.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Monday! 

“It was pleasant to be drinking slowly and to be tasting the wine and to be drinking alone. A bottle of wine was good company.” Hemingway 

I do love a glass of wine (or two) in the evening when Petit Joel is in bed. It relaxes me when I have a million things on my mind. I blog daily and I do have things to share but sometimes I struggle to start or write an article. After I changed my scenery, got comfortable in my office and poured myself a glass of wine, things are a-okay. In New York and when childless, I preferred to totally change my scenery and head with my laptop to a wine bar. There I would order a glass of rosé and type along. After a long day at work, this was just such a nice treat that also reminded me that it is important to do exactly this. Taking myself out for a glass of wine – life simplest and sweetest pleasures. 

I was not always into wine. In my teens, I enjoyed Desperados beer at parties but that was it. Wine seemed wrong at that point and strange. Something that classy people drink to get wasted. When I moved to Munich I was crazy into Jazz and hung out in Jazz bars. Everybody drank red wine, so I did, too. And I loved it. Of course, at some points – usually after a breakup, I felt like Rene Zellweger in Bridget Jones’s Diary, singing and crying out loud with her All-BY-MYSEEEEHEELF! But these are just exceptions. Of course. 

Le (h)usband says that this is me 100%. Duh!

I grew up, got older, attitudes, life and expectations shifted but one thing remained. My love for this glass of wine. And this alone time in the evening. By now, I do know some pretty decent wine and enjoy those. [Not too difficult being married to a Frenchie] Just because life is too short to drink bad wine. To unwind, I sip on a glass of Bordeaux and read a good book. Sweet life! 

Needless to say, when I was pregnant and even before I did not drink one single drop of alcohol. I read once that not drinking enhances the chances to become pregnant in the first place. And while pregnant, hell no! Never ever! If there would have been anything wrong with my baby, I surely had blamed myself for drinking this one glass that one evening for the rest of my life.  I breastfed him for 13 months but towards the end I did drink a glass of wine when he was in bed. It was/is very mind-relaxing and I have this feeling that it restores my powers. Super powers that made me realize that I am okay, that I can do this baby-thing, even though some days are tough and rough. I know that I am responsible enough while drinking so it is all good. And honestly, after a long day of playground, running around, errands and whatnot, this feeling of sitting outside, enjoying the silence, a book and taking a pause to be just myself is fantastic. 

There are also times when I don’t like to drink wine at all. And then I just don’t. Simple as that. The good thing is, I enjoy it but I don’t need it. And when I did not drink at all for a couple of weeks I felt great. This little project I tried was called “Thirst-Days”. I wrote about it here. I know that as long as it is all balanced I feel fine. And if there are over-indulgences, I feel bad. Easy! Those don’t happen anymore since my son is born. 

These days I have a little spring/summer cleanse in my head. It is always good to detox from a bunch of let’s say, bad things that I put in my body. And to say goodbye to my glass of wine at night is included in The Whole 30 Program that I laid an eye on. Also a Yoga, Meditation and Fasting-Retreat would be nice. My long plan is to see some declining numbers on the scale as well as an overall better, healthier me. Now, I pour myself a glass of wine and join le husband on the bench to watch some stars and talk. 

This article is great if you want to learn ten important wine words that make talking about wine easier. And click here to see what awesomeness le husband made. We also do love our French Revolution Nights with a lot of cheese and wine. Enjoy, and Cheers! 

What do you think about drinking and wine? What is your favorite wine? Do you love to pour yourself a glass (or two) once your child is in bed? 

Hello and Happy Friday! 

I had an awesome day today. It was full of work, doing something here and there. Cleaning, writing, reading, researching and taking care of my grandparent’s gardens which was probably the best part. I love to be in nature and spending time gardening is my mediation. While working we found a little bird that fell out of its nest. It just sat down on the ground and chirped loudly, crying for his parents. Survival of the fittest was on my mind initially but I felt sad for this tiny fluffy thing. [Woman!] Le husband took the bird and put it high up on some bushes/hedges so cats won’t find him right away. Petit Joel was all over the bird too. “Maybe hungry, ” he said. So my mom dug out some worms to feed to the bird. We fed the bird two huge worms, he devoured them and we put him back up on the hedge. Maybe he makes it. After all he has two worms in his belly. Good luck, birdie! 

“Parents teach their children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse to ride into battle when it’s necessary to do so. If you didn’t get that from your parents, you have to teach yourself”. 

Reading: 

“The right book comes to you at the right time when you are ready to read it. Some book are in your body and leave it altered in a  way that is ineffable. “

I finished Joy Fielding’s She’s Not There  and it was okay, let’s say. Nice little story, nice little plot. I would recommend it for a easy-beach-read-with-a-thriller-plot.  Radical Self-Love by Gala Darling on the other hand was better. She shares some good points about how to love yourself and live your dreams no matter what. She also has a website that is pretty entertaining to read. Further, I re-read Fernando Pessoa’s Book of Disquiet. This one is my favorite this week and highly recommended. Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935) was a Portuguese writer, literary critic, poet, philosopher and translator. He was also one of the most significant writers of the 20th century and translated from English and French. You love to read but you don’t know what books to look for? Sign up for this online bookclub. You read one book a month and discuss it afterwards. Sweet idea and a great selection of books to chose from. 

Watching: After I read the Pessoa’s book I was delighted to find a documentary about his life and writings.  Definitely worth watching. I love Lars Von Trier. His movies are a bit different [strange] but so fantastic. My favorites are Dogville and Dancer in the Dark so far. 

Dogville [no special effects needed here!]

