“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” – Buddha
So, my husband and I had this discussion after dinner tonight. I needed to print something and he said the printer is not working and he will take a look at it. I said: “Okay, I bring the baby to bed and then I would like to print something later”. When I came back down he sat in the kitchen and I asked him if I can print. He said: “You can print as much as you want!” (not raising his tone or anything like it). I assumed he was sarcastic and angry for whatever reason because the way I simply perceived it. To me it sounded and felt sarcastic. We had an argument about it for half an hour. He said he was not angry, mad or sarcastic at all.
What I did was I created in a couple of seconds several versions on how he meant what he just said. Is he angry? Bored? Does he think I am stupid for asking this question? My mind simply traveled from one scenario to the next and I started to feel anger. Almost like this little voice inside me said that I am doing it again. I am making up stories in my head. My imagination is just crazy sometimes. (Hello, Jean!) I mean we all do create stories but some of them make my life really miserable for no reason.
I am certainly not a pro if I write posts on “change”, “self-acceptance” or “balance” for example. I am writing about these things because either I am struggling with them or I am working to improve myself through writing these things down and applying them on a daily basis. I have to say that I am a pro in assuming the worst usually all the time. It is just ridiculous sometimes. There were many times when I assumed a friend just hates me and ignored me on purpose and did not call or write back until I realized that I did send the email to the wrong person. Instantly assuming the worst.
Or I look at people and if they do not fit in a certain category that I feel comfortable with I assume they will hurt me, steal from me and assault me or even rape and kill me. All this particular person wanted from me that time was to know the way to the next pharmacy.
There are even times in my life when everything was falling into place just perfectly fine and instead of being happy and enjoying the moment I assumed and wondered what will happen next because life can’t just be that perfect. Something has to happen, no? I bought this book to get an idea how the unconscious or subconscious mind works. All the stories in our heads have been somewhat programmed since the moment of conception according to the book. I just started reading it so I do not get all technical here on how the brain works ha! It just matters that we do make our own reality. We basically do not know if the mind is playing tricks or if we judge correctly. Simple as that. Damn… I thought there was a different answer. Something easier!
So this is what I am working on these days. Again, I am not a professional in these things. Far from it. I just try to have uplifting thoughts. I try to figure out why I have these negative thought right in the moment they pop up. Then I question the validity and the origin of the thought. I work on replacing negative stories with positive ones. So the guy who approached me and looked like a homeless person had good intentions. I do not assume right away he is going to kill me. The key for me is to associate with positive people. And even though my husband is the most positive person I know – sometimes I still assume things. Yes, I am weird – but human. Nobody is perfect. If anybody in my life is trying to feed negative thoughts to my mind I just send them away or I leave. I have no time for negative people. I have enough work to do with my own self.
I know that I have to stop assuming things, especially when it comes to the people who love me and are very important in my life. It takes practice and a lot of attention. I read a quote once but forgot who said it. Here it is: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”