“We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve.” – T.D. Jakes
These days I feel writing comes to me very easily. It is just fun to share my thoughts and grow throughout this experience. Writing for me is fun and exciting. Exploring new territories. I have been thinking about time and its passing a lot recently. I think I am just prone to feeling sad sometimes thinking that time is slipping through my fingers and I cannot stop it. I love documenting thoughts, changes and special moments in my life and focusing on the here and now rather than feeling sad about the past. When I spend time with my family for example and we enjoy a beautiful day together I used to get sad that this day is over soon. This will end. This special feeling of this particular day will last as long as I want it to be though. I have these memories in my heart and they stay there ready to be taken out once in a while to make me feel happy. 😀
These days I am slowly learning more and more about myself. I am opening up. Â I am learning to realize who I am or at least who I might become if I am open for it. More important it is for me that I am beginning to truly accept myself. Me and Her – my soul. (Diving deep)
I am feeling good about myself – about the choices I make and who I am. Without having to say I am sorry for anything. I am changing. Maybe this is what it is all about. These changes I am going through when I am looking at successful or failed friendships, the way my life has moved on and changed me into a better version of myself, my insecurities I exhibit – like life ebbed and flowed. Slowly and steady.
I stand in the middle of a field full of flowers looking at myself – like a twin. It feels good to be here, to view myself clearly and actually like who and what I see. Sometimes I am trying to see myself through my husband’s or my son’s eyes. Â What a gift both of my men have given me – both have taught me that it is important to see myself not through fear or self-doubt but through unconditional love. I am very grateful for that.
So, I know I am the architect of my own reality. I and only I create the rules. And to be able to do that I have to love myself. I had a great talk tonight with some friends about living life. How people choose to do this and that and are okay with it. Some love to have their little house somewhere close to their parents’ house and this is okay too. It is important to allow others to be exactly who they want to be and to do whatever makes them happy. I know that nobody is perfect. I have to realize that when someone is doing something oh so different from what I am doing (clothing, make-up, life choices you name it) all I should think is “GOOD FOR YOU!” It does not really concern me. If you are happy – great!
I get the feeling recently that the more positive I become the more it lifts people up. I am working on seeing the good in everyone. (Okay, this is tough sometimes but life is tough and I give it a try regardless). I want to forgive and move on and strive to be a little light out there maybe to help others? Maybe to give others some food for thought? To just accept that all people are different and to meet new people, things (Hello, Martinique and new life ahead) and ideas with curiosity rather than judgement. (Jean will love this)
As I wrote before, life is not easy. To accomplish all this takes time. We are all judgmental at times. The whole point here is that I am trying to get better at this. To just try to understand and stop gossiping about stuff and have other mean thoughts. In the end it gets me nowhere but makes myself miserable. And in a way, why do I gossip? The answer: Because I am feeling unsure and insecure about my own self so I try to point out the mistakes, flaws and “weird things” I see in others so my own mistakes and flaws are not too heavy or obvious. 😀
I think we are all constantly moving or evolving and are trying to grown and change a tiny bit closer to the best version of what we envision for ourself. Whatever that might be. If I listen deep within I know the answers are already there.
