On Control

“I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed.” – Paulo Coelho

I am working on going through life as actively as I can but I have realized sometimes that I am not doing a good job when I am reacting like crazy (hello Jean!) to every challenge, obstacle and problem as they arrive and when things are not as smooth for me. However, when the ride is smooth I am pretty settled in. I have been analyzing all this a lot recently and came to the conclusion that I do not want to sleepwalk through life. I believe everyone had this feeling of time flashing by and another year just passed. Or ten, twenty. The danger here is that it is very easy to just wake up at some point in life and realize: “What the hell happened? Time flies by and I did nothing truly exciting all these years – nothing that fills my soul and mind with happiness!”

What I try to say is that I do not want to spend my life doing things I do not want to do day in and day out. “Spending my life doing things I do not want to do” can mean for example spending a life with the wrong partner. Someone who does not make me laugh, happy and fills my soul. All this considering that I love myself 100% first. I have to give myself  value.  I lose confidence. It does not matter what anybody thinks of me.  I have to be brave to love myself. This is life. Things happen to me.  It is not easy sometimes. I have to take 100% responsibility of how I feel. Other examples would be that I do not spend my life active, discovering new things, traveling, be open-minded for new things, or working at a job that I do not love or even hate for years and years. So basically all this would make me less happy and less healthy than I should or could be.

I am fortunate to have some wise people in my life that help me out occasionally if I am stuck for words or wisdom. Today for example I heard that “I have to take control of my own life to be happy because – guess what- no one else is doing if for you.” (Bonsoir mon amour)

What helped me so far on my journey is  to get rid of as much junk as possible. I want to buy only the stuff I really need. Asking myself in the store if I really NEED this item I have in my hand right now for example! I am taking control because every single thing I own has somehow and impact on my life. I just want to simplify as much as possible.  Important is also controlling the people in my life. There is just no need for people who have a negative impact or bring me down on a daily basis. Simple as that. However, the most important thing for me is health.

Without being healthy and being at my personal best there is not much going on I think. Health is the most important thing I have. The health suffers – nothing else matters. I look at all the movie starts, rich rich people who seem to have it all. The perfect house, the perfect furniture, the perfect family or job. They have millions of dollars but how come many of them suffer from depression or worse diseases and death? The same with people in my surroundings; take the mask of and the hero fades away. 🙂 Yes, Gainsbourg! Actions speak louder than words! Many promise so much and then do nothing in the end.

I believe the way I act and think is somewhat programmed. My last post on society clarifies this a bit more. But family, friends and even the wider influence told me what to do, how to be happy, sad all these things. But I have been thinking for a while now that some of  this input might just be false. Of course I try to listen to my mom and dad still but they are living THEIR life. I life mine which is unique. I make my own decisions and I will just delete some of the programmed stuff from way back when. I believe it is important to also watch what I  believe, read or watch because whatever garbage I put in my head sometimes affects the way I live.

I am getting better at meditation. It just does not happen over night obviously but it does happen. It allows me to control my own thoughts a bit better. It all depends on how I think. The brain is very powerful and thoughts (many many thoughts) come and go constantly. But I know now that if I let some of them happen to me then I am doing the same thing over and over again. (expecting a different result = insanity ahaha). Well it does not work like this. I have to change my old patterns of think with new ones. One thing I had a huge problem with was too much thinking about people who are sad. Why they are sad, lonely and depressed, trying to find solutions for them etc. But guess what? They are living their own life as well. Of course I can talk to them but it is not my “duty” to find solutions. I can help but not lose myself on the way and make myself miserable and sad. Giving makes me happy. Gifts, my time, passion, resources you name it. But I know now when to stop. I live my own life and get the best out of it. I do only have this one shot! I smile for no reason and look within for the answers. This is how magnificent our existence is. It is more about the journey than the destination.

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