.SOMETIMES RAW.

FYI, This glass of water is not for my teeth, Putzl. Just to drink; water rocks. 

Hey out there. Things are slowly winding down and the big day first day back at school is approaching. I am so excited about that. I love studying, university life and libraries! My brother left (sniff), le husband left (sniff, sniff) and I am getting ready for University. It is strangely quiet in the house while I type this. Nobody is drinking beer and I am not even in the mood for wine these days; or to go outside alone to sit by the river because it is just not the same without the people I love. 

After we dropped le husband off at the airport today [Ottawa Airport is the best airport I have ever been!], Petit Joel and I discovered our neighborhood more with the stroller. We filled the fridge with fresh local groceries (blueberries forever!), bought a small blueberry pie (duh!) and headed to the playground. He is so exhausted at this point that he did not ask for his watch, compass, calculator, tiny cars and keys – all those things he usually takes to bed. He simply passed out with his father’s flashlight in his hand. Cute. I love nights like this. At the playground I met Kathy, her two kids and husband just because Petit Joel played with their three year-old son the most. We hit it off from the first couple of sentences. For me, it is not easy to find other cool parents to hang out with. Many moms I met so far just talk about the shape and size of their kid’s poo, or baby yoga classes that they really needed to sign their three months old baby up for. Boooooring. Plus, I still have a brain, too. I read, I do things other than baby/toddler or whatnot all day. We will definitely meet again at the playground, for coffee or cake and just enjoy each others company while the kids play. She even lives very close by. Yay! First friendship in Canada: established. 

While I chased Petit Joel all over the playground I realized that I need to work out again. Not crazy, but I want to get rid of a couple of pounds I put on while traveling and enjoying life too much. I feel okay, but exercising regularly and eating healthier again simply makes me feel better.  I want to get in shape again, fitter and be outside as much as I can. Canada is just too beautiful to stay inside. [This sentence might change as soon as winter comes around, but I seriously doubt it] I also want to sleep better, drink more water to stay hydrated [whenever I don’t drink enough water, my skin is so dry it is insane] and stay away from alcohol. With the new semester approaching, I want my brain to be clear and focused and just take better care of myself. 

I was inspired to cook healthier and cut out meat completely for a while, when we visited the local organic health food store today. This store is like a small farmers market with fresh local groceries. I am researching local farmers market and any other organic food store around here. So much fun to explore. [And yes, I do miss le husband’s awesome BBQ nights at the Chalet; YUM] 

Whenever it comes to changes, I won’t completely deprive myself of all indulgences that make life fun, you know. It is really about moderation and balance. So my goal is to pay attention what I eat during the week. Lots of fresh, nutritious food. No sugar, alcohol and such. On weekends or special occasions I will have my two (three) glasses of wine and I will also sink my teeth into some fries and a burger when I go out with Petit Joel.  It’s life and splurging once in a while is fun. 

I would like to gain overall strength and be tones all over to just feel better inside and out. I realized how good I felt running after Petit Joel. Also my brother and I had this awesome basketball match for 1 1/2 hours. Whenever I focus more on my body and health I feel how much calmer I am. I also have way more energy, am happier and more productive. So I will finally publish this book I am working on. 

I am signing off for today and enjoy this sort of lonely evening with a good book that I bought at my new favorite, independent bookstore.  You all have a great (long) weekend. 

Je t’aime mon amour. I miss you so much. Counting the days, counting the days. 

Hello and Happy Friday!

I asked my son if he wants to see the world and he smiled and said, “Yes, Mami” which made my heart melt. He loves to travel. He adapts to everything. He does not need a routine yet, even though everybody tells me he does. My son will be in pre-school in September and I know he will be fine. But on the other hand, le husband and I are fortunate to give him this opportunity to travel and discover more than let’s say the next city. I am not judging here, whatever makes you happy. Traveling makes us happy, so we do it. I never want to look back at my life one day and think that I did have had the chance to do something and I did not do it because I was scared, did not want to break my routine or whatever reason. I did not regret leaving the German Police Force to join the United Nations in New York. Not one single second. It was the right thing to do and I would have regretted it all my life if I would have chosen to stay in my comfortable little life I had in Munich – and believe me, I had it all. Motorcycle, car, beautiful city, work, nice little salary but something was missing. It all did not make me happy. I went to work miserable most days because I thought that this cannot be it; this cannot be all. So I figured out ways to change it. Simple as that. And then I did it. Jumped in the cold water which sucked in the beginning but figured out a way to swim on a comfortable, steady pace. And this is what life for me is all about. What else I have been up to recently? Read on. 

Reading: A lot these days because we spent so much time in the car, too. I read and finished Nikolski by Nicolas Dickner which I loved a lot. My goal is to discover Chapter Bookstore and of course many independent bookstores in Canada these days and read books by Canadian authors. Next on my to-read list is Margaret Atwood’s The Heart Goes Last and I am excited to start it. I will finish it for sure and write a book review on one of the books I have read recently before my classes at University start because then I will read the assigned books first, hahaha! 

