Okay, I am clearly not an artist but you can see the wine bottle on the table. Hah! I was eight years old.
Hello and Happy Tuesday!
I just came home after an awesome afternoon/evening spent with my godmother. An evening filled with books and bookstores, Aperitifs, Dinner and hours of talks and it was all good for my soul. Then I came home. My parent’s home and a home for Petit Joel and I for the last 2 1/2 years. Home is where your heart is and for me a place to return to – a place to escape. My home-base to recover and soak-in some energy.
These last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about home. Maybe because of our upcoming trip/move/discovery to Canada soon, maybe because I spent so much time here in Germany – the home I grew up in. This home that shaped me as a child – and even now at points, made me happy, made me sad occasionally but was/is always full of love. Now it is time to move on and discover new things. I am leaving with one happy and one sad eye. I know it is all good and has to happen this way. I know I cannot live with my parents forever – I don’t want it and they don’t want it. However, I never felt bad moving back in with my parents because I knew in a way that it was all temporarily and good.
I am happy that both of my parents are healthy and alive and I am able to see them, speak to them and visit them anytime I want. In a way, they are just a seven hour plane ride away. There is Skype, FaceTime and whatnot. It was nice being here and spending time with my mom and dad but I also know that they want/need their own space again and have time solely to themselves without Petit Joel (or me) interrupting them in any way.
I overheard an interesting conversation my mom had with a friend the other day about grandchildren. The woman said that it is nice when her daughter comes over with her son here and there but sometimes it just sucks. It sucks because she has a life too. She planned things and now here is her daughter with the baby. Yay, stop everything else (your own life) and spend time with the baby. This made me realize what my mother did for me. How much she gave up of her own life to make us feel comfortable and happy. How much she shared of her home with us and modified everything so it is safe for my son. I am so grateful to have my parents and I thank them every single day for what they have done for us. When my mom said, “Come and live in Germany with us”, and Petit Joel was only five weeks old I felt like crying.
I was lucky enough to have had this transition that made life for me so easy. And maybe also for my son. He grew up with his grandparents and is loved every single day. I am looking back at my old life in NYC and how things were and I miss it sometimes. I miss it a lot today since talking to my godmother who lives there as well. NYC is special, it has its charm but I would have been overwhelmed living there when my son was a newborn. So it all worked out really well. I don’t say goodbye to this old life or anything like it. I am just moving on. Who knows what will be around the next corner and where I will be next year around this time. I just know that I will start my studies, Petit Joel will join a Montessori Kindergarten and it will be all okay. I will of course miss what was and be sad about not being around my parents anymore or certain things that I no longer have and are available to me but I will figure out something else and new.
I always have a hard time saying goodbye or calling anything “the end”. It somehow bothers me but I learned to let go and simple move forward. There is so much to explore out there, so much new – and if this does not work out, I try something else. Goodbyes are a part of life, but also area Hello! So wipe away those tears, pack my suitcases and move on. The time is right. I feel it. Gone is the longing to stay. Instead I feel happy. Germany is my home base. It hopefully will be here for a long time. Some places are magical. My parents place is! Right here at home.
