it. I know he will be fine. I know he will love it. Tomorrow he will be playing with his new little friends for approximately one hour to get him used to the whole preschool concept. This will continue for a week or so, depending how comfortable he is when eating or “resting” there after lunch. 

I know my little man is ready because I prepared him for this. Am I ready? I am. I am his mother but I also know that I have to let him go, discover and explore on his own. Also, at some point he will pack his suitcase and move out. Hah! And as fast as those three years had gone by, this time will be here in like 10 minutes. So I am sitting here at the kitchen counter, typing this while he is sound asleep in his bed. I take a step back, take a little moment and file this night away. Preschool Eve for my first baby, everyone.  Here we go…

Hello and Happy Thursday! 

If you read my blog for a while, you know that whenever it comes to beauty products, I prefer to use those that are as natural as possible to no products at all. My make-up routine if you can call it as such is here. Also some of the products I use for body and hair.  Since I live in Canada now I search for organic, natural beauty products here. I discovered Kardish store which made me instantly happy. Many products I know and use are available though a bit pricier than in Germany. I like to see stores like this doing well and that people rather chose those products than all that chemical stuff one can purchase in a regular store. Back to nature it is, so I was on a hunt for a new deodorant. I used traditional baking soda (Arms& Hammer) for the longest time but I discovered that,  throughout the hotter months, it leaves nasty white stains on my black t-shirts. I also want to see what else is out there. Open for new things, you know. 

So I walked into Kardish store a couple of weeks ago and discovered Piper Wai and love, love, love it. There are a bunch of other natural deodorants out there, but I did not like any of them. My sweat usually never smells bad, but some “natural” deodorants left me with this wet, nasty feeling under the armpits, don’t work at all, are sticky, made me smell weird or stain my clothing. When the nice sales person at Kardish showed me Piper Wai, I was a bit skeptical because of the dark/grey color but the smell of essential oils was amazing. I tried it at home and it is wonderful. To apply, I took a pea-sized amount and rubbed it into my armpits. It won’t leave a grayish stain and rubs in totally clear. It is not sticky on the fingers after I apply it but I still do wash my hands. I can put it on right after shaving without irritation at all. It feels also very gentle and is, besides the essential oil, free of any smell. It is also a nice way to give yourself a breast massage here and there and see what is going on with your armpits. 

Why is it black? It is dark because it is made of activated charcoal which holds a lot of weight in moisture. A little insight from the webpage:

“PiperWai is the first naturally powerful, aluminum-free deodorant that uses activated charcoal to absorb wetness and fight odor. Natural ingredients like organic coconut oil, shea butter, and pure vitamin E soothe even the most sensitive skin. Our stain-free formula rubs in clear and won’t discolor your clothes. Meet your new essential.”

A jar of Piper Wai costs &11.99 on their website but it is still so worth it because of the tiny amount I use. Besides this, we ALL know about the side effects that aluminum used in most deodorants poses to users, right? Just a little reminder in case you don’t know: BREAST CANCER. And who wants that, right!? I don’t need to apply a deodorant to block my sweat glands to keep sweating because this is what they are supposed to do. If you think about all the chemicals we are exposed to every single day, one can start to make better choices somewhere. Health is the most important thing we have. Food for thought. 

Have you tried Piper Wai yet? Do you use a different deodorant that works really well for you? Share your comments below if you would like. Or email me. I would love to hear from you. <3

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

I love my son; so so much. However, there are days when he seriously drives me crazy. He has it all, but he still cries and throws tantrums. I just had a tiny argument with le husband (well, he would say now that he did not have an argument with me; just me, myself and I which is kind of true) about Petit Joel who lost it for no reason again and kicked me. Sometimes I feel like living in an insane asylum with this little guy. He is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. (Again, le husband would say now that he got that trait from me) If you have a child you will understand this but if you won’t, you cannot believe how anything tiny and so cute can make you want to dig a hole to the center of the earth to stay there with a bottle of Bordeaux just to have some peace and quiet. Or move to another city and start a new life. I have to keep in mind to leave my credit cards behind because those could track me. 

