On departure: Love Note to my husband 1/32

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people.”

My love,

I miss you so much. You left a couple of hours ago and the house is empty. Empty of your presence, empty of your smile and warmth. Our son is still up, confused where you are and is waiting for his good-night kiss.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. Time passes so fast. Looking out into my backyard I realize that the leaves (feathers)  are changing. I haven’t noticed all week but things change. You are gone. I know that it most likely will not be for long and that I have to be patient and you need to work. But still… c’moon!


My husband’s first assigned in Mali was okay because we could at least see each other every four weeks. Needless to say, this time around we will not have that much time to spend together. Well, unless of course I fly there and it is a family mission so I try to see the best in things and stay positive. It is an adjustment as we both know – especially with our son. I am a single parent for now while he is gone. Sigh!

We just had the best two months ever being together non-stop and traveling. We had date-nights which I think is very important if you have a relationship/marriage like I do. We do not get that much alone time usually when my husband is home so we make spending quality time together a priority. Of course it does not have to be anything major. We do enjoy the simple things the most: A candle, a bottle of red wine, popcorn and hours of talking and philosophizing. It was also very important in the time we do spend together to actually BE together as a family. My husband and son are very close which is a beautiful thing to watch.

When my husband got picked up earlier from the airport shuttle service it was horrible. To see the ones you love the most in this world go makes my heart hurt. It is the same every single time at the Airport Frankfurt (“Valley of tears”!). My parents dropped me off and the crying just did not stop. Or, my mom suggests, “Hey, let’s all have a coffee somewhere!” while I on the other hand just try to make the waterworks stop. Oh, I am getting off on a tangent here. 🙂 With all these goodbyes in my life already one might think that I am used to it by now. That parting gets easier. Well, noooohoooo! Not for me. It sucks. I wish I could have all my loved ones around me every single day all day long. Maybe not that crazy but you get the point. In close proximity maybe but not 8,000 miles away. Sniff! My mom tries to be a goodbye pro by now and waves and waves, closes the door and then cries a bit. But never really in front of me which makes departure a little less dramatic.

So yes, I do miss my husband like crazy at this point. These last 30 minutes today before they picked him up I was desperately clinging to him, exchanging just weird comments about food, printer, water fountain etc. kind of like if this would somehow mean he didn’t have to go. Don’t even ask how I looked after he left. Hello waterworks! Now I am sitting here alone in the kitchen writing along in silence. Saying goodbye to him never ever gets easier no matter how many times I rehearse them.

I have to admit that I sometimes admire people who just remained in the same town their entire lives with their families, kids, a nice garden with two garages and a dog and a cat. All of course close to their parents place, walking distance. And they do not really know what I am talking about here. For them airport means holidays or vacations. Then again, this is my life and my choice. We both decided to go through with this for now so “lighten up Bob and wipe away those tears!”

I will be sending my husband daily Love Notes through this blog because I love him. Simple as that.

Mon amour, be safe out there. À bientôt. (or see you soon which sounds nicer than goodbye I think)


How to: Croque Monsieur/Croque Madame

A little history about Croque Monsieur first (Again, I am married to a Frenchi): 

Croque-Monsieur was originally a melted cheese and ham sandwich sautéed in butter. Eventually other Parisian cafés began  serving their own vearsions to the point where the sandwich evolved to the way it is served today, with a topping of béchamel sauce, grated cheese, then run under the broiler until bubbly and golden. The croque-madame is a variation of croque- monsieur which features a fried egg on top. Croque means “bite” according to my husband, so it is also important for the bread to be crunchy while the inside is oozy with melted cheese.

What you need: Saucepan, Toaster, Baking sheet, skillet

How to make it: 

4 tablespoons (60g) butter

4 tablespoons (30g) flour

1 cup (240ml) milk

2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

2 dashes ground nutmeg

8 slices sandwich bread

4 slices ham

3 cups (300g) Gruyère cheese

4 large eggs, room temperature


Preheat oven to 450 F (230 C)


In the saucepan, melt the butter, add the flour and whisk well. Slowly whisk in milk and cook until thickened. Whisk in mustard and nutmeg. Set aside. Lightly toast the bread in the toaster. Place 4 slices on the baking sheet. Spread a little sauce on the slices and  top with a piece of ham . Place 1/2 cup (50g) cheese on each slice of ham then top with the remaining slices of bread.

