.SOMETIMES RAW.

Well, simple living – this was not always my motto. Many times I have been swept up in this mindset of getting more and more. Owning more and more. My worst enemy was Amazon online. All these pretty things floating around and everything is just one click away from being send to my house. Awesomeness. So I had this itch for a long time to buy even more.

Looking back at the way I grew up I must say it was very simple. As kids we did not have a TV in each of our rooms – there was ONE in the living room; we did not even have a microwave. My mom grew and still grows most of their vegetables in the backyard or in their second garden. There was no dryer for clothing. Line-dried clothing it is! My childhood was perfect I have to say but as soon as I started earning my first money things changed. I started to want more. I remember I bought a cellphone with my first paycheck. (Nokia 3210 in 1999) 😀

Now things changed again. Life consistently changes. Nothing stays the same. As a mom I feel one of my biggest responsibilities is to raise my son to be tolerant, compassionate and kind. And of course to teach him to love himself the way he is. I had a long talk with my mom tonight and I told her that she did right. It was the best thing to grow up on special moments and activities (and yes, we were allowed to play in the mud and come home all dirty) rather than material things. I remember we did have toys obviously but not too many. We still used our imagination to play which was awesome. On a little side-note: I read recently that there was a study done in a kindergarten where they have taken out all toys for one month. Initially the kids were all weird and did not know what to do. But soon, they started to look for other things to play with. And most of them had gone outside to find rocks, stones etc. to play and just used their imagination again.

Back then I never really knew the difference or what my mom tried to teach us then but I am looking back and I am very grateful. All this being said does not mean that I am getting rid of all my things now but I think it is all about finding a balance. I am just grateful or thankful on what I already have. Activities and memories over things – considering what I already have and just add items I find useful or necessary.

Also, being grateful is basically the ability to be thankful. I mean just the simple fact that I can type this here, that I have internet is pretty awesome by itself. Being grateful can be really hard when happiness is based on the stuff I have, or needs approval of friends, society or family. Or the status I achieve. Then most of the time I thought that I am not where I should be in life – that I need more things in order to be happy. Or the worst feeling I have had was that other people doing so much better than I am. Who the hell cares what others are doing!

I mean living in a society that is basically founded on consumerism and capitalism it is no surprise that there is a structure in place that makes sure that we never ever stop shopping.  Gadgets for everything! 😀

The problem is that there is always more to buy. For anything – home decor (magazines), fashion, you name it. I am just trying to be content with what I have because I realized that this rollercoaster I was trapped in is constantly moving. To get more, better, higher, faster, better looking! I just stopped buying this lie that “things” will make me happier. Plain and simple. True happiness is never about stuff. I am thinking here about spending time with my husband and son in the garden and I am grateful for that. Just them and I, there together. Doing nothing special. Just chilling in the sun. Then I feel connected and I am happy.

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

I was wondering today why I sometimes still allow other people’s expectation, opinions and judgments to  affect my life in any way. I guess I am just programmed like that – always have been. Like when our parents tell us that we do something wrong; when they start disciplining us – telling us that our behavior is something that others will disapprove of. For example I have learned from a young age on that when I make my parents look bad, I am bad. I believe that this early instruction is reinforced by parental influence over and over – throughout all the kindergarten years, years of school and decades of societal interactions. So why do we have to fit in? According to society, fitting in becomes a major driver of making sure that we adhere to other people’s standards and sadly their expectations of our behavior.

So you try to fit in and make everybody happy but yourself? This pressure is insane and insidious. Simply, it will stop you from living the life you want to to life, it stops you from being you and it most certainly will steal your happiness. I do not think I am exaggerating because I know many people who just followed some sort of career path that the parents chose for them and they are unhappy ever single day. Many of my friends went down the road of having children, debt, marriage or even still dream of living a happier life and they did not want this path for themselves and are unhappy.  Or how many buy the latest fashion to try to fit in? Make-up? Creams? Whatever society tells you is fine and good for you you buy just to try to fit in and not disappoint society’s judgmental little game.

How about you try to be YOURSELF? Do you know yourself? I am working on this myself but I am getting better. Who am I?

Just to not go with the flow is already helpful. Anybody knows this crazy App where you can “make yourself look perfect”? (I think it is even called like this). All I need to do is upload a picture of myself and take away all the “mistakes” and flaws to make myself look like I could be on the next Vogue Cover. (Exactly what they do to all these models on the VOGUE covers and other magazines btw. – These women do not look like that in real life) 😀 Just a little reminder.

