.SOMETIMES RAW.

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” —James Baldwin

I wrote this post because I forgot my grandfather’s 90th birthday on the 24th. I mean, how is this even possible? I put the date on all my calendars, put reminders on my phone and laptop but for whatever inexcusable reason I simple did not think of actually calling him. Well, I apologized and called the next day but still. I hate when things like this happen because my family is so important to me. I want to dedicate this post to my grandfather and want to tell him how much I love him. 

Have you seen the movie “La Tete en friche” (“My Afternoon with Margueritte”)? The story is about an illiterate man (Gerard Depardieu) who becomes friend with the well-read Margueritte. Beautiful acting and a great story. If you look at the picture above what do you see or think? When was the last time you listened to an elderly person? I am very fortunate to still have two grandmas and two grandpas and they are able to see their great-great grandchildren. Wow! Amazing no? I usually talk to both at least once a week just to check in. Unless I forget my grandfather’s birthday. (Hoooly….!)

It is really irrelevant at what point one considers himself elderly. Age is just a number. My question here is though, when was the last time you have really spoken to someone elderly in your family or otherwise? I think it is just important to do so. Keep in mind that there comes a time when you won’t be able to see grandma or grandpa anymore standing next to their graveside and then you wish you would have stopped by more often with a piece of cake and some coffee. There are many reasons to not stop by, I know. They bother and they are boring etc., however, I don’t want to be living in regret and I make time to visit my grandparents even though I did not feel like it sometimes. I know they love my company and especially whenever I bring my son. It simply brightens their day. Go there today, or call them. Time flies! It might be too late tomorrow. 

What is one thing you learn more than anything when it comes to elderly people? Yes, patience. They are obviously slower than you – well not all of them but you get the point. They simply do everything slower because they are old. Their body is old. We live in this fast-paced world where everything seems to fly by so why not taking it a couple of steps back (literally) and stop and smell the roses with them. Elderly are usually never in a rush, and you should not be either. Whenever I am at my grandparents place I take my time and talk to them. And believe me, they have so many great stories it is amazing. When I have nothing to really ask I just let them tell me the story of their childhood and they go on and on – sometimes even tearing up. 

I think in some way it makes them live longer. They feel that they belong because someone is still interested in what they have to say. To tell them funny stories so they can really laugh out loud with tears in their eyes makes me happy to. My parents’ neighbor came over one afternoon and sat in the kitchen with my mom. My son did something cute and funny, I forgot what it was. What I did not forget was how the elderly woman laughed and laughed until tears ran down her cheeks. She left my mom’s house and said she felt so good and that she didn’t have a good laugh like this in a long time. 😀

It is just important that the elderly can memorize and remember things; so just listen and keep them in your life by making room for them. And if you stop by for a little chat you can even help them with technology. Have you ever wondered how hard it is for some of them to even turn on a TV to the right channel? My brother usually helps my grandparents to set the TV so that they can record their shows and they love it whenever he stops by. The simple things matter. 

Maybe you find some wisdom for yourself. Just appreciate that they are still around to talk to. It is important to think outside the box for a minute or two. To just not be selfish and if they call for help to go and help them or encourage them. Of course you can drop of a good book you have read. Most importantly do it for their good and not for yours. 

Maybe my son will bring me a piece of cake and something good to read at some point. 

Hello all of you out there. Time flies no? It is Friday again and is getting chillier in Connecticut. You know, this feeling of waking- up- in- the- middle- of- the -night- and- you- need -a thicker- blanket type of chilly.  This week was filled with errands. Our car broke down last weekend and we needed to get towed 40 miles back home. My son had a blast but me on the other hand – not so much. I am glad to have great friends in my life (Hello Agnes and Danny!) who helped me out throughout this mess and even made us a nice dinner while we all waited for the tow truck. This is when you know you have really awesome friends that you can rely on no matter what. We got the car to the garage to have it fixed, vaccination appointments, phone calls to make etc. There is always time to go to the playground however. Here is what we have been up to otherwise.

Dreaming of:  going back to this hotel in Cancun! My husband and I have spent our honeymoon there (see title picture) and it was just one of the best experiences in our lives. I will write a review on the hotel soon because it is still under renovation and construction. They will re-open on November 15th. I guess we have to go back there for a week to check it out. (Hello Jean, yes, I am working on it!) 

Reading: A lot these days. Definitely more since my husband left to Congo. Here is what I finished this week. “The Colossus of New York” by Colson Whitehead. “Dry” by Augusten Burroughs which I thought was one of the best memoirs I have ever read. I have also re-read “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk and E.B. White which helps me improve my writing and “The Only Grammar Book You’ll ever Need” by Susan Thurman. 

