.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello! 

I have meant to write this post for a long time, ever since my friend told me about this little problem she has. My friend broke up with her boyfriend not too long ago and she said that these days she usually sits at home alone in the evening with dinner and a bottle of wine and opens up Facebook. I would say: “Nothing wrong with that in particular.” She goes on: “And THEN, after like the third glass I check on him again. And his new giiiiiirlfriend (high pitched voice while initially rolling her eyes who shortly start tearing up)”. She asked me if I think that this is okay or if she should see a shrink at this point. Well, I guess she is not at her highest point in life. She simply wanted to check what her ex was up to. This is how it all started. Bad breakup I have to add. 

She showed me how she types his name in the search bar on Facebook or even google and clicks Enter. As we check the photos on his profile she starts getting angry initially, later sad, then cries. “Why did he do this to me? Who is this bitch next to him drinking cocktails at ‘our’ bar?” She thought about adding a different Facebook profile of herself and befriend him again. Just to stay in touch. I told her I think it is not the best idea and that she should just let him do his thing. Easier said than done if you are not in her shoes. I also saw that she is “following” him on Facebook without being his “friend”. Technology is so advanced at this point that you cannot hide anything. Everything is public and everyone is able to find out anything they want about you and your little life. I think about this a lot when writing on my website daily. Nowadays it is a lot more difficult to let go of someone because every step can and will be tracked. When does it all become embarrassing for yourself and when is it stalking? 

You see a picture of your ex and his/her new boyfriend/girlfriend and you cannot take it? You follow your ex on Instagram, Twitter, Youtube or whatever other channel is out there and you get even angrier about your life, your current situation or the breakup. You secretly picture your ex posting wedding pictures soon, pictures of his newborn child and honeymoon-fun. You think that your little unimportant life is so messed up and sad at this point. You have no fancy schmancy pictures to share, right? And you start comparing again. And questioning. 

Do you know this little feature on Facebook called “On This Day”? You know this person for ….blabla years? Well, turn all this off. I told my friend to block her ex if it is bothering her that much. And for her own mental sanity to just give up the online stalking. It is tough to erase him/her from your memory – I guess this will never happen. Unless you try what they wanted to accomplish in the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. One of my favorite movies of all times. Try not to constantly get reminded of your ex and stop checking Facebook every five minutes. Stop stalking your ex. It sucks! Everything happened for a reason. While I type this I have the search option on Facebook open and type in my husband’s name. Let’s see what he is up to, let’s see his latest pictures.  Stalking the person you are actually with is okay, hah! I think. 

Do you stalk your ex online? Or even worse, do you stalk your ex’s new crush? I would like to hear your stories. I won’t stalk you. I promise. 

Thank you for reading. 

Hello!

This week has been smooth sailing so far. Nothing major happened, thankfully. It is cold in Germany – minus 14 degrees Celsius but I love it. We have been outside in the snow this afternoon playing. We took the sled too and it is amazing how we felt like kids again. It just felt right to run up the hill, make snow-angels and stay outside until our hands were red and numb. We ran around until it started getting dark so we bought some cheese-bread and pretzels and walked back home. Home, where it is warm and cozy – a house full of warmth and love and of course a good dinner. Just a perfect day I would say. This is what I have been up to during the week. 

Reading: This week I read a ton of online blogs and articles on the New York Times. I am halfway through H is for Hawk by Helen Mcdonald and I found Chocolates for Breakfast by Pamela Moore at the öffentlichen Bücherschrank in Coburg. I like both books so far. If you want to read the latest article about my life and work in New York, read the article published at the Coburger Tageblatt here. 

Watching: My husband freaked out a bit when I told him that I have never seen the movie Fight Club. He actually purchased it and we watched it the same night. The movie definitely freaked me out but it was good. I am a huge Woody Allen fan and was really happy to see Irrational Man. I highly recommend this movie. 

Looking forward to: A Reiki seminar this weekend at the Sehes Haus in Rödental. I don’t have any Reiki experience yet. I read a bit about it but I try not to clutter my head with too much theoretical terms before the actual seminar but rather be surprised what I will experience and learn. I am always open and interested in something new. Especially when it is about my health and well-being. 

Listening to: I love to read the New York Times. Especially on Saturdays when their amazing book review is added. I usually read the column Modern Love and am happy that they do have a free podcast now available on iTunes. Modern Love shares personal stories of people on marriages, parenting, single parenting, gays and lesbians, about drinking too much and so much more.  I usually listen to podcasts in the morning when I eat breakfast. I used to listen to podcasts all the time when I commuted to work. In the bus/car/train wherever – time flies and traffic jams are not that bad anymore. 

Wondering: I do remember the times playing with My Little Pony when I was a child. We brushed their hair, collected them and play outside for hours while inventing cute stories. I was a little worried about what is happening to humanity when I stumbled across this My Little Pony Convention Website recently. This is a convention for adults dressed up in weird My Little Pony-outfits but this is by far not all. There is so much more weirdness to it. Watch this video below and please let me know what you think. I don’t want to be alone knowing that something like this exists. Again, this is not a convention for kids! Also, listen to Howard Stern on BRONYCON! Here is a link just in case you want to go to BronyCon in Maryland/Baltimore. [shaking my head]

Have a great weekend.

Hello! How do you feel these days?

These past couple of days have been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I am indeed an emotional disaster as my husband would say. But most importantly I am okay. I have been better, more in shape let’s say, but I am good. For now I am figuring out a bunch of things and it is not that easy for me. I learn what is really important in life and that I need to pay more attention to exactly those things and nothing else. Isn’t it amazing that whenever you think you have one area in your life covered, figured or planned out something else is up in the air? Life is never smooth sailing – at least not for too long. Something always comes up – something new and challenging gets thrown at us to deal with it as good as we can and manage. 

This morning I got up early. Early for my standards. I am a night owl and have my free/kid-free time in the evening to relax and be creative. It is me-time at its finest. Another huge plus is that my son sleeps well and long almost every day. Today, I got up early because my husband needed me to translate at a doctor’s office. It was cold outside. We had to be at the office at 8am. You know this feeling when it is freezing cold, the sky is blue and the sun is shining? And you can see our breath and all you think about is curling back up inside? Well, that kind of morning. For some reason I did feel happiness. To be alive, to see the sun and to have my husband sitting next to me at the car and then in the waiting room.  I do forget the beauty of it all sometimes and I do forget that this little bit of happiness right there this morning is what matters. Now it is important for me to figure out how these feelings can lasts and guide me through stormy times. When times get rough and when my husband needs me the most. 

I usually write about happy, funny stuff – simply because this is so easy and my life is just that. I usually do not share things that make me sad, get me down, make me worry or depressed. Why would I, right? This is a happy little blog full of inspiration and good thoughts. My husband had blood tests done and it came back with abnormal test results. More tests need to be done, more blood needs to be drawn. It makes me sad that he needs to live with this. It makes me sad to think how life changes suddenly. It makes me sad to think that he is worrying. He is so strong – nothing gets him down, you know. To think that every time he travels to go to work he not only exposes himself to various threats but might face unknown bacterias and infections which he cannot do anything against. We always  need to adapt to something new.

The doctors are not sure what he has  yet, so there is still hope that he can get rid of whatever this is and live a normal life. He does not show typical symptoms of any known disease, just erratic blood results. 

All this made me realize again how fragile we are. We see all this as a wake-up call. It is time to turn the boat around and paddle in a different healthier direction together. Not alone! Never alone! 

Because this is what I want to do. As a couple! I feel happy, weird, sad and am learning new things about disease and life right now. That’s it – that’s us.  Be safe. 

Thank you for reading my blog.