.SOMETIMES RAW.

Artwork Mischa Schenkel 

Hello and Happy Thursday!

“If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” Derek Sivers

I have been thinking about relationships lately. There was just too much going on with some of my friends lately that left me puzzled at the end of the day, wondering if this is all really happening. First of all, no relationship is perfect. Everybody deals with something odd in one way or the other. The thing I don’t get my head around is why anybody would ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? Just let this sink in for a minute. I think that there is just this grey area in dating and one person has just stronger feelings than the other. Sort of like, should you persistently ask the woman out if she seems cold towards you, doesn’t answer calls or messages and whatnot or  just leaves everything ambiguous. A friend asked me the other day what I think it means when the guy she is dating is soooooo nice to her when they are together but he is usually never around to see her and spend time with her. Well, honestly, ASK him why he is not spending more time with you. Another friend [my husband says I have a lot of weird friends,mmmmm!] told me that she is getting advice from a dating website and they tell you what you need to wear to get the guy you want or what to write to him. They just analyze everything instead of just looking sharply and with an open mind to what they are working with here. He is not calling you? Well…. he might be busy. He usually calls you at this and that time? Maybe something happened, maybe he/she is stuck at work. He/she did not call you in four days and he says he/she loves you, there is something fishy about it all. If I am in love with someone, I want to BE with the person, or know what is up with him/her. I show interest. How his/her day was. He/she did not call in four days, there is also an option that he/she might be kidnapped by aliens who try sexual experiments on him.

I have been through a lot of “relationship garbage” myself. From I think I can change him to I don’t mind if he is drunk every night to I will get a divorce, I promise, I heard it all. [If you read my blog, dear ex-boyfriends, you know what “category” you fall under ;)] I realized that all this game-playing, manipulating and drama leads to nothing – and if you really think about it, you know it, too. I have read the book The Rules by Ellen Fein which is just a bunch of garbage but I thought “this is how it all works” when I was 20 years-old. “You have to wait three days before you call him back; you never call him back after you had sex with him and if he does not call you back he is not interested and so much more.” Really? Where does it all get you? Sitting next to the phone, waiting for his/her message or phone call? Where does it all go from there? Is this the path you need to take? 

I might sound clever and like a wiseass but I have been through some let’s say “classic mistakes” even several times and I know what I am talking about here. Why do some of my friends make all these efforts to get someone to love them or get someone convinced that they are the one if the person does not want to be with them in the first place? You don’t need to change a person. You take the person as she/he is. This is the person you fall in love with initially. And if he wears a hoodie and jeans all the time, drinks and hangs out in bars all the time he won’t likely put on an Armani Suit and take you out to Carnegie Hall. First, You should ask yourself what it says about you if you want to change someone or convince someone to love you. Do you respect yourself? Do you love yourself? Then, would you buy this dog who bites you all the time? Would you continuously try to go out with a friend who cancels coffee-dates? Do you want to be with someone who promises you not to drink anymore because he knows he has a problem but he continues to drink? Then beats you up after an argument because he is drunk and all this while your child is in your arms? No, right? Common sense. If you want to be beaten up by him because you think it is awesome or he might change, then of course stay. But when a child is involved, you should think again I believe. 

“But maybe he changes?” Stop it and end all the headaches! All the wishing and hoping; again, you only have this one shot in life. Just end all the disappointments, hate and anger and move on if you don’t feel comfortable. There will be a way. There always is. Someone told me that she cannot see herself raising two kids on her own when she would leave her cheating husband so she rather stays and hopes that he will change and stops cheating on her. Become the rejector, not the rejected, my dear. Another person that crossed my path is with someone because nothing better was around. So she just kills some time until she finds Mr. Right. Good luck! Rather work on establishing some self-respect or self-love. Then you won’t be with people who drain your energy and make you feel bad. Seriously, it is that simple. If you know who you are and what you really want, you won’t fall into dumbass-traps. You won’t fall for guys who treat you really nicely and then just don’t call anymore because they are busy. Or the person goes to the toilet at the reception desk and not in the hotel room you both booked, to take a little hit of cocaine up the nose  because you might find out that he is a drug addict. Sweet guys who treat you really well and out of the blue stop doing so – alarm, there is something wrong. I learned that it is not the person that has to show me how cool they are; it is my job to look for something cool in the person. 