Evenly divide the rest of the sauce over the top of the sandwich, add the remaining cheese, and bake for 5 minutes. While the sandwiches are baking, fry the eggs in the skillet (this is for the Croque Madame only).


Turn off the oven and preheat the broiler. Run the sandwiches under the broiler until they are bubbly and slightly browned. Top each with a fried egg and serve hot. (Crocque Madame)

Ideas and substitutions: 

Serve the sandwiches with  simple green salad for a light lunch or dinner. Tonight I added  a little Caprese Salad (mozzarella, tomatoes, basil with vinegar, oil, salt and pepper).


Optional additions to béchamel sauce: finely chopped onion, fresh tarragon, or parsley.


Bon appétit.





Beauty: Latest purchases

My family and I were on a little road trip the other day and I discovered the Anthropologie store in Westpoint/Connecticut. I love this store and all the little details about it. You can find anything to decorate House & Home, find the nicest vintage clothing along with a plethora of accessories and shoes. I recently shared that I am loving Barr. Co products these days and guess what? You can purchase them at Anthropologie! Yes! So it is tell and show time now because why would I buy anything new if I cannot share it here right? haha!

While I navigated through the store I instantly fell in love with these Monogram cups.


They are the perfect size for a nice cup of coffee and made out of stoneware. With the initials (available from A-Z) they make this cup just “my cup”. And his cup. We have been using them ever since I bought them. Please also note the book that is so comfortably resting next to the soap and hand creme. I purchases this as well mainly because of all the beautiful pictures, articles and interviews.


I would have stayed in the store a lot longer but while I was browsing and totally forgot what time it was my husband and son came in to “get me out of there” because they were hungry and wanted to go home. I will be back for sure – just to look around a bit. 🙂

Have a great weekend.



About the other mothers.

“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing to do.” – Matt Walsh

Oh parenting is such sweet sorrow. Intentionally I wanted to go to bed early today but what can I say. I had a cup of coffee too late today and am all antsy now. So here I am writing what is on my mind. ha! Scary! I just checked on my son if he is not getting too cold in his room. I put the fan directly on him because it is just so freaking hot outside. I do not want him to get too cold at night. Little things like that. Today I just thought about other mothers. I saw too many not to think about them at this point. Many other mothers I just find annoying and upsetting I have to say. I just try to understand how they can be so mean to one another. I mean c’mon, we are all in the same boat. The other day we were out and about but stopped at a health food store. I found this free magazine “Fairfield Parents” and there was one questions they discussed: “Can mothers who use the cry-it-out method be friends with mother’s use the attachment parenting method?” There were just so many crazy responses in the comment section of this article that it made me throw up. Basically the attachment-parenting mom’s said they CANNOT under ANY circumstances be friends with the cry-it -out moms. It is just barbaric to let the kid cry blablabla child abuse etc.

I mean I can just go on and on with this. I have “friends” who sign their 3 months old babies up for a violin class. WTF? And when I question it they look at me like “WHAT, you are not giving your child the chance to discover if they love this?” Yeah…. I guess when the child is  three months old he can play the violin. He does not even know where his nose is. 🙂

The other day someone asked me if I have a picture of my son in my wallet. Well, no, I do not. I do not have 1000 pictures in my phone either. I have a couple. What it all boils down to is that I do most things differently than other women with regards to parenting and I simply refuse to change it or apologize for it. This is just me doing my thing with my son.

In the beginning I really let it get to me however. That I did not use cloth diapers but disposable diapers, that I had my son vaccinated against everything and anything and that my mom helped me out all the time in the beginning. And when he started eating I gave him the pre-made food from the store sometimes instead of home-cooking all the time. But we traveled so much that it was easier but no one cared about that. They judged me. How can you NOT cook for him EVERY DAY?  And the worst again was, that I let him cry sometimes for half an hour before I picked him up.

