.SOMETIMES RAW.

“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing to do.” – Matt Walsh

Oh parenting is such sweet sorrow. Intentionally I wanted to go to bed early today but what can I say. I had a cup of coffee too late today and am all antsy now. So here I am writing what is on my mind. ha! Scary! I just checked on my son if he is not getting too cold in his room. I put the fan directly on him because it is just so freaking hot outside. I do not want him to get too cold at night. Little things like that. Today I just thought about other mothers. I saw too many not to think about them at this point. Many other mothers I just find annoying and upsetting I have to say. I just try to understand how they can be so mean to one another. I mean c’mon, we are all in the same boat. The other day we were out and about but stopped at a health food store. I found this free magazine “Fairfield Parents” and there was one questions they discussed: “Can mothers who use the cry-it-out method be friends with mother’s use the attachment parenting method?” There were just so many crazy responses in the comment section of this article that it made me throw up. Basically the attachment-parenting mom’s said they CANNOT under ANY circumstances be friends with the cry-it -out moms. It is just barbaric to let the kid cry blablabla child abuse etc.

I mean I can just go on and on with this. I have “friends” who sign their 3 months old babies up for a violin class. WTF? And when I question it they look at me like “WHAT, you are not giving your child the chance to discover if they love this?” Yeah…. I guess when the child is  three months old he can play the violin. He does not even know where his nose is. 🙂

The other day someone asked me if I have a picture of my son in my wallet. Well, no, I do not. I do not have 1000 pictures in my phone either. I have a couple. What it all boils down to is that I do most things differently than other women with regards to parenting and I simply refuse to change it or apologize for it. This is just me doing my thing with my son.

In the beginning I really let it get to me however. That I did not use cloth diapers but disposable diapers, that I had my son vaccinated against everything and anything and that my mom helped me out all the time in the beginning. And when he started eating I gave him the pre-made food from the store sometimes instead of home-cooking all the time. But we traveled so much that it was easier but no one cared about that. They judged me. How can you NOT cook for him EVERY DAY?  And the worst again was, that I let him cry sometimes for half an hour before I picked him up.

Throughout my pregnancy I did everything right according to others and the books. I did not touch raw meat, camembert, alcohol, drugs etc. All I did was waiting for this baby. I wanted this baby more than anything else.  Besides that I worried, longed, loved and analyzed. What else would you do if you are German? This is simply who I am. I am imperfect and I like myself. I love myself. And so does my husband. Jackpot! 🙂

I am just wondering why so many parents think that there is only one way to get out of this parenting thing with a well loved and adjusted kid? Who decided that you have to start being some sort of exhausted, selfless perfect person as soon as you conceive this baby? I am just wondering sometimes.

People should  just broaden their pea-brained perception of things and let others live their life with whatever flaws they have. And everyone has some flaws – nobody is perfect. I love Augusten Burroughs. He is just a great author who said, “I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself amide entirely of flaws, sticking together with good intentions.”

And I love imperfect normal mothers. (Hello Diana!) My husband has taken me to the train station (5 minutes driving) in the morning and left the baby at home  while he was sleeping? Is this okay for you?  Then you are “My kinda mom and I love you!” 😀

Before I had my son I did not know all these things about myself. I actually almost knew nothing about myself. I did not know that I enjoyed to rock my son to sleep in a chair after a while or carrying him around for hours when he was a newborn. Or that it is the best thing ever if they make a poop. These little things once you have a baby … nothing else really matters.

I have heard it before that it is the hardest thing ever to raise a child or that it is tough, but I never got the meaning of it until I had my son. It is a full-time job. Sometimes there is just this fine line. I have given all I can give the entire day. I loved him, played with him, fed him, give to him, give to him for the rest of his life. But I just cannot forget myself throughout this process. Then everyone is okay and balanced.

All I want to say here is: YOU are a good mother and so am I. We do the best for our babies, the best to make them as comfortable as possible and give them everything within our means. Sometimes we are just different as are our families, our lives, and our children. Sometimes love just sounds and looks different.

Thank you for reading .

“The story goes that late one night, faced with a very hungry King Louis XIV, the palace chef improvised with what was on hand and created an onion soup. Its ingredients were onions cooked in butter, with Champagne added to make the broth.”

No matter what diet I am on – there is a time when I  just crave comfort food. For me it is anything with bread and warm cheese. Being married to a Frenchi I know how good French food is by now. The other day I was at Anthropologie in Westport Connecticut and I found this book: “French Comfort Food by Hillary Davis. Of course I had to purchase it (next to some other things ahem…).

My husband makes the best French Onion Soup hands down and believe me, we tried them all on a “French Onion Soup Tour” we invented. We traveled through the U.S. and tasted and tested Onion soups in Restaurants. Weird? Maybe, but we loved it. So today I made MY first Onion soup and it has been approved by my French husband. Yes! 🙂

So here is the recipe according to the book:

What you need for 4 portions:

A large soup pot and 4 soup bowl.

