.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Thursday! 

Last evening I had the most amazing dinner with my family and a very good friend. She is truly inspirational and a very good-hearted, beautiful person. Inside and out. Our conversation was really great and le husband and I kept talking about it for quite some time after she and her father left. How great it is if a person is so full of passion, made the right decisions at the right time and follows her heart with such a determination that it kept us speechless at points. There are not many people who know at a very young age what they want to become later on in life. Of course, you ask a little child about his dream job, they will tell you most likely police officer, nurse, astronaut and whatnot and it will change the next day. Not with my friend. She knew and she still follows this path. Amazing. We both wish her all the luck and love  in the world and gladly help her along her journey if she needs assistance in any way. 

So I thought about my life and the decisions I have taken. I tried to think about all the major decisions I made, passions I followed, goals I achieved and worked on until something worked out the way I wanted it to. Life is strange sometimes and will throw curveballs at you, just to make it all interesting, challenging and fun. And if one door closes, another one will open. You just have to see it and keep in mind that the path might be blurry sometimes. All the decisions I have made, good or bad, lead me to this amazing life I am living now. I do not regret one single action or step I have taken. I would not have rushed to work that one morning because I was late, lost my scarf while running and le husband picked it up.

I am a pretty decisive person and know what I want. Most of the time, that is. Some days, I look at the menu in a restaurant and cannot decide if I want a coffee or tea and it will take forever until I made a decision. Weird, I know. I just don’t want to make a poor choice I guess but when realistically looking at it, of course some decisions will in hindsight not be that great. 

Le husband showed me that it is important to consider long-term goals when making decisions. If I do such and such, it might lead me down the wrong path. At the same time thinking about backup plan A, B and C – just in case is important. In a way it is like if I want to lose a couple of pounds and I stand in front of a huge buffet and I decide what I will eat. Is is going to be an omelette with veggies or a plate of bacon and fries? Cake or an apple, right? I just strive to find the optimal most adequate solution that is out there. And if it takes me some time to figure it out, it is all okay. Writing lists, pro and cons and all the good stuff. 

Usually, whenever it comes to decision-making I listen to my stomach rather than my brain. I think it is important to trust my gut; then again, I had to figure out who I am first and love myself 100% to get to this stage. This way it is easier to actually pay close attention to what is going on inside me. The decision to quit my job as a police officer in Germany was a major decision I have taken but I never regretted it because it felt right in my gut. I knew, this was the right thing to do. Let’s see what the future brings with my new adventures. Also, it is helpful for me to simplify my life in a way so I won’t have additional decisions to make that complicate my life. Doesn’t the decision making already start in the morning when we stand in front of our closet and try to decide what to wear? I made the decision to own less clothing to not have this “problem” every day. This way I can focus on more important things. Remember Steve Jobs? Have you ever seen him in something other than jeans and black turtleneck? The decision-making ability is finite and he focused more on creating awesome Apple products. Yay! 

For me, it is important to be in the right state of mind when it comes to decision-making. I made many bad decisions while being angry, drunk, upset about something or frustrated. I was lucky so far, but those decisions were some of the worst ones in my life. Luckily, nothing major happened to me or my beloved family. I live and learn. Cooling off first, taking a step back and breathing deeply usually helps me calm down and find this gut-connection again. 

Le husband laughs and says at this point: “Okay, then listen to your gut when it comes to decision-making about your shoes. Will we be walking a lot? Hiking? Your gut tells you, wear those sneakers and not TOMS, eh.” [But wait, those beige Converse are cute with my black jeans when we climb up Mont Blanc!] “Hat or no hat? Sunscreen or no sunscreen when we are at the beach for the first time at noon?” Hey, I am not perfect. Nobody is. I won’t overthink anything because some decisions are simply not that difficult to make. Wait, my gut tells me to get a slice of cake now.

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

We have been all over Ottawa these days. Looking at houses, filling out forms, getting ID’s, signing things and overall it was okay but stressful at points! But we did well. In the meantime, it is important to realize that there should be always some downtime to play and give everybody some rest. So after a long day, we all ended up at the playground/water park and Petit Joel had the best time ever. He is such a trooper. He has his occasional tantrums, mostly when he is hungry or tired. The time-change still messes with his rhythm and he gets really cranky at points. Well, he will be fine. I filled out tons of papers for his preschool spot and he and I are looking forward to this new adventure. There is not one day he won’t mentioned preschool and if we can – pleeeeeease, mommy, drop him off there. Soon the time will come. Let’s see how he feels about it when I leave and he stays at the preschool without me. I am not worried because things will work out and be fine. Just good vibes here so far. The daycare teacher told me everything I need to know, bring and pay attention to. It is a lot, but I am glad, Petit Joel is at this particular preschool place. He will have fun all day and I will have time to study. When I will pick him up, I cannot wait to hear his stories. 