Throughout my pregnancy I did everything right according to others and the books. I did not touch raw meat, camembert, alcohol, drugs etc. All I did was waiting for this baby. I wanted this baby more than anything else.  Besides that I worried, longed, loved and analyzed. What else would you do if you are German? This is simply who I am. I am imperfect and I like myself. I love myself. And so does my husband. Jackpot! 🙂

I am just wondering why so many parents think that there is only one way to get out of this parenting thing with a well loved and adjusted kid? Who decided that you have to start being some sort of exhausted, selfless perfect person as soon as you conceive this baby? I am just wondering sometimes.

People should  just broaden their pea-brained perception of things and let others live their life with whatever flaws they have. And everyone has some flaws – nobody is perfect. I love Augusten Burroughs. He is just a great author who said, “I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself amide entirely of flaws, sticking together with good intentions.”

And I love imperfect normal mothers. (Hello Diana!) My husband has taken me to the train station (5 minutes driving) in the morning and left the baby at home  while he was sleeping? Is this okay for you?  Then you are “My kinda mom and I love you!” 😀

Before I had my son I did not know all these things about myself. I actually almost knew nothing about myself. I did not know that I enjoyed to rock my son to sleep in a chair after a while or carrying him around for hours when he was a newborn. Or that it is the best thing ever if they make a poop. These little things once you have a baby … nothing else really matters.

I have heard it before that it is the hardest thing ever to raise a child or that it is tough, but I never got the meaning of it until I had my son. It is a full-time job. Sometimes there is just this fine line. I have given all I can give the entire day. I loved him, played with him, fed him, give to him, give to him for the rest of his life. But I just cannot forget myself throughout this process. Then everyone is okay and balanced.

All I want to say here is: YOU are a good mother and so am I. We do the best for our babies, the best to make them as comfortable as possible and give them everything within our means. Sometimes we are just different as are our families, our lives, and our children. Sometimes love just sounds and looks different.

Thank you for reading .

The Book Review: Charles Bukowski’s “The Bell Tolls for No One”

“The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.” – Charles Bukowski

As a Bukowski-fan I have to write a review about the latest book that has been published by him. If you have never heard or read anything by Bukowski I want to give you a little insight first. Henry Charles Bukowski (1920-1994) was a German-born (yay!) American novelist and poet. He has written many short stories as well. He moved to Los Angeles at a young age and his later work was strongly influenced by the economy and culture in his surroundings. Throughout his books there is this line of poor ordinary Americans, alcohol, drugs, writing and a plethora of relationships with women. [In his book “Post Office” he describes the drudgery of his work as Hank Chinaski at a post office. (my favorite book by him so far – “Pickle Factory!”)].  He died of leukemia 1994 in San Pedro, California.

I gave my mom one of Bukowski’s books to read once. She read the first 10 pages and put it down with disgust. Bukowski has just an acquired taste to his stories – mostly short stories, very pornographic pieces and very shocking details at points. I have to admit that it made me uncomfortable at points as well reading his books – simply because of all the alcoholics, all his drinking which is a lot (like he was drunk 99%  of the day and while writing basically), adultery, gambling and just simply “hanging- around -doing nothing- lifestyle”.

In “The Bells Tolls for No One” he meets women or characters who come with no backstories really. They just pop into his life in a bar usually, get wasted with him and talk for hours while he writes things down that he might need at some point for a story. And of course he drinks and drinks and drinks with all of them.  Most of his “friends” are motivated by alcohol, drugs, unhappiness, boredom and just craziness. Reading Bukowski gives a great insight on how the hardcore drinking life in the suburbs was like (and most likely still is). He has this unique style of describing sexual violence like you are having tea with a friend at home. Like okay, this is normal. It just happens. Then in the next minute he is totally honest and captivates observations that are just not blurred by alcohol and drugs. (the remaining 1% I guess)

Reading Bukowski in public is awesome. People who know Bukowski will comment when they see you with one of his books somewhere. When I read “Post office” I took the book with me wherever I went to just finish it. So one day in the elevator at work there was a man looking at me, then at the book, then back at me. He smiled and said: “I love Bukowski. I read all of his books. He is amazing.” I wanted to ask him what he loved so much about him but the elevator door closed. I can imagine what it was.  I guess people have specific opinions on Mr. Bukowski and all his writings. He is just a “dirty old man” as many of his readers call him with just a little mix of Ernest Hemingway’s style of writing.