Watching: “Running with Scissors” which was a truly amazing watch. Check it out if you like craziness, great language and of course Augusten Burroughs. Re-watching  “Face to Face with Allen Ginsberg” (All 3 parts are available on youtube) which is a great interview of Allen Ginsberg (who I truly admire and love) by Jeremy Isaacs from 1995. Allen Ginsberg is by far still my number one author and poet. If you like him you might love this part of Ginsberg famous poem “Howl” . Howl is one of the classic poems of the Beat Generation.

Enjoying: To be able to spend the last two days at the Calf Pasture Beach which was just an amazing experience. We have been at this particular beach once before but in the wintertime. They have a playground there for 2-5 year old kids as well as 5-12 year olds. The sun was shining, nice and warm but not hot and humid anymore. We collected some shells before having dinner at the beach. Priceless! 

Not looking forward to: All these vaccinations we will be getting today. We will be leaving for Congo soon so we need a plethora of shots. Damn…. but we will be fine. 

Have a great weekend!

“We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.” –  Denis Diderot

Have you ever heard of or read anything by Denis Diderot? I studied him in college in one of the philosophy classes I took. Just a little inside on him first. Denis Diderot (1713-1784) was a French philosopher, writer, playwright, novelist and art critic. He was also the editor of the Encyclopédia and questioned the authority of the Catholic Church. If you like the Enlightenment you will enjoy his writings. Diderot was a prominent figure throughout that time. Read all about him here.

I am interested in psychology and philosophy (anything that concerns my body or mind actually) and like to think about the reason why we seek the things we buy or own.  Again, society plays a big role in all this; however, there must be some sort of inner motivation that drives us into purchasing more and more. Diderot wrote about this motivation for overconsumption (Diderot Effect) in the 18th Century. In a nutshell: We purchase something and this items makes us buy another one. Another explanation would be let’s say you go to IKEA because you need to purchase a new couch. For some reason we don’t stop right there. We go on and buy a living room table because the old one does not fit to the new couch anymore but the old one is still fine. And then we buy a new lampshade because the old one does not …. you get the point. So the new item (the couch) creates this desire inside of you to purchase more things. 

There are a plethora of examples on the Diderot Effect. Just watch your behavior if you go shopping for clothing. You purchase a new pair of pants but need new shoes that go with it. Or a new shirt that makes the look complete. You have a kitchen table but this one is not big enough anymore. Then you purchase six new chairs just because they have to match the new table. I could go on and on. If you really look at it you know you have enough jeans, shirts and shoes no? So why as soon as something new gets introduced in our lives we are somewhat drawn to it and the consumption? Read one of Diderot’s essays which made me inspire writing about him. What is the purpose of our clothing? If I have this talk with my husband he always tells me that his clothes are functional for work which is true. Most often in life the clothing you purchase are not functional in any way. (“Always the wrong pair of shoes!”) In most cases it is all about self-expression and it already starts with children in school. I remember my mom used to make our clothes and they were cool. She sew or knitted things and we did not have any designer clothes whatsover. But guess what? We survived and we had the best childhood ever. Today at the playground I saw a family who dressed both of their children (about 5 and 8 years old) from head to toe in Burberry. To the playground no less. I think there are more important things in life than how your kids are dressed. I am not talking about letting them run around like bums. Enough said! 

I think as soon as I understood how the principle works I was able to break this cycle that I was in for many years myself. How can you overcome the Diderot Effect and prevent this cycle of consumerism? Here I share what I have been trying. Maybe you want to try some of it as well. 🙂 

The next time you go to a store – any store – simply observe. See what’s going on in there. They play nice music that gets you in a good mood. The rooms are comfortably lit and the personnel is oh so helpful. They even arrange for you to have your own dressing room with your name written on it. All you want is a pair of pants okay!  See what happens. Observe! See how they make you buy more stuff (buy 3 get 1 for free, purchase this purse with it and get the shirt 20% off). Just ask yourself if you REALLY need this item that is in your hand when you are in the store. Of course, there are times when you do need to buy certain things. I am not talking about those times. 

Always keep in mind that possessions do not define who you are. Your possessions also do not define your success  and usually make you happy only for a short while. You go to a store, buy something that you wanted for  a long time and then after a while it is just normal, nothing special anymore and you want something else and new.  Do not trust salesperson too much. I mean, all they really want is sell you things – as much as possible.  They are not your friends. Keep this in mind. Maybe take a friend with you while clothes shopping who tells you the truth how you look in those pants. 🙂 Salesperson: “These pants look great on you. I have the same ones. They fit really well.” – while you look like a stuffed sausage. 

Try to notice the Diderot Effect all around you on a daily basis. Realizing it might save you quite some money.