Hello and Happy Wednesday!
My parents just went to bed and I spent the best evening outside with them; observing the moon, having a light dinner, talking, candles, wine, dark chocolate for dessert – perfection. I did not feel like writing tonight because for one, it would have been disturbing and distracting while talking, obviously. And honestly, I experienced some sort of writers block as well. Sometimes it is just awesome to sit outside and do nothing – enjoying the moment without interruptions and with all senses.
However, the conversation turned from art, to Canada to friendship and remained there for a while and made me think about my friendships. I never had a ton of friends, not even when growing up. Some really good friends stayed in touch with me throughout all the years and are up to this day very close and dear to me. In my thirties now, I feel a lot closer to certain women and have friendships that mean a lot more to me. This feeling when you can tell your best friend everything in the world, the conversations are meaningful and have this certain type of depth that I love – these are women I love to hang out with. I don’t want to talk about babies and toddlers just because I have one, for example. There are a million other subjects that are more investing. Hah! My true friends know me. I was wondering why this certain closeness to some women I know develops and I was not sure. Then I read this article from New York Magazine and had an ahhhhh-moment. Just do some random stuff.
“Twentysomething friendships involve long, late nights, all-day walks, and hours-long phone conversations. But having friends in your 30s is functionally impossible. There is no good time to see people, no friend equivalent of the candlelit dinner and rose-strewn canopy bed. To stay friends is to make do with the social equivalent of a taco truck and bathroom quickie. As the opposite of a sensualist, I actually prefer this. There’s something both efficient and exciting about having friends woven into the texture of daily life. It feels almost illicit when we manage to steal time together, like we are cheating on our grown-up lives….
What’s more, low expectations can be liberating. “When a friend comes to the grocery store with me because it’s what I have to do, the pressure to be fun evaporates,” says my friend Liesl. “Then we can just walk down the aisles and I can complain about the domestic shackles of having to make dinner and maybe get recipe ideas or maybe not, but somehow that kind of environment — purposeful, practical — allows me to be far more myself. And in that headspace — which is also key to feeling close to someone — the conversation organically weaves from the price of granola to something about my marriage to something I’ve read to petty gossip. And I feel way better after, especially since I got my groceries, too.”
I loved this article and I think it is so true. In my twenties, I usually scheduled dinners and whatnot with friends. Now in my thirties and with a toddler and well, more time constraints, I meet my friends in a more casual way. No more restaurants with kids for example. Things change, and it is all good. Talking a walk together to the playground is awesome, too. And while our kids play, we talk about the latest bestsellers that we read. Or what we plan for our future, study next, move to, explore. Her child just fell from the swing – is he bleeding? “Nope, so where were we?” “Yeah, this book was great.” I have to say that usually, even though our meetings are less ceremonies, they are still fantastic and uplifting. Random activities are special to me. I don’t like too much structure anymore. And most importantly, I love that some friendships last throughout it all. No matter what.