4 large onions

3 tablespoons (45g) butter

2 tablespoons (30ml) cognac, plus 2 teaspoons (yes, plus some for you while cooking)

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

4 tablespoons (60ml) extra vigin olive oil

2 tablespoons sugar

1/2 tablespoon flour

4 cups (1liter) chicken stock

salt and pepper as desired

12 slices baguette

1 cup (100g) grated Gruyère (I put some more cheese of course – gotta be as cheesy as possible!)

Preparations: 

Peel the onions and then slice in half. Slice in thick 1/2 inch (1.5cm) pieces. In a small bowl using a fork, mix 1 tablespoon of the butter with 2 tablespoons cognac, mustard and thyme leaves. Preheat the oven to broil.

Cooking: 

Melt remaining butter into the olive oil in the pot. Add the onions. Cook very slowly on medium-low heat until they have a deep brown color, about 17 minutes. Turn the heat up to medium-high, add the sugar, and stir for 1 minute. Remove from the heat, add the flour, and stir well to cover the onions. Pour in the stock, stir, place back on the heat, and bring to a boil. Turn down to a simmer and cook for 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper. Whisk tin the butter and cognac mixture and bring back to a low simmer. Now prep your soup bowls. At the bottom of the bowl place a slice of baguette – put 1/2 teaspoon of cognac on in. Now pour some of the soup on top. Now I put 2 more slices and top of the soup and add cheese to finish your bowl. Now put all your soup bowl in the preheated oven and broil for approximately 5 minutes on high.

I cut up some parsley to decorate the soup once I took it out of the oven.

Bon Appétit!

Thank you for reading and feel free to share.

<3

I have to start by explaining my love/hate relationship with this beautiful city of New York before I review this book. My mom told me if I pass a certain exam in High school she is taking me on a trip to New York to go shopping. I studied like there is no tomorrow because c’moooon. New York!!!! Of course I passed and we were on the plane with my best friend Veronika and her parents to discover New York. It was just for one week that I was able to enjoy the craziness of “the city that never sleeps” and we did it all – walking the entire day, Broadway, Musical, Times Square you name it. On the way back to the airport I was crying. On the plane I told my mom: “Mom, I swear to you, I will be back!” She just replied:  “Yeah yeah…. let’s see!”

Eight years later I was back. Just 23 years old and on my journey to discover the good and bad of the U.S. and of course especially New York. I have watched all episodes of “Sex and the City” and all the re-runs and I believed this is all true. Like Carry writing her column for this newspaper and can afford her apartment on the upper east side. I know now that this is just not happening – you live and learn, simple as that! I was young and discovered everything and it was all good.

I moved from New Jersey back to Manhattan, just across from the United Nations and it was the best. I walked to all the museums, all the musicals, Times Square, Central Park – I discovered everything over and over again.

Then I left New York. First I moved to Connecticut and then to Germany for a while. And this is when I started missing New York. Saying Goodbye to all that…. but missing it so much. I am back in the States now and visited my godmother yesterday and  spent a lot of time in New York and I loved it. All the memories, everything came back at once while walking downtown on Park Avenue. While in Germany I read this book “Goodbye to all that by “ Sari Botton and many other Contributors. It was just exactly what I needed when I missed NY the most. Many of the authors in this book (all short stories) left New York mostly out of bittersweet reasons – rent prices, that it just not all glitz and glamour, and that the American Dream usually means working 2-3 jobs to get by. The essays range from good to great and once you start reading the book – especially if you have left this crazy city of Manhattan you will try to think of ways to maybe come back and do it all over again.

As I type all this here this is what I thought  when I read this book. I have to go back and I have to write my own New York story at some point. How I experienced it, the smell, the air, the colors, the people, the craziness and insanity and this feeling that I just cannot let go of it all. While reading this book I felt I was part of it again even though far away. And I heard myself saying that I have to do something about what the authors said to let them know that this is either exactly as they have written or how I experienced it differently because I have been to exactly the same places.

While I lived in Manhattan I made New York my life. I was rushing around, heading from A to B grabbing a coffee on the go, no time to even enjoy it while I burnt my mouth drinking it. Usually I ran to school with this cup of Jo in my hand- all the way to the upper west side. 🙂

New York City is crazy. To hear stories form anyone who knew this city from birth through all the stages, incarnations and changes is just amazing. The strip clubs on 42nd street that are now showing “The Lion King” and from a city that was close to being bankrupt at some point to this dizzying growth in personal and of course corporate growth and wealth – all these changes you see and can still somewhat imagine at points while you walk by the homeless person begging for some money for a meal. Struggling artists, actors, some who made it some who did not – same for writers. Everything is possible here anytime, anytime which is so great and so scary at the same time.

I read these insightful and somewhat wonderful and affecting essays and it was an enjoyable reading experience. You love this city? You miss this city? You want to visit this city? Read this book.

Yesterday I have been to my favorite book store. Yes, STRAND bookstore in NYC.

I found these two books. Book reviews will follow very soon. 🙂

Happy reading.