When moving to a new town or country, discovering restaurants and food is something I most certainly enjoy. The other day we had lunch at Moxie’s Grill & Bar and the food was fantastic. I ate the Salmon & Avocado Cobb Salad. Yum! 

Today, we had lunch at the Local Public Eatery and this place definitely rocked. The music that played at the restaurant (Snoop Dogg and much more!!) was already great but when our food arrived I started wiping away tears. The veggie burger blew my mind. Awesomeness and foodporn on one plate. Also, the entire area where the restaurant is located is gorgeous. Parks that invite to take a nice walk after lunch are pretty much everywhere. How can a city be that green and people be that friendly? I love Canada! 

I had tears in my eyes one more time today. It happened in the morning when I discovered the University library on Campus. Five floors full of books that kept me speechless. I talked to a very friendly woman at the help desk who explained the entire library system to me. If you love books, studying and university life you know what I am talking about here. Angel sounds played in my head while I browsed through aisles and aisles of bookshelves packed with knowledge. Sigh! 

So far, things are working out pretty well for us here in Canada. I think it is a good sign and makes me realize that it was indeed the right choice to make this move. Let’s see what the next days will bring. 

I would love to hear from you. Do you live in Canada/Ottowa? Any recommendations what I have to see, do, experience and explore with my family? 

Hello and Happy Thursday!

Finally, the day arrived and it is time to say goodbye to my parents. Le husband is back from Somalia to pick us up and we all travel together to Canada. I wrote about that this day will come many times and of course looking back at almost three years spent here, I depart with one sad and one happy eye. New challenges, new adventures but also constantly reflecting and thinking about those awesome days I spent here. People I met, old friends I reconnected with, grandparents and family time – mostly things that I was not able to do when I visited my parents once a year for three weeks on average. It was good, it was fun and it was so helpful. There are no words to thank my parents enough for what they have done for us. I love them unconditionally and they know it. 

Soon enough I am going to be about 8000 miles away from my home base, building my new life, a different life, together with my family. I am keeping my chin up, even though it is emotional. I know I am just a plane ride away and we are all healthy which is the most important thing. I am beyond grateful to have a family like this. They are awesome! 

I know that homesickness will affect me at different times of my new adventure even though I am looking forward to it all. Especially University-life and Petit Joel’s Montessori Kindergarten experience. It is not my first time moving away from home for good but I can assure you, it won’t get easier. And homesickness hits me always the hardest whenever I struggle with something in my new surroundings. When I miss my family, my friends and the life I lived, comfortably at home; even thought I know and knew it cannot go on like this forever. My parents want to do their own thing and enjoy their life together (or not)  but in peace and without Petit Joel running around the entire time whenever my mom or dad wants to rest.

There will be hard/tough days alone. Alone with Petit Joel. Alone with myself but I will figure out a way. I just have to keep in mind that bad days also end at some point and dwelling on them won’t help in any way. It will all get smoother again and I appreciate the ride while being present. 

If something does not work out right away I just have patience or figure out another way. Wherever I am. There are only solutions. Time will pass and new options will open up. Wherever I was on this planet so far and felt so homesick I could not take it anymore, I simply flew home. I stepped into my parent’s home and everything was fine again. I was in this safety bubble that kept me warm and secure. I love to have this feeling at all times. To know that I have this  place to return to, to grow and feel so comfortable is impotent to me. 

We had the best evening ever today. Susi and Alex came over to spend some time with us before we leave. There was food, drinks and this certain type of warmth that you receive when people you love are around. I will miss both a lot. Petit Joel and their son Julius are good friends and played together almost every single day. I know Petit Joel will find new friends in Canada but still…. it all makes me sad again. One chapter closes and a new one opens. It will all be okay but everybody loves a certain type of routine. 

There will be some changes on the website. I won’t be able to write every single day anymore due to traveling, University, moving and whatnot. I will post pictures and updates, especially for my family who follow my blog consistently. Besides, I am working on a new theme and layout. Will you stick around? Follow our Canada adventure if you would like. Updates soon. Stay tuned.