.SOMETIMES RAW.

How do I motivate myself to consistently write? To just sit here every evening and type along? Simply – because I love it. It makes me happy. This is my creative outlet. My portal to share how I feel and think. I have to admit I have a limited time. During the day I just have no peace to write when my son needs to be entertained and wants some Mama time. So once he is in bed, this is the time I have for myself. Then I decide what I do. Tonight I watched  a movie with my husband just because I want to spend as much time possible with him until he leaves for his mission. Sniff!

And I have to admit it is easier to stay on this couch and being comfortable and keep on watching movies with him.  Or just lots of different easier things than writing that I could do with my limited time. So I have been thinking that I had so much more time to do anything before I had my son. I went to the gym whenever I wanted and stayed out for as long as I wanted. And I wrote for as long as I wanted whenever I wanted. Things have changed slightly; however, I know that for me to be the best mom ever I have to take care of myself. To motivate myself to carve out some time in my day to better my body, mind and spirit. Once I do my Yoga I feel better, happier and healthy and it just makes me feel good. I just want to be a good example for my son and I really think this is my responsibly and what it all comes down to. For him to be healthy there have to be healthy role models in his life I believe. All I want is to see him grow up healthy and live a long life – and maybe even be a grandparent too one day.

For myself I hope to live my life full of travel and activity and I want to go to bed at night and know that I just got the most out of every day – that I just did everything to be a good person, positive (mostly, yes, I know Jean). I know I can change the climate in this house in a second. If I am not happy nobody is. Sad, but true. I am working on this. I know that my son even feels that I am in a bad mood and he is not even two years old. Sometimes it is just a good thing to motivate myself to do something just for myself and treat myself. And everybody knows these excuses that one comes up with: I will do this tomorrow, I will go tomorrow, It is not really important so I do it tomorrow so I just sit in front of the computer checking Facebook updates for several hours.

I have realized that all this is some sort of snowball effect. If I postpone something until tomorrow the cycle just continues for some reason. It just goes on and on. So I just do what I have to do on a daily basis. I write my post on a daily basis. I do my Yoga and Meditations on a daily basis. This makes me feel good and happy. Simple as that.

This can be applied to everything and anything in life – just get up and do it. Do not waste time. As I have mentioned many times before we only have this one life. You are the only one who can make this choice of change for yourself and always keep in mind “why wouldn’t you”? I think I deserve to be happy and be the best I can be and also deserve to treat myself to a little alone time during the day to clear my mind and head and to focus again. Also to exercise my body through mediation and yoga and my mind through writing. I remember I even took the stroller with my son when he was still tiny and walked for literally two hours a day – sometimes three- I worked out and he was sleeping and breathing in the fresh air. It was awesome. I just took the stroller and went. The journey is the key – not the destination! 🙂

Yes, I signed up on Pinterest. I refused to for the longest time but finally got hooked. These apps on the iPhone, I am telling you. My step-daughter Emma showed me the “Snapshot-app” for the iPhone today. Man oh man!

Could this quote on the piece of paper above be more right on? I found it on yep, Pinterest and wanted to share it here because I really love it. It is just a simple reminder to be in the now – to be in the present. We all have made bad choices in life. I mean, this is why life is life. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes. However, I am working on not believing that these – let’s say missteps were bad choices I have made. They have not ruined anything or stopped my progress at all. They haven’t even slowed things down. We are all in this journey called life. All these experiences are just part of an open-ended journey. This journey is just huge and awesome and full of good stuff.

Many times thoughts came up that I regret certain things in my past. This mantra “do not have any regrets” is sure great but if you really think about it, in reality it is not always that simple and easy to do. But looking at my life now, right now, the way it is – well, here i am now. Right here. Right now! And of course I would not be right here with all I have without my past and my experiences. All incidences in my life – good or bad led me to today and I love where I am now. In a way I have to thank all of those sad, bad times that were just part of my trip. So thank you bad relationships in the past. Somehow you made me realize that there are good guys out there and that there is something very special if you find the “one”. Simply, if I do not value myself, no one will. I have just no time for garbage anymore. Life is too short.