Lastly, the one more dating/relationship advice I can give is that whoever you are, woman, men, straight, gay, trans, whatever, it is all about self improvement. You cannot make anyone love you or stay with you through performances, tools, acceptances of crazy shit they did and you think they might change. They might sleep with you one more time; if that, or let you place your hand on his chest while they turn the other direction as soon as it gets too uncomfortable. The only thing you will win here is a tiny battle of long-term unhappiness. 

1. I love myself and listen to my body. If you are not enough for yourself you will never be enough for someone else. I live in the here and now. 
2. I am a Certified Holistic Nutritionist (CNP) and graduated from The Institute of Holistic Nutrition in Ottawa, Canada. 
3. I am very proud of my brother Thomas Weiss who has his own business. 
4. I was born and raised in Coburg/Germany. I always wanted to move somewhere else, somewhere bigger, somewhere nicer. So I moved to Würzburg, then Munich, New York City, and Ottawa/Canada. But deep inside I love the peace and quiet that a small town brings after having lived in so many big cities. So I bought a house in the countryside of Austria. I have the feeling I arrived and I do not want to move ever again. Now, I am the garden girl. 
5. My family in Germany means everything to me and comes first no matter what. 
6. I am a former German Federal Police Officer. 
7. I don’t mind getting older. I enjoy every second I am able to experience and learn something new on this planet.
8. I learned that life is too short to waste time being stuck in something that leads to nothing or just to a routine that you deep inside detest but just do for the money. 
9. I love to people-watch and observe. 
10. I love to put my hand into flour. But also into a bag of lentils. 
11. One of my favourite movies is Vie Heroique with Serge Gainsbourg. I watch it at least once a month. 
12. I live in Vienna and work for UNOV. 
13. I will never get married again or have another child. One is MORE than enough! 
14. Divorce is not the end of the world. Life goes on! 
15. I only have a handful of real friends. However, I do consider a lot of people my friends. 
16. I was in a Volleyball team, Handball team, Swimming team, and Karate team when I was a child. In 4th grade, I received an award for being the best athlete in the entire elementary school. The plaque still hangs on the wall in that school. 
17. This song makes me really happy. I can listen to this on repeat for hours. 
18. I love pasta in every variation.  
19. From the first time my son sat up on his own I had this feeling that I want to tackle him. Very strong kid! 
20. I am a huge fan of Eckart Tolle. I have a copy of his book “A New Earth” next to my bed. 
    
21. I love to read. A lot! 
22. One of my favourite ghost stories is The Turn of the Screw by Henry James.  Some of my favorite authors are Allen Ginsberg, Haruki Murakami, Ernest Hemingway, and Philip Roth. 
23. I love to sleep. 
24. Studying language was always the thing I wanted to do for a living but I ended up becoming a cop and resigned years later to study linguistics and languages. 
25. Writing is my passion. 
26. I do not drink alcohol or smoke. 
27. I lived in Ottawa/Canada for three years. 
28. I love being a woman but I think that men have it easier on so many levels. Pregnancy and birth are just two!
29. I have a bunch of tattoos and I don’t regret any of them. 
30. I had a bunch of piercings and took all of them out; except one. 
31. I love to make smoothies in the morning for breakfast. Easy, fast, healthy and so yummy. 
32. I love building things with my son. We both have a pretty awesome imagination.  
33. I adore Mischa Schenkel’s artwork. I think he has a lot of talent.
34. Current obsessions: minimalism. 
35. I don’t watch regular TV. I just have Netflix. 
36. Currently, my favourite places are: Coburg (Germany), Vienna, Italy, Hawaii, and Cancun 
37. I wouldn’t want to live without my son. 
38. How I stay sane: Spending time with myself, in nature, travelling, reading, photography, art, writing or doing nothing and just listening to my breath
39. The advice I can give: Be 100% sure and listen to your gut if you want to get married to this person! 
40. I have no clue about math or statistics. Like zero. My brother requested that I add this one! 

Hello and Happy Friday!