Learning/Discovering: We visited Wartburg in Eisenach last weekend. The fortress is fantastic by itself but the main reason I wanted to go there was a Martin Luther exhibit. He stayed at the fortress for some time to translate the Bible into German. Also many other translations and books by him can be seen at this exhibit that left me speechless at points. So many old books. We did this trip with our 2 1/2-year-old son and a stroller but it was okay. He even enjoyed to see all knives, some paintings and so much more. Worth a trip – child approved. 

The Man Booker Award 2016 went to Han Kang and her book The Vegetarian. I was delighted when I found out because I read and loved the book. No don’t like meat? R-eat(d) this book. 

You still try to meditate but it does not work? Try this free app. I listened to the Modern Love Podcast I see My Superhero. Sarah Silverman reads the essay. If you haven’t listened to Modern Love Podcast, you should. 

Jenna Marbles. So funny. Check out her Youtube channel. If you want to know what a Girl’s Underwear Means watch this video. 

Listening to: Björk Greatest Hits. Björk is Björk. Björk is awesome! Le husband purchased this album a while ago on iTunes and we have family share. Yay! All this technology — I have no clue what I am talking about but I am listening to these songs all day long. Sweet! My favorites are Play Dead, Joga and Hunter. 

Looking forward to: 

” There is no need to speed up. Everything you need is right there!”

So many things and at the same time I tell myself that I don’t need to rush. I live right HERE, right NOW. Everything I need is right here. But a bunch of awesomeness is around the corner. For example the play A Clockwork Orange at the Landestheater in Coburg this June. World literature meets Theater! I am so excited to hopefully see his play if I am in town. Have you heard of A Clockwork Orange? Here is the link to the movie and here to the book. 

This movie sounds good, I reckon. My friend Martina recommended it. I am a huge fan of the author Philip Roth. I read ALL his books. Some of them twice. However, I have not seen The Humbling yet. A movie based on one of Roth’s books. I just told le husband while typing this and he is downloading it as I type. I will sign off for today, make some popcorn for us and watch this movie now. 

Have a great weekend. And thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello and Happy Tuesday! 

I am still not feeling well. My throat hurts, my nose is stuffed and I have this overall tired and achy feeling. Nonetheless le husband and I put on our sport clothing and running shoes, took petit Joel and the running stroller to head outside. Fresh air is the best for me when I am sick [and sleep]. We started out at a normal pace which turned into fast-paced walking as long as I felt comfortable. Throughout this walk we talked. Le husband and I love to talk and discuss things. One thing that is/was on my mind for a while now are babies. Well, well, well, I am not pregnant but I thought I wanted to talk about it for a bit. While we walked through the woods  I had this feeling of having the perfect little triangle family. We are a good team. We are the Home-Team that always wins. Why would I even think about another child. 

Then of course there are good days and bad days. When my son throws a couple of tantrums the thought of another baby is so far away that the only thing I think about is running to my gynecologist to get a refill on birth control asap. Then my theory is, when he is so cute again an hour later, that babies and children just act like that to not be “killed by their parents”. If you have kids, don’t you think that this is the case as some point? And of course I thought that anybody who ever told me how bad it could be with babies, toddlers and whatnot are all liars. They exaggerate and these are just horror-stories. So, le husband looked at me and  said, “Definitely, YES! We should have another baby. Even two more. We still are a triangle, even with a second one! We can do it all over again. I would love to!” I on the other hand am constantly thinking, analyzing, talking and undecided about the whole deal. One day I am full force into having another baby. This feeling like, “Yeah, piece of cake, we can do this. This is what I want!” And the other day more like, “Yeah, maybe this is all good the way it is!” 

Fact is, there is no right timing, really. And whenever I thought NOW was the time to have petit Joel, it did not work. Whenever I thought that I don’t really care anymore if I ever get pregnant: Bam! Well, to be completely honest here, let’s wait and see. I don’t rush anything, I don’t go crazy about this pregnancy thing and see what happens. It is all good, no stress.  In any case, most of the time I would love being pregnant again, to experience birth one more time. All these stages of parenting and going through them together with le husband [even though he is on mission a lot] sounds fantastic and romantic. 

This conversation led us straight to the next one. Le husband said to “appreciate the things in life we already have and that the way things happened so far are just so insane and fantastic.” How we met, our background, and if one little piece would have been removed we possible would have never met. Would have never gotten married, never had our son and never seen and done all these things together as a couple.

The day we met, I overslept. I never ever oversleep. I rushed to work, which is just across the street. Le husband was also in a hurry to get to work; however, he was not late. I ran down the stairs, and so did he. The distance between us, most likely 10 meters. While I ran through the garage in the basement I lost my Burberry scarf but did not realize it right away. When I did, I turned around to run back but he already picked it up, smiled and handed it back to me. This was the first time we saw each other, even tough we worked in the same department for quite some time. I looked at him and nothing mattered anymore. Time, changing into my uniform and getting ready to work seemed all so far away. Time stood still, as still as it was when our son was born. As still as it was when we got married. 

Maybe it is just a somewhat universal collective sense of some new beginnings and changes in our life. Or maybe this family of mine is ready to move on. Move on to new adventures. The winds seems to change. Some sort of potential is growing and making me see some light to keep my dreams moving forward. Some great adventures are in store for us, it seems getting clearer and clearer. Le husband and I have managed to fit so much into almost five years of being together. These years have been the most lively, awakening and progressive in my life. These years have been filled with tons of laughter, strength and learning. He is the best partner for any adventure – my partner in crime. And of course, love. Always love. Unconditional. 

What do you all think? When did you know you only wanted one child, or two, three? Or none? I would love to hear from you.