.SOMETIMES RAW.

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

My parents just went to bed and I spent the best evening outside with them; observing the moon, having a light dinner, talking, candles, wine, dark chocolate for dessert – perfection. I did not feel like writing tonight because for one, it would have been disturbing and distracting while talking, obviously. And honestly, I experienced some sort of writers block as well. Sometimes it is just awesome to sit outside and do nothing – enjoying the moment without interruptions and with all senses. 

However, the conversation turned from art, to Canada to friendship and remained there for a while and made me think about my friendships. I never had a ton of friends, not even when growing up. Some really good friends stayed in touch with me throughout all the years and are up to this day very close and dear to me. In my thirties now, I feel a lot closer to certain women and have friendships that mean a lot more to me. This feeling when you can tell your best friend everything in the world, the conversations are meaningful and have this certain type of depth that I love – these are women I love to hang out with. I don’t want to talk about babies and toddlers just because I have one, for example. There are a million other subjects that are more investing. Hah! My true friends know me. I was wondering why this certain closeness to some women I know develops and I was not sure. Then I read this article from New York Magazine and had an ahhhhh-moment. Just do some random stuff. 

“Twentysomething friendships involve long, late nights, all-day walks, and hours-long phone conversations. But having friends in your 30s is functionally impossible. There is no good time to see people, no friend equivalent of the candlelit dinner and rose-strewn canopy bed. To stay friends is to make do with the social equivalent of a taco truck and bathroom quickie. As the opposite of a sensualist, I actually prefer this. There’s something both efficient and exciting about having friends woven into the texture of daily life. It feels almost illicit when we manage to steal time together, like we are cheating on our grown-up lives….
What’s more, low expectations can be liberating. “When a friend comes to the grocery store with me because it’s what I have to do, the pressure to be fun evaporates,” says my friend Liesl. “Then we can just walk down the aisles and I can complain about the domestic shackles of having to make dinner and maybe get recipe ideas or maybe not, but somehow that kind of environment — purposeful, practical — allows me to be far more myself. And in that headspace — which is also key to feeling close to someone — the conversation organically weaves from the price of granola to something about my marriage to something I’ve read to petty gossip. And I feel way better after, especially since I got my groceries, too.”

I loved this article and I think it is so true. In my twenties, I usually scheduled dinners and whatnot with friends. Now in my thirties and with a toddler and well, more time constraints, I meet my friends in a more casual way. No more restaurants with kids for example. Things change, and it is all good. Talking a walk together to the playground is awesome, too. And while our kids play, we talk about the latest bestsellers that we read. Or what we plan for our future, study next, move to, explore. Her child just fell from the swing – is he bleeding? “Nope, so where were we?” “Yeah, this book was great.” I have to say that usually, even though our meetings are less ceremonies, they are still fantastic and uplifting. Random activities are special to me. I don’t like too much structure anymore. And most importantly, I love that some friendships last throughout it all. No matter what. 

Hello and Happy Sunday!

“Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it’s a way to make contact with reality after a day of making things up, and it’s a way of making contact with someone else’s imagination after a day that’s all too real.”

I finished Nora Ephron’s The Most of Nora Ephron a couple of days ago and loved it so much that I have to write a quick review about it right away while it is all still fresh in my mind. I bet you watched one of her movies and loved it. When Harry met Sally; Sleepless in Seattle (I mean, c’moooon! Who does not like this movie?) or You have got mail (Meg Ryan in any movie is fantastic!). In Ephron’s book you will find many scripts, essays, early works, short stories and so much more. When I read the script on How Harry Met Sally, I felt like time-traveling when I sat at Kat’s Delicatessen with le husband. 

“Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.”

I am a huge fan of all her food writing and I read Heartburn twice. Ephron was an awesome (screen)writer, director, feminist, full of classic jokes, funny, a beautiful person inside and out who lived an unenviable life. It seemed like she had it all. Except perfect health. She died in 2012 of cancer and left many in shock because almost nobody knew of her illness. She also wrote articles for the “New York Post“, “Esquire” and many more. Online, you can find good stuff on her early reporting about journalism and politics. I love those famous quotes of her: 

“If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.”

“Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.”

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

Overall, it was one of the best books I have ever read and I think Nora Ephron was a great writer and alway so positive. This book is definitely worth going back to and to re-read certain passages. Great read! 

The movie Everything Is Copy is on my to-watch list for a while now. Watch the trailer if you would like. Enjoy and have a great week. 

Artwork Mischa Schenkel

Hello and Happy Thursday to you! 

My day was full of thoughts. Unfortunately, many sad thoughts. I wish that there could be a way to know when we would see someone for the last time. Sort of like we wake up in the morning and know somehow to pay close attention to what we say to a certain person, kiss them one more time or hug them even harder than usual before we say goodbye. But I guess it is also good the way it is and we don’t know all those things. I also think about my good friend who’s husband passed away in a motorcycle accident on his way to work. They were never able to speak again because he was in a coma for a week until they turned off the machines. Tragic, horrible and so sad that I could start crying while I type this. If we would know our expiration date already, I don’t know if I could live comfortably without counting the days. Then maybe trying to extend my expiration date by living extra healthy and doing this or that differently, who knows. 

We don’t know when our door will close and we go on and on living our life so we won’t feel too much sadness and pain if the inevitable happens. Unfortunately this time will come for all of us, unless someone invents a special longevity pill in the meantime. 

I went to the post office with Petit Joel today and on our way back home it started drizzling a bit. We made it to the local store at the corner to wait-out the rain and got a magazine and a Kindersurprise for Joel. Finally, the rain stopped and we were about to walk out of the store when a friend with his siblings walked into the store. All of them looked devastated, red-eyes and had this sadness in their eyes. Looking at their body language as soon as they entered the store, I knew something bad happened. I also knew, that their father had been sick for a long time. He had been better in between and then increasingly worse since December last year. I remember where I stood when I talked to them this morning, everything else went blurry. The sibling I have to most contact with nodded quietly, then shook his head blankly and said that his father passed away yesterday morning. I felt my legs getting weak. I knew their father well, especially from childhood and have seen him several times since I am in Germany. All siblings and I used to play together when we grew up as kids. The images all came back and were in front of my eyes so clearly. 

It was so quiet suddenly, we stood there, me not able to say anything. I saw a teardrop like a little tiny diamond welling up in their eyes. Besides my grandfather, I thankfully did not lose anybody in my family who I was really close to. When he passed away I was still so tiny and had no clue what happened. 

Those siblings and I are not that close anymore. Everyone moved away and was busy doing their thing. I moved to the US so there was really no contact except Facebook messages here and there. I saw their father last a couple of weeks ago in his car on the street, greeted him but he did not see me. That was it. The sad part is, that I knew for a week now that he has been sick, really sick, but I did not go there. Was it because I felt like I don’t know what to say, fear or simply lack of understanding how he must have felt – I did not go there, even though he lived two minutes away. I remember it all so clearly now, how he used to give us a little cactus as a gift to take care off, explaining us how to water them. So many childhood memories all came back in an instant and made me shake my head in disbelief. 

Others lose people they love, time and life goes on and on, we cannot stop it. Good things happen, bad things happen, horrible things happen. We see it every single day. Here in this small town, everybody seems to do their own thing. Everybody minds their own business. Some enjoy a nice evening outside on their terrace with a glass of wine while next door someone is in horrible pain. Next comes fall, the leaves start to turn brown again and then winter follows. Everything moves. The only consistent thing in life is change. Constantly. Today, I have been reminded again that I have to pay extra attention to the small things as well as everything else. It can all be over in a second -this beautiful life! I hugged my parents especially hard – thankful that they are alive and healthy and gave extra kissed to my son. It is important to enjoy every single moment, right here and now. 

I wish this family love, my deepest condolences and the strength to somehow work through it all.