I also want to thank an ex-friend. This person ruined many good memories and I just realize that once someone says “they are there for you” and when shit hits the fan and you see their true face and they are busy – it hurts. But I learn. I live and learn right?!

Thank you previous job that you sucked so badly at points that I started looking for something new. Thank you past city that this constant need of rushing around and noise made me look for something else and made me enjoy quiet and solitude again.

It is all good. I am grateful for all these memories and times. This is all a path, a road or map if you will that leads me to somewhere else. I do have this main idea where it will takes me next but who knows. Things can change so quickly. I always try to remember all the work I have done to get me where I am now. To just accept this and appreciate life the way it is now is just priceless. Always remember, things can change in a heartbeat and cursing the past only tarnishes the future.

<3

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle 

Do I need consistency in my life? For me, when it comes to doing anything new, anything out of the ordinary it is all about creating habits. Usually it is something healthier than what my everyday norm is. It is hard to do anything consistently without setting any type of habit but then again it is hard to make anything a habit without actually doing it consistently. Weird? Like the old egg before the chicken and chicken before the egg debate I guess. So what worked for me so far is that the only way to make anything in my life a habit is to just start doing it, jumping right into it and start doing it consistently. But then for whatever reason I used to take “breaks” from being consistent.

Running/Sports and me is a pretty good example. Running/Jogging is all about consistency really. Like with any type of sport, once you are consistently doing it you improve. Simple as that. So I practices running every single day throughout my police career. I tried my hardest and I tried keeping it like that and all this was for a good reason. I loved it. I changed the way I ate, ran ever single day and of course improved. All I wanted was to run the big Marathon in Berlin. I truly loved my practice. As soon as school was over I put on my running shoes and I was out of the door. But then I let up on the consistency a little which totally screwed things up. For instance, friends invited me to party with them or hang out with them after work. It was raining after class or cold, snowing … blah blah excuses so I ended up only practicing  once or twice a week. This is really great still and many would say this is better than nothing. But I missed so many days in between when I usually practices and I felt it became easier and easier to talk myself out of it. Sometimes I used to go running early in the morning before anyone was up in the academy. But then this switched to some sort of relaxing afternoon with some books and coffee. Nothing wrong with that, but it just became my new habit which in the end just did not feel good. I did run the Berlin Marathon however in 3 hours 34 minutes by the way. 🙂

I mean, honestly, we all know that living more sedentary and relaxing comes pretty easy and naturally. Like doing nothing and still craving this slice of pizza and those cookies at night. This is the reason why I need to make something a habit to just keep me away from this tendency of vegging (it is an action) out in front of the TV every night.

These days it is not so much the sports that I am consistent in. I practice Yoga and meditation at home almost on a daily basis which feels good and I love doing it. These days however, it is more about consistently writing on my blog. I found my true passion. Reading was always #1 for me but I think it has been replaced by writing for sure. And here I try to be consistent. My family and friends ask me sometimes how I can just consistently write and publish posts. Like how I find the time to do it or how I take the time to do it. Well, it is very simple. I love doing it so I find time. No matter where and when. I love writing – I really do.  At night when everything is calm and my son is in bed or in the mornings, when it is even calmer and I have more energy after a good nights rest are my favorite times to publish something. Writing in English for me is also a practice that requires consistency to keep at it, to learn new words, to figure out different structures and sentences, to simply keep it a habit.

I am consistently and constantly learning these days how to improve this blog, my writing techniques and all this makes me happy and I need it in my life. It fulfills my days and all this is reason enough to keep going and keep up with it on a daily basis. Basically I think the key to success – or a big part of it at least is consistency.

I would like to know what you are passionate about. How important is consistency for you? Or what do you do if you fall off the wagon once in a while and end up on the couch every night? How do you get back on it?