.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Friday! 

This week flew by in a heartbeat. Joel and I spent a lot of time outside in the sun, reading, playing and discovering. Have you read my latest post – Joel and the Burqa? Funny little story that is however pretty thought-provoking. I am fortunate to be here and enjoy my family, Germany, live this awesome life and discover things in and around Coburg. I saw Die Grönholm-Methode this week at the Landestheater in Coburg. Fantastic! How to stay human in an inhuman system. If you get a chance, go see it. Sommer officially started. Finally! How awesome, right? While I type this, I sit outside, look at the sky and stars and enjoy a glass of wine. FYI, I also observe the evening primroses, Hannelore! Life is awesome. This is what I have been up to otherwise. Enjoy! 

Reading: I read Erin Boyle’s book Simple Matters: Living with Less and Ending up With More. A great book and a must read if you are into minimalism. I read that Benoîte Groult’s book Salt On Our Skin a long time ago but re-read it simply because it is so great. This is definitely a book that will stay on my bookshelf forever. I was sad to find out that Benoîte Groult passed away the other day. Next on my to-read list is Homegoing: A novel by Yaa Gyasi. Cannot wait to start it. Also this one.

Watching: Just a bunch of documentaries on Youtube. This one will make your heart melt. And the movie A River Runs Through. My friend Martina recommended this movie a long time ago and yesterday was the perfect day to watch it. Well worth the time. Highly recommended. 

Discovering/Learning: I discovered Moorea Seales and her online store and really love it. While I browsed through the website, I found the book she recently published. The 52 Lists Project. So awesome. I write lists all the time, for everything. It is just my thing. And this little book is amazing and guides you through the year. 

“The 52 Lists Project is a journal of weekly lists that will help nurture self-expression and self-development – written and art directed by our founder, Moorea Seal! Each seasonal section includes list prompts, with plenty of space to write your own lists, and challenges to help you take action and make your dreams a reality. Each section of the journal is paired with stunning photography and beautiful detailed illustrations by local Seattle photographer and designer Julia Manchik. With perfectly timed prompts that meet you where you are throughout the different seasons, this journal will open up new avenues of self-knowledge and help you celebrate, enjoy, and take ownership of your life, as each week of the year becomes more thoughtful and vibrant”.

Check out the website Wohnwagen.at. Nice little ideas if you are into living a little different, into the wild and independent. Have you heard of the Waldkindergarten yet? What a fantastic idea! 

One of my favorite authors of all times is Michel Houellebecq (difficult to pronounce, I know!) but I have it all down now being married to le husband. 

I read ALL his books and was excited to find out that there is a Michel Houellebecq exhibit “Rester Vivant” – opening in Paris. I would love to go. 23 June  though 12 September! 

Thinking about: Leaving my family and Germany behind. It has been the best time but I know I have to move on. My parents have been a great help, especially in the beginning when I arrived with baby Joel. He was just five weeks old. I am glad that they are always 100% behind me. This will in some way always be my home-base. The place where I can come to, relax and be loved unconditionally. Both are just down to earth. I will thank my parents for all they have done in a special way for sure! Many of my friends said that their parents would never let her plus and child(ren) stay with them for almost three years. I love my parents. My family is the best! 

Looking forward to: July! A lot is happening in July, my friends. I signed up for another Reiki seminar with SEHES from 1-3 July and I am so excited about it. The International Samba Festival will be hosted, like every year,  in Coburg from 8th-10th July and I will be able to go out at least one evening without Petit Joel my mom said. Yes! It is seriously amazing every single year! Aaaaand, it is my birthday on the 12th. I still cannot believe I will turn 35! Excited! Also, a bunch of traveling is on our agenda. Mexico, huge USA trip with my brother and his girlfriend and Canada. 

Have a great weekend! 

Happy Tuesday and Happy Summer Solstice! 

“If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.” –Napoleon Bonaparte

Today is the first day that marks the beginning of summer. Yay, finally. Here in Germany, I haven’t experienced too much nice weather the last couple of weeks but maybe this will change now that summer is officially here. Finally, spending more time outside and enjoy the sun. This is exactly what Petit Joel and I did today. We stepped out for a much needed playground visit, played in the sun and I cleared my mind and heart by just sitting in the sand building sand castles with him. In a way, when not looking at the toys and not paying attention to the other kids it feels like being at the beach with my feet in the sand. [Thoughts of a mother who spent three hours at the playground!] 