Get ready for some humor, relationship troubles, booze, drugs and sex. Lots of sex! There is this repetitiveness  – almost like all the Bukowski books are in a way the same but each and every one is just unique and a little special and a tiny bit different. When I started reading the book I thought it was just great how he switches between fantasy, drunkenness  and reality. I was wondering throughout the entire book how it is possible to find true meaning in life with a lifestyle like his. How can one comfortably live like this and be happy or enjoy life?

In “The Bells Tolls for No One” only two stories have not been published previously. “A Kind Understand Face,” and “Flying Is the Safest Way to Travel.” All the others ones have been published in one of his more than forty-five books! This book is published by “City Lights” and edited by David Stephen Calonne who did a great job with all the little cartoon throughout the book as well as the introduction.

Great read overall and shocking but comfortably awesome.

Happy reading!



My family and sharing details with the online community

I started this blog a while ago and have been thinking a lot about what I share publicly and what not when it comes to my family lately. Blogging has become a part of my daily life now. I am planning my next blogs, writing things down as they pop up in my mind, working on my actual blog to make it look nicer and believe me all this takes a lot of time. And as my readership grows it is even more of a pleasure to do what I really love the most – writing.

During the day I have to take care of my son and I just do not have the time to really sit and get things done. I have to wait until he sleeps at night or I work early in the morning. Of course I have some time whenever my husband is around to play and entertain him; however, mostly he is with me.

These days I am thinking about my son and how he grows up so fast and how he will be able at some point in his life to look back at all these articles I have written and see all these photos of him in my little online place here; all these thoughts and stories about our life. I also think what I post about my husband – what I can share and what not.

I am always aware what I post here – when it comes to actual writing or pictures. Just nothing weird or embarrassing or strange stories or inappropriate photos – neither about my husband nor my son obviously. I have seen blogs for example that show how babies are potty-trained all naked and stuff. I mean c’mon! Whatever makes anybody happy, right?! But for me there are just boundaries and things like that are just not okay for me. With my husband it is simple. He is usually proof-reading all my posts and is my best critic. But my son has really no say in all of this. He cannot say yet if he would like these picture of himself  displayed online on my blog. Maybe he will get upset at some point when he is older and reads what I have written about him so far?! Maybe he will have a different level of what’s comfortable for him?

I have always had a diary of some sort and have written things down. However, my generation is really the first to do online documenting this way. When I was in high school there was no Instagram, Facebook or online blogging. Makes me sound old for some reason. 🙂

I am figuring all this out as I go along. When I first started I had no idea what I was doing here at all. I could not even share a link. When it comes to computer stuff and technology I would say I am little “slow”. (ahem… Hello Thomas and Alex from WP Engine!) ha!

So I have been thinking about having my life, or part of my life online here, all on display for everybody to read seems sometimes weird. I do not know most of my readers personally and I guess I worry too much at points. (German!) Well, sometimes I even question the whole blogging thing. Like what happens if I have nothing to say anymore? Or am I not good enough? Or is all this even dumb or pointless to have an online blog? I could just keep a diary for myself as I used to when I grew up, no? Why do I have this feeling that I want to share my life with you out there? Then, the other day there was one email that popped up from a reader telling me that he really likes what I write about  and that he can connect with what I have to say and that it makes sense to him. So just for this one reader it all made sense and it makes me feel okay again. Simple as that.

Lately these topics just came up with bloggers writing about their family, especially kids and it just made me wonder and ask myself how my son would feel about all this because he cannot tell me yet. Am I protecting my family enough by sharing certain things and do I make anybody feel uncomfortable in the long-run? I try to keep as much privacy as possible – being respectful and careful about his little voice and keeping in mind that this is my family I write about at all times.