Watching/Listening: This badass Metal-Beethoven music clip. The girl is just seventeen years old. I also re-watched the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind with my daughter in law. Le husband and I saw this movie once and she just sat there with us in awe and loved it ever since. My very good friend Lisa told me about Neil Gaiman and his amazing books and audiobooks and believe it or not, I have never heard of him before; just because I am not into his kind of writing. “Why not try something new,” I thought and downloaded the Audiobook Neverwhere and listened to it on our move/road trip/storage madness to Canada. It was truly wonderful. Highly recommended and thanks again, Lisa. <3

Learning/Discovering: How challenging and awesome my Master studies will be. I was on Campus today to get some things sorted out and ended up in the department where most of my classes will take place and I am blown away by the Master theses I read from previous students. This does not discourage me, it makes me want to do better. 

Thinking About: Petit Joel’s first day at Pre-school. It will come up soon and I am so excited. He will be fine. I will be fine, but it is just such a big step having had him home or with me every day for almost three years. I know that this was a very fortunate, awesome time and I want to thank my parents again for all their help and love. I miss them. 

Looking forward to: the new semester and chapter in my life. Campus, University, classroom, studying, writing, reading, bookstores and libraries, new friendships and tons of coffee. All that good stuff and I must say, I did miss it since I last graduated. I also cannot wait for this movie – Morris from America to come out. And trying recipes from Andrea Duclos’s Cookbook The Plantiful Table. What an amazing cookbook. One of the best ones I own so far. And I have a lot of cookbooks! I also follow Andrea’s blog for a long time so maybe you will check it out too. She is awesome. 

And the best for last: My “little” brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit us tomorrow. Something different was planned initially, but did not work out. So we will have the best time here in Canada. Cannot wait to see both tomorrow. “One more sleep” 😀 Have a safe flight! 

Have a good weekend! 

Hello and Happy Thursday! 

Last evening I had the most amazing dinner with my family and a very good friend. She is truly inspirational and a very good-hearted, beautiful person. Inside and out. Our conversation was really great and le husband and I kept talking about it for quite some time after she and her father left. How great it is if a person is so full of passion, made the right decisions at the right time and follows her heart with such a determination that it kept us speechless at points. There are not many people who know at a very young age what they want to become later on in life. Of course, you ask a little child about his dream job, they will tell you most likely police officer, nurse, astronaut and whatnot and it will change the next day. Not with my friend. She knew and she still follows this path. Amazing. We both wish her all the luck and love  in the world and gladly help her along her journey if she needs assistance in any way. 

So I thought about my life and the decisions I have taken. I tried to think about all the major decisions I made, passions I followed, goals I achieved and worked on until something worked out the way I wanted it to. Life is strange sometimes and will throw curveballs at you, just to make it all interesting, challenging and fun. And if one door closes, another one will open. You just have to see it and keep in mind that the path might be blurry sometimes. All the decisions I have made, good or bad, lead me to this amazing life I am living now. I do not regret one single action or step I have taken. I would not have rushed to work that one morning because I was late, lost my scarf while running and le husband picked it up.

I am a pretty decisive person and know what I want. Most of the time, that is. Some days, I look at the menu in a restaurant and cannot decide if I want a coffee or tea and it will take forever until I made a decision. Weird, I know. I just don’t want to make a poor choice I guess but when realistically looking at it, of course some decisions will in hindsight not be that great. 

Le husband showed me that it is important to consider long-term goals when making decisions. If I do such and such, it might lead me down the wrong path. At the same time thinking about backup plan A, B and C – just in case is important. In a way it is like if I want to lose a couple of pounds and I stand in front of a huge buffet and I decide what I will eat. Is is going to be an omelette with veggies or a plate of bacon and fries? Cake or an apple, right? I just strive to find the optimal most adequate solution that is out there. And if it takes me some time to figure it out, it is all okay. Writing lists, pro and cons and all the good stuff. 

Usually, whenever it comes to decision-making I listen to my stomach rather than my brain. I think it is important to trust my gut; then again, I had to figure out who I am first and love myself 100% to get to this stage. This way it is easier to actually pay close attention to what is going on inside me. The decision to quit my job as a police officer in Germany was a major decision I have taken but I never regretted it because it felt right in my gut. I knew, this was the right thing to do. Let’s see what the future brings with my new adventures. Also, it is helpful for me to simplify my life in a way so I won’t have additional decisions to make that complicate my life. Doesn’t the decision making already start in the morning when we stand in front of our closet and try to decide what to wear? I made the decision to own less clothing to not have this “problem” every day. This way I can focus on more important things. Remember Steve Jobs? Have you ever seen him in something other than jeans and black turtleneck? The decision-making ability is finite and he focused more on creating awesome Apple products. Yay! 

For me, it is important to be in the right state of mind when it comes to decision-making. I made many bad decisions while being angry, drunk, upset about something or frustrated. I was lucky so far, but those decisions were some of the worst ones in my life. Luckily, nothing major happened to me or my beloved family. I live and learn. Cooling off first, taking a step back and breathing deeply usually helps me calm down and find this gut-connection again. 

Le husband laughs and says at this point: “Okay, then listen to your gut when it comes to decision-making about your shoes. Will we be walking a lot? Hiking? Your gut tells you, wear those sneakers and not TOMS, eh.” [But wait, those beige Converse are cute with my black jeans when we climb up Mont Blanc!] “Hat or no hat? Sunscreen or no sunscreen when we are at the beach for the first time at noon?” Hey, I am not perfect. Nobody is. I won’t overthink anything because some decisions are simply not that difficult to make. Wait, my gut tells me to get a slice of cake now.

Thank you for reading my blog.