I packed a couple of playground essentials, coffee to go and cheese pretzels because eating outdoors is so much nicer. The sun came out just when we arrived at the playground. So while we soaked up some Vitamin D, I looked around a bit. I wrote a post on other mothers a while ago and I love observing people and things. Strangely, there was only one mother and her daughter at the playground for a long time. The daughter, four years-old asked her mother about love and why she played so many love songs on the radio while driving here. Mom responded that, “love is the best and greatest thing on earth my dear” and took her in her arms to give her a kiss. The girl looked up to her mom and it seemed that she did not understand fully what her mom said. While I observed her playing with my son I thought about love myself. I didn’t understand what love means and how important it is when I was that age. But over the years this understanding grew. It grew to the point where I can say that I love myself 100% first. Just the way I am. Sad, but unthinkable when I was a teenager. 

So both kids played and I smiled at the other mom who screamed in her phone to tell a person to “shut up and leave me alone”. I was just about to tell her that this is not a megaphone but a cell phone she is talking into when she started to cry. It turned out that “shut up and leave me alone” was her mother whom she had a huge fight with. “Oh, that is too bad, ” I said but thought what must have happened to upset her in this way. The kids had a blast with the water fountain while she started talking to me. Do I look like someone you can approach easily and be comfortable with? I guess so.

She told me, while sobbing, that her husband and her got engaged one year before their daughter was born.  The wedding was scheduled for September 2015. “We were both so excited and happy”, she said while I handed her a tissue at this point.”We had so many great plans and were excited about all the upcoming adventures with our daughter. Three weeks before the wedding her husband had a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. They doctors discovered that the cancer he suffered from ten years ago came back and spread already in his lungs and blood. He passed away three days later at age 39.  

This left me speechless for a while as I heard about her deep sadness. But I got reminded again that there is only this one little life and all we need to do is focus on the: Here, Now and Today! While I looked at my son playing in the sun, I thought about le husband and how fortunate I am. He is alive, he is healthy. He might be on mission and not with us at this time, but he is with me no matter what because we have this deep connection of unconditional love that is so special. It is so special to really be in love and it is pretty rare, looking at a bunch of people, relationships and couples I know. Of course, things get complicated and nothing is ever perfect and our partner drive us nuts or insane at points. And they might say the same about you. Many couples have tons of conversations that break their hearts in the end, destroy illusions and make each other feel bad. All this frustration about how a relationship should be or should not be because X, Y and Z do it this way. All this annoyance – I ask you: Why? Nothing is ever promised. We could die today, tomorrow – at any point really or we can lose the love of our life. If you have found the one, realize how special this all is. Treasure what you have, instead of fighting it or fighting him/her. 

This works for us: Don’t ever leave him/her in a fight. It could be the last time you see them. Tell them how you really feel and stop holding back. Don’t be afraid of love. I was scared in the beginning that I would lose him; you know this thought when something seems too perfect and that it will be taken away. It is way better to live in the here and now and enjoy it while he is here even if this love might be taken away. It does not matter. There is no “win”or “lose”. 

The woman at the playground stopped crying after our conversation. I told her that I am sorry for her loss. I handed her one more tissue and she smiled. She said that she is so glad that we met here at the playground because through this interaction she learned so much and grew. While she walked away with her daughter, she called her mom. 

Hello and Happy Saturday! 

I just came back home, exhausted and dead tired from playing outside with Petit Joel all day long. His best friend Julius was out with him too. Whenever these two knuckleheads are together they are up to no good. Susi, Julius’s mom and I sat outside and talked while at the same time trying to watch the kids. Not an easy task and we both agreed that we cannot feel relaxed unless they are in bed at night. Out of the blue, Susi and Alex decided to BBQ – sounded good to moi. She made a plate of Caprese salad and we sat outside and enjoyed the evening. Finally, the kids started to get tired and calmed down a bit and we all ate in peace. All this made me realize how grateful I am to be here, to have amazing friends like Susi and Alex, to be able to sit outside and talk for hours and just to be healthy. Life is good. Think about the little things in life and remember others. 

Love. Reflect. It is important to listen. Ask questions. Remember a great book or an amazing movie you have seen. Be curious, discover, explore. Memorize things. Be kind, generous, spontaneous and thoughtful. Laugh. And be able to laugh at yourself. Be smart. Read. Be funny. Smile. Smile at others but also remember that you don’t have to smile if you don’t feel like it. Be excited and friendly. Be calm in stressful situations. Be quiet. Remember how good something tasted. Be honest and confident. Take long walks. Take a camera with you. Be sure about things. Remember where you come from and remember who you are. Be sweet but not too sweet. Remember to call someone back. Stay in touch with people. Spend time with people you can learn something from. Remember great places you have been. 

Remember the neighbors cat you cat-sitted. Remember the first NYC Subway ride. Be reasonable. Remember the last time I met you. Remember the smell of roses. Remember how beautiful evening primroses look. Remember to be strong, brave and who you are. Remember that things could always be worse and then keep going. 

Have a great Saturday!