My husband tells me he loves my blog. For my son I hope that one day when he will be older he will love going back to this blog to read all the articles I put about him or his dad. I just hope he will love it as much as I love writing about it all.

What is your take on this topic? How do you balance it all out and where are your boundaries?

Thank you for reading. <3


How to: Soupe Gratinée à l’Oignon (French Onion Soup)

“The story goes that late one night, faced with a very hungry King Louis XIV, the palace chef improvised with what was on hand and created an onion soup. Its ingredients were onions cooked in butter, with Champagne added to make the broth.”

No matter what diet I am on – there is a time when I  just crave comfort food. For me it is anything with bread and warm cheese. Being married to a Frenchi I know how good French food is by now. The other day I was at Anthropologie in Westport Connecticut and I found this book: “French Comfort Food by Hillary Davis. Of course I had to purchase it (next to some other things ahem…).

My husband makes the best French Onion Soup hands down and believe me, we tried them all on a “French Onion Soup Tour” we invented. We traveled through the U.S. and tasted and tested Onion soups in Restaurants. Weird? Maybe, but we loved it. So today I made MY first Onion soup and it has been approved by my French husband. Yes! 🙂

So here is the recipe according to the book:

What you need for 4 portions:

A large soup pot and 4 soup bowl.

4 large onions

3 tablespoons (45g) butter

2 tablespoons (30ml) cognac, plus 2 teaspoons (yes, plus some for you while cooking)

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

4 tablespoons (60ml) extra vigin olive oil

2 tablespoons sugar

1/2 tablespoon flour

4 cups (1liter) chicken stock

salt and pepper as desired

12 slices baguette

1 cup (100g) grated Gruyère (I put some more cheese of course – gotta be as cheesy as possible!)


Peel the onions and then slice in half. Slice in thick 1/2 inch (1.5cm) pieces. In a small bowl using a fork, mix 1 tablespoon of the butter with 2 tablespoons cognac, mustard and thyme leaves. Preheat the oven to broil.


Melt remaining butter into the olive oil in the pot. Add the onions. Cook very slowly on medium-low heat until they have a deep brown color, about 17 minutes. Turn the heat up to medium-high, add the sugar, and stir for 1 minute. Remove from the heat, add the flour, and stir well to cover the onions. Pour in the stock, stir, place back on the heat, and bring to a boil. Turn down to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper. Whisk tin the butter and cognac mixture and bring back to a low simmer. Now prep your soup bowls. At the bottom of the bowl place a slice of baguette – put 1/2 teaspoon of cognac on in. Now pour some of the soup on top. Now I put 2 more slices and top of the soup and add cheese to finish your bowl. Now put all your soup bowl in the preheated oven and broil for approximately 5 minutes on high.

I cut up some parsley to decorate the soup once I took it out of the oven.

Bon Appétit!

Thank you for reading and feel free to share.




On Assuming.


“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.”  – Buddha

So, my husband and I had this discussion after dinner tonight. I needed to print something and he said the printer is not working and he will take a look at it. I said: “Okay, I bring the baby to bed and then I would like to print something later”. When I came back down he sat in the kitchen and  I asked him if I can print. He said: “You can print as much as you want!” (not raising his tone or anything like it). I assumed he was sarcastic and angry for whatever reason because the way I simply perceived it. To me it sounded and felt sarcastic. We had an argument about it for half an hour. He said he was not angry, mad or sarcastic at all. 

What I did was I created in a couple of seconds several versions on how he meant what he just said. Is he angry? Bored? Does he think I am stupid for asking this question? My mind simply traveled from one scenario to the next and I started to feel anger. Almost like this little voice inside me said that I am doing it again. I am making up stories in my head. My imagination is just crazy sometimes. (Hello, Jean!) I mean we all do create stories but some of them make my life really miserable for  no reason.

I am certainly not a pro if I write posts on “change”, “self-acceptance” or “balance” for example. I am writing about these things because either I am struggling with them or I am working to improve myself through writing these things down and applying them on a daily basis. I have to say that I am a pro in assuming the worst usually all the time. It is just ridiculous sometimes. There were many times when I assumed a friend just hates me and ignored me on purpose and did not call or write back until I realized that I did send the email to the wrong person. Instantly assuming the worst.