I had to get away from him for a while now and ran to the closest coffee shop, plus laptop. Sometimes it is good to get away, be by myself and get a break from parenthood. This little guy won’t tear my marriage apart, that’s for sure. After all, le husband and I are in this warzone together. And sometimes I feel the urge to call for backup. For whatever reason though, whenever Petit Joel is with him, he LISTENS to whatever he says.

A little scenario just popped in my mind. I left le husband alone with Petit Joel after I explained to him every possible way this rascal might act out. What food he loves the most, where everything he might ask for is and where I put his favorite blanket. (By the time I am done with my explanation rap sheet , I could have been back already twice) Le husband nods blankly and rolls his eyes and just says, “Just go already, we got this!” 

I leave and return to a completely cleaned house. Petit Joel plays by himself with his toys and did not bother my husband once while he built bookshelves, defrosted the freezer, sanitized the fridge, rearranged his closet and tool cabinet, washed the car, found a cure for AIDS and split an atom. They even drew pictures together. Little hearts for Daddy. Le husband just smiles at me and tells met that Petit Joel did not eat yet, but he is fine and did not complain. 

Now he leaves me with Petit Joel for a couple of hours. Joel hangs on me and tries to crawl back inside me. Here is the usual list of things he does while le husband is gone:

His pants feel weird and he wants to take them off NOW. Then put them back on. Same with his shirt/t-shirt and socks. He wants to eat lunch NOW. Pasta. I make him some but he changed his mind. He wants rice. His socks start to bother him again. Now he wants to paint something. (Still did not eat his pasta, or rice). Now he is thirsty. But no water; apple juice only. Drinks and spills everything. I wipe juice off the floor, fill him another cup only half full this time. I tell him that whenever he is done drinking to put the cup on the table. He drinks and throws the cup in the garbage. Now he is scared. He wants me to tell him a story. He curls up on the couch. He needs his blanket. Now he feels too hot. Socks off again. Wants to put his flip flops on. Now he feels he wants to brush his teeth. Then asks where Daddy is. Then asks a million other questions while I clean the kitchen. Tries to climb up my leg. Wants to know if I have a penis like he has. Runs in the living room and throws all the pillows off the couch. Takes his toys and throws them around. He wants me to kiss him. Then he licks my arm because he is a baby cat. He would like to hear a different story. He wants to call Oma and Opa on Skype. NOW. He wants chocolate. NOW. He wants to go to the playground. I clean up the mess in the living room and kitchen, and hallway and his room. He fell off the chair and bleeds on his knee. While taking care of his “huge wound” I see that I have to trim his fingernails. Also, he needs a new T-shirt. Wait, I should buy him some new ones. He grows so fast, he almost has nothing left to wear. I rearrange his closet. He throws everything out of the shelves and climbs in the closet. Then he is scared of the closet. Evil monkey? He wants to watch something on his iPad now. I turn it on, five seconds later, he wants to eat pasta again. Cries because his knee hurts. Then he needs to blow his nose. Wants to take a shower, needs to pee and wants chocolate. I start getting a tiny headache. He remembers now that he forgot his flashlight in Daddy’s car. He needs it NOW. Asks every five minutes when Daddy is coming back home. I silently ask myself the same question. Joel now heard a “strange noise” and wants to know what it is. Maybe Daddy in his car? Wants a kiss. Wants a hug. Needs to poop. Eats out of the garbage can. At this point I am really tired and know that I could sleep anywhere, anytime. Even with my eyes open while waiting for the cashier to ring up Petit Joel’s cheese pretzels. Or on park benches. 

I hear le husband pulling up in the driveway while I try to hold onto the last threads of my sanity. Le husband walks in, finds me stretched out on the living room floor with a nervous eye twitch and asks, “How is everybody? Why is pasta all over the kitchen floor?”

I just think there is too much injustice in this parenting game. Like is Petit Joel ever losing it in a store with le husband? NO! He never had to drag him out under the judgmental looks of other shoppers. He also never had to leave a shopping cart full of items behind in the store. I did pay for the wine however. He also did not have to ask shop personnel for towels because Petit Joel peed on the cheese while I walked back to grab milk. Le husband  just shows him that he means business. But I thought I did, too. 

The only solution is wine I reckon. And of course bedtime comes eventually.