“I never lose. I either win or I learn.”
There is a new season of my life approaching. Major things will change. It will be busy. I am certainly not the type of person who ever wants to be too busy or stressed out and wear any type of busyness-label. Been there done that. This new kind of busy is a good one however. It is full of positive changes. Changes for our family. My husband will be transferred to Congo soon. I am looking forward to spending more time with him, getting things done together again, just simply chugging along in our little orbits as we used to.
Looking back, this previous year and a half was an awesome experience. It made me gain more wisdom and knowledge. This tiny bit of time we really had together as a family throughout this time is one of so many parts of life I will look back on with such fondness. Every time we have seen each other again after four or five weeks apart was very special. It seems like a first date every time. So bittersweet.
I have been thinking lately how precious all of these parts of my life really are. We only get that many summers together as a couple with our son at every stage in life so I feel really protective over every minute and second and hour. Time flies. Today for example by itself was so precious even though we did nothing major. My brother was here from Stuttgart and we spent the day outside in the sun. No big thing, but I am aware that this will be the only 28th June 2015 I will ever have with my brother at 28 years old and my son at 1 1/2 years old. Even though we were sitting outside all day long doing nothing special, I cherish that simple little bit, because this is all I will ever get out of this past day, my family, just the way it is – right there. My family – my heart. <3
As my son changes and grows into an older and bigger person, I am learning that this part of me that gets sad over change all the time is actually slowly beginning to see that there is even more excitement to these changes. I love my brother to death but I have to realize that he is no longer this little tiny guy I played with. He has grown up into a very handsome man and does his own thing. He lives and enjoys his life. We all have to do our own thing! All the good things to come, the new exciting adventures, the next things to happen.
In all this thinking I am growing and I am learning to let life just continue on its way and just be able to enjoy the ride. I have nothing to lose. I have realized so far that writing all this down has become the biggest teacher in my life. All these changes in my life so far, all I have learned, all the mistakes I have made – there is no regret; it is just fascinating in a self-centered way. It is just amazing to see myself grow mentally and spiritually and change throughout all these years.
Here I am now. Hopefully 34 years in two weeks, a mom of the most handsome boy I can ever imagine and a stay-at home mom for now. Sometimes in life that’s just what we have and get. Change! Routine is nice for many people. Doing the same exact thing over and over. But I simply cannot do it. I need change. I want to take this step into uncertainty and learn to grab for another ladder to show me new ways and steps. Open my horizon and perspective. And yes, I want to go on a Safari. 😀
Many times my plate was not full and I was searching to find what belonged but then there were times where I have found this particular plate to overflow but with all the wrong things. With all these changes that will be in my life soon I can just happily look back and say simply “yes, this is just right, this just feels right,” and enjoy this full plate, full of love and family and change, and growth and this special kind of uncertainty that makes everything sparkle with fulfillment.