Or I look at people and if they do not fit in a certain category that I feel comfortable with I assume they will hurt me, steal from me and assault me or even rape and kill me. All this particular person wanted from me that time was to know the way to the next pharmacy.

There are even times in my life when everything was falling into place just perfectly fine and instead of being happy and enjoying the moment I assumed and wondered what will happen next because life can’t just be that perfect. Something has to happen, no? I bought this book to get an idea how the unconscious or subconscious mind works. All the stories in our heads have been somewhat programmed since the moment of conception according to the book. I just started reading it so I do not get all technical here on how the brain works ha! It just matters that we do make our own reality.  We basically do not know if the mind is playing tricks or if we judge correctly. Simple as that. Damn… I thought there was a different answer. Something easier!

So this is what I am working on these days. Again, I am not a professional in these things. Far from it. I just try to have uplifting thoughts. I try to  figure out why I have these negative thought right in the moment they pop up. Then I question the validity and the origin of the thought. I work on replacing negative stories with positive ones. So the guy who approached me and looked like a homeless person had good intentions. I do not assume right away he is going to kill me. The key for me is to associate with positive people. And even though my husband is the most positive person I know – sometimes I still assume things. Yes, I am weird – but human. Nobody is perfect. If anybody in my life is trying to feed negative thoughts to my mind I just send them away or I leave. I have no time for negative people. I have enough work to do with my own self.

I know that I have to stop assuming things, especially when it comes to the people who love me and are very important in my life. It takes practice and a lot of attention. I read a quote once but forgot who said it. Here it is: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

On STRAND Bookstore.

I have seen many bookstores all over the world but none of them comes close to The Strand Bookstore. I usually make it my goal wherever I am in this beautiful world to find the bookstores in town and just browse along. When I just moved to Manhattan I walked the city which I think is the best way to discover new things in town. Cab and subway is okay but walking beats it all. And I walked Manhattan, believe me it was the best. I discovered so many awesome restaurants, stores, thrift/vintage stores, café’s you name it. I wrote the addresses down as I walked by or checked the location out right then and there. Sometimes I came back a couple of days later.  It was a great adventure and somewhat challenge. I lived in New Jersey before duh! So back to Manhattan: One Saturday morning I packed my bag and started walking downtown to explore the East and West Village. I ended up in front of The Strand Bookstore because I got somewhat lost after taking some wrong turns.



As soon as you get there you see many books placed nicely on bookshelves around the store. These are mostly very cheap, used and some even for free. Browsing through all those was taking me forever and I found a bunch of books that interested me right there and then. I decided to go in to see these 18 miles of books as they advertise on their logo.


The store: 

As soon as you walk in you find a multitude of books in diverse topics that are nicely placed on large tables right at the entrance. One table for example was labeled “The best of the best” – or “New Fiction and New Non-fiction”.  At the entrance are the cashiers and this is also where you pick up your pre-ordered books. Next to the register they have all sort of stationary and gifts with the Strand bookstore logo printed on. Cups, pens, pencils, stickers, t-shirts, bags you name it. And yes, I always purchase something from this section of the store as well – usually pens or a little notebook. Guilty as charged. As you walk further all you see is bookshelves from floor to ceiling. You can only reach the books on top with a ladder.


You do have to have patience sometimes because there are a lot of people in it. It does not even matter when you go there. I have been there last on a Friday afternoon and it was packed. However, I was there on a Monday afternoon and it was quite the same. People are just walking through the isles and then suddenly stop and stare in awe at some books. Sometimes I just do the same – sucking in this atmosphere of awesomeness. If you are a book lover you know what I mean. 😉

There is an information desk all the way down the isle and they are very helpful. I never experienced any rudeness or attitude and believe me, Strand bookstore could have been my second address. Some of my friends suggested I put my mailbox at the entrance of the store.

Usually browsing along is just great if you have a lot of time and you will find what you are looking for on your own. There are stairs and an elevator to access the three floors. (One floor in the basement and two upper floors).