Isn’t it amazing how some things work out in life? I am still trying to find my childhood friend Esther Schenkel and while on my journey to get in touch with her I ended up hanging out with her brother, the artist, Mischa Schenkel. Le husband, petit Joel and I spent the afternoon with him in his atelier to finish an interview, shoot a little movie and take more pictures of all his artwork. Fantastic stuff! I will share the interview and pictures most likely tomorrow if I get it all done. Here some pictures already. And read what else we have been up to if you would like. 

Reading:  I finished Maestra by L.S. Hilton and I did not like it at all. As soon as I was done, I gave the book a BookCrossing ID and left it at a local store entrance. It actually has been picked up already. I hope whoever took it likes it more than I did. Or not. I think it is pretty bad. I will write a book review regardless. Currently, I am reading The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own. It is a great book, especially if you are new to minimalism and need some tips and tricks on how to downsize and get rid of a bunch of stuff. Stuff that owns us in a way. Big spring/summer cleaning everyone! It feels awesome. 

Watching: Family Guy, Season 14! The last episode Road to India was so funny, I almost peed my pants. This show is fantastic. Cannot wait for more. 

Discovering/Learning:  I found a store in Coburg that actually sells TOMS. I love those shoes and literally live in them all summer. So comfortable! I used to order them online and have them shipped to my US address or bought some at WholeFoods in the US. Since I am in Germany and constantly wear them and to buy them right here is more convenient I have to say. Even though they are slightly more expensive.  You find those and many more at Schuhhaus Jasmin Franz! 

If you are a true New Yorker or lived there for a long time you know Pearl Paint. This place was great to find any art supply, pens, paint and so much more and I browsed around so many times to find something new. And if it was a glitter pen to write with. This place closed and I did not even know. I haven’t been in New York or Manhattan for a while now so I missed out on all the fun. 

I have only great memories when it comes to Pearl Paint.  I spent way too much time there looking at paint and secretly squeezing the tubes to mix colors. [This is probably why they needed to close the place down. Mmmmmm.] Those red walls used to be Pearl Paint, the most wonderful art supply shop where I practically lived. One of those NYC moments when old and new worlds collide. This pace at what NYC changes makes you try to catch your breath. If you are into art and art supplies and live in Germany, you can go to Boesner. I have never been there but according to their website, them seem to have it all. 

Beauty Products: When it comes to deodorant I usually simply use baking soda. Then I found out about this product. It smells awesome and is an all-natural deodorant that is free of paragons, propylene glycol & phthalates and aluminum. Yay!  Check out Page Ashbury’s website for more products. 

I love Macarons. There is this great place in NYC that serves pretty decent ones if you don’t have the chance to eat them freshly made in France. However, to find them in Germany it’s pretty rare. So I decided to make my own. Cannot be that difficult, right? I will update on my progress on the blog of course. 

A couple of days ago, le husband, petit Joel and I have been to Tambach Wildpark. This place is great for kids! All the animals he saw; and some he even touched and fed which made him so happy. Also the amazing playground with the excavator, helicopter and so much more, he was in heaven and cried his eyes out when it was time to leave. We will be back for sure. 

Thinking about: Look at those eyes. He wakes up and looks so cute. His eyes, oh I love his eyes. So deep, dark and full of understanding. The other day he had a bad day however and looking at this picture now makes me think that I dealt with a different child. He was mean, angry and the worst – he hit and kicked me. Do you even think that this sweet child could harm anyone? I decided a while ago to never hit him. Not beating him up; I am talking about a slap on his heinie. Usually, when he is in a bad mood, I am in a bad mood. So I try to change the situation by calming down myself. He is usually fine after. Or I step out of the room for a bit, take my phone and lock myself in the bathroom. That helps to cool down. But the other day, he seriously pissed me off. Hit me again on my arms, kicked even after I told him to stop. So I hit him on his hand. Hard. His hand turned red. He looked at me puzzled because I never hit him. Then he cried. Ran away and curled up on his bed. I feel so sorry. I felt sorry for him and that I could not control myself better. But otherwise, I have to show him that he cannot hit mommy, no? I talked to him afterwards, he curled up and he said, “Sorry mommy, won’t hit again.” My heart almost burst. He was so cute. He then kissed me goodnight and I went to downstairs and cried while I told le husband the whole story. He just laughed and said that he loves me and that it is all good. Mmmmm! Also, have you read my latest post about Racism? Food for thought, people. 

Have a good weekend! Enjoy whatever you are doing.