How to: Deal With Racism.

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

“We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.”

Initially, I wanted to write about something completely different but I decided otherwise. Just because of certain events that took place during the day. Blogging is so strange sometimes. I wanted to write this story down just for myself but here I am, sharing it and not sugar coating anything. Capturing this moment exactly for what it was or how I perceived it. Writing for me is like therapy. When I was a child and felt sad, I wrote the most. This way it got out of my head. 

I try to keep it breezy and light when I write posts on this blog. If you followed Sometimes Raw for a while you know that I have the most posts in Inspiration, Art and Parenthood. Things that move me, bother me, tips and tricks and I am also careful what I am sharing, not sharing too much and  keeping certain things private. Today, however, I want to say so much more. I want to talk about how upset I felt about a certain situation that I had to deal with. First of all, I want to say how grateful I am for this life I am living, with my husband and our son that I feel like crying sometimes. It is perfect. For me. For us. Today, we took a long walk in the afternoon, as we usually do, since my husband is here in Germany. When we came back we stopped at our local little bakery to get some bread and pretzels. Our son was in the stroller, happy, content, waiting for his cheese pretzel. An elderly man walked out of the store, approaching us. He looked at us the entire time and just before we passed him he spat on the street. 

Le husband did not even care. Not in the slightest. He kept on walking but I felt disgusted by this man. How can anybody do this? Okay, maybe he just had something in his mouth that he wanted to spit out. Maybe a piece of tobacco, maybe a piece of bread. Who knows. His look on his face said it all, however. This mean and angry look to show us he is annoyed and disgusted by “our family”. By us.  This is how I felt. This is how I perceived it. This is what made me so sad and then angry. Just because my husband has darker skin and I am white? Who the hell cares. It took me about an hour of thinking and being angry until I was able to let go. I talked about this whole thing with my husband and he said, “Snap out of it. You don’t even know if this all was directed towards us. You let him win if you still think about it and are mad!” He is right. Of course, I don’t know exactly, what this man’s intentions were, but I do also remember the look on his face. For me, this is what counted. I did snap out eventually, but then decided to write about it. And to write it off in a way. And to share this with you. I am amazed but not surprised that racism still exists in this way. Sad, don’t you think? 

I don’t want to harbor bad feelings or anger for anyone. Today, I reached this point when I realized how important it is to just let go and move on. It is difficult for me because I am the type to obsess and obsess until my brain explodes.   I realized that I cannot change anyones else’s behavior. Just my own. Everyone on this planet lives in their own reality. Maybe this was the best this man could do while walking towards us. Maybe not. Maybe who cares. I have to stop asking myself why he spat on the ground right in front of us. I also have to stop being frustrated why this man reacted the way he did. I don’t want to excuse his behavior and  I cannot change it. This man has his own reality he lives in, full of his own reasons and truths for his actions. Another thing my husband said was, “Just stop it and put your energy in the right place.” I have to stop wasting my energy about things like that. Just let it go. He spat on the ground, that is his thing. I let it go and don’t waste my energy overthinking the whole thing. Easier said than done. I am not too successful at this point, but I am trying to get better at it. Seriously, I was so mad but in the end  I forgive him in my mind. I let it slide like water off a ducks’ back. I want to end on a positive note. Life is good. 

Black and White and Love All Over.