I do not have control of what other people think of me. I have to have the best perception of myself and all the answers I am searching for are within me. I think it is important to just love myself and create my own rules.  Nobody else can do this job. I create the rules I live by. And comparing myself to others never helps. I am unique.

It took me a long time to get over my own people pleasing behavior. It is a prison of sort. I just have to be brave to love myself no matter what. There is nobody else like me on this planet and I am the architect of my own reality. How can I fail if I am born to shine? 😀

“He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ” – Aristotle

Today I want to write about influence – influence exerted on us by others. Many times I say to myself that I am not influenced or pushed around by others. That I make my own choices. But on the other hand: Is this true?

Society. There is an endless pool of people to do the dirty work for society and a pretty efficient propaganda machine that keeps everyone nicely in line.

I see it this way that society is pushing us around as if we do not even have a free will and I believe that most people don’t even know that this is happening. Everybody expects us to follow the “rules”. If we do – everything is fine. So everyone is happy but are we happy? Are we truly happy? There is just no way around the fact that we live in this world and we are affected by it. I believe that society’s expectations are irrelevant to my happiness but this pressure society puts on us can be impossible to resist. I have a great example. My son will not be baptized. I believe it is not necessary for him – he knows his name, I know his name, the name is written in his passport and that is that. (for further clarification I have written a post On believing) 🙂 So, I am doing and trying something different; something that is “out of the norm”. Yet, the response I am getting from most people is intense and scary. It makes them uncomfortable. “How can you not get him baptized?” “What will happen later on when he wants to get married in a church?” or the best one: “Everybody else has their kids baptized!” I believe these are just typical reactions from people who cannot or do not want to think outside the box. Being different is not a bad thing. 🙂

Society has always told us who to be and especially how to be. “It always has been is this way” and unfortunately nothing has changed ever since. People just do not like it if you play and think outside the norm. This list goes on and on. You have to live in the right neighborhood, have the kids in the right school, have security and enough money on your saving account, save enough money to eventually do the trip once you retired, support the right team, vote for the right politicians, have your kid in a good kindergarten and you have to do all this for as long as you can before you end up in the nursing home. You are accepted if you play along and do what everybody else is doing. Everybody understands you and you understand them. As soon as you do something out of the norm you have got a problem. But what is the “norm”? What is normal?

Are people addicted to status? Many people constantly measure themselves against everybody else and how everybody else is doing. The problem is that the system we live in tells us how we can be happy. All we have to do is buy X, Y and Z and if we only buy enough of this stuff then it will be great. And the only intent here is to sell us more stuff. The media plays a huge role here. They tell us who is important and who is not. They tell us who our role models are and what the latest fashion is. Also which face cream to use against wrinkles. We are literally bombarded with advertisements. Looking into the mailbox every day and seeing all the advertisement that tells us what to buy and to do to be happy is proof enough.

If you use an old phone and not a “smart” phone people look at you weird. If you do not use whatsapp – holy shit! How could you not!!!!??? You wear vintage clothing, or do not care about the latest fashion (Hello, Germany’s next Top Model crap) people look at you weird. People, society! Even if you eat differently; if you try new things, vegan, raw, whatever – people judge you based on what? Some criteria that they have adopted from someone who has adopted it and they all believe their opinion is right.

So I have been talking about this a lot recently with my husband and came to the conclusion that this constant pressure people create for themselves makes them stop from doing what they really want to do. Holding back because of this constant worrying what people might think. We are the perfect example. The way we live, people just cannot understand how it all works. But it is fine. We are fine. 😀 Always keep  in mind you only live once. You only have one shot on life. So why being scared of change? This being said: Nobody needs to worry about me or my family. Ha!

Many are afraid to change their life so they criticize others. And they keep buying new cars, more toys, more stuff, to just be happy. But are they? Of course there are people in this society who are happy with their life, exactly the way it is. Good for them. I am just talking about the ones who are miserable, keep on doing the same thing over and over every single day (expecting  different result)  but the things that could change their life for the better they are too afraid to do.

I believe that when people judge me and my lifestyle – they just have their own issues and problems. Everybody does.  I usually know their weaknesses because I know mine.  We are all only humans. It is not always easy when people put pressure on me this way. But I do keep in mind that they are just scared of not fitting in the system or maybe not fitting in as I am. Anything that is out of the norm makes people uncomfortable because I guess I am highlighting something that they are afraid of or do not want to think about.

I am working on this pleasing others/opinions stuff’/and living a different life for a while now. I know now that opinions do not matter when they are holding me back from what I really want to do, especially if they are pulling me down. I just do not let society tell me what to do and what is “normal”.

There is this awesome quote I remember: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those you matter don’t mind. “