I love that you can find pretty much everything you are seeking, used and new and also a good selection of discounted books. The bookstore is great to visit with kids! On the top floor is the kids-section with many possibilities to sit down and read or discover new books with them. The restrooms are also on the top floor.

So if you are a book nerd like me you have to check out this bookstore whenever you are in New York. Their selection is amazing. Definitely a  New York must-see! If you are loaded with bags once you come in make sure to use their “free bag-check in” at the entrance. This way you can enjoy the bookstore without additional weight.

Enjoy book nerds!

(My title picture shows what I purchased on Friday!)

The Book Review – Goodbye to all that.

I have to start by explaining my love/hate relationship with this beautiful city of New York before I review this book. My mom told me if I pass a certain exam in High school she is taking me on a trip to New York to go shopping. I studied like there is no tomorrow because c’moooon. New York!!!! Of course I passed and we were on the plane with my best friend Veronika and her parents to discover New York. It was just for one week that I was able to enjoy the craziness of “the city that never sleeps” and we did it all – walking the entire day, Broadway, Musical, Times Square you name it. On the way back to the airport I was crying. On the plane I told my mom: “Mom, I swear to you, I will be back!” She just replied:  “Yeah yeah…. let’s see!”

Eight years later I was back. Just 23 years old and on my journey to discover the good and bad of the U.S. and of course especially New York. I have watched all episodes of “Sex and the City” and all the re-runs and I believed this is all true. Like Carry writing her column for this newspaper and can afford her apartment on the upper east side. I know now that this is just not happening – you live and learn, simple as that! I was young and discovered everything and it was all good.

I moved from New Jersey back to Manhattan, just across from the United Nations and it was the best. I walked to all the museums, all the musicals, Times Square, Central Park – I discovered everything over and over again.

Then I left New York. First I moved to Connecticut and then to Germany for a while. And this is when I started missing New York. Saying Goodbye to all that…. but missing it so much. I am back in the States now and visited my godmother yesterday and  spent a lot of time in New York and I loved it. All the memories, everything came back at once while walking downtown on Park Avenue. While in Germany I read this book “Goodbye to all that by “ Sari Botton and many other Contributors. It was just exactly what I needed when I missed NY the most. Many of the authors in this book (all short stories) left New York mostly out of bittersweet reasons – rent prices, that it just not all glitz and glamour, and that the American Dream usually means working 2-3 jobs to get by. The essays range from good to great and once you start reading the book – especially if you have left this crazy city of Manhattan you will try to think of ways to maybe come back and do it all over again.

As I type all this here this is what I thought  when I read this book. I have to go back and I have to write my own New York story at some point. How I experienced it, the smell, the air, the colors, the people, the craziness and insanity and this feeling that I just cannot let go of it all. While reading this book I felt I was part of it again even though far away. And I heard myself saying that I have to do something about what the authors said to let them know that this is either exactly as they have written or how I experienced it differently because I have been to exactly the same places.

While I lived in Manhattan I made New York my life. I was rushing around, heading from A to B grabbing a coffee on the go, no time to even enjoy it while I burnt my mouth drinking it. Usually I ran to school with this cup of Jo in my hand- all the way to the upper west side. 🙂

New York City is crazy. To hear stories form anyone who knew this city from birth through all the stages, incarnations and changes is just amazing. The strip clubs on 42nd street that are now showing “The Lion King” and from a city that was close to being bankrupt at some point to this dizzying growth in personal and of course corporate growth and wealth – all these changes you see and can still somewhat imagine at points while you walk by the homeless person begging for some money for a meal. Struggling artists, actors, some who made it some who did not – same for writers. Everything is possible here anytime, anytime which is so great and so scary at the same time.

I read these insightful and somewhat wonderful and affecting essays and it was an enjoyable reading experience. You love this city? You miss this city? You want to visit this city? Read this book.

Yesterday I have been to my favorite book store. Yes, STRAND bookstore in NYC.

I found these two books. Book reviews will follow very soon. 🙂




Happy reading.