Category: .Inspiration.

“We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.” –  Denis Diderot

Have you ever heard of or read anything by Denis Diderot? I studied him in college in one of the philosophy classes I took. Just a little inside on him first. Denis Diderot (1713-1784) was a French philosopher, writer, playwright, novelist and art critic. He was also the editor of the Encyclopédia and questioned the authority of the Catholic Church. If you like the Enlightenment you will enjoy his writings. Diderot was a prominent figure throughout that time. Read all about him here.

I am interested in psychology and philosophy (anything that concerns my body or mind actually) and like to think about the reason why we seek the things we buy or own.  Again, society plays a big role in all this; however, there must be some sort of inner motivation that drives us into purchasing more and more. Diderot wrote about this motivation for overconsumption (Diderot Effect) in the 18th Century. In a nutshell: We purchase something and this items makes us buy another one. Another explanation would be let’s say you go to IKEA because you need to purchase a new couch. For some reason we don’t stop right there. We go on and buy a living room table because the old one does not fit to the new couch anymore but the old one is still fine. And then we buy a new lampshade because the old one does not …. you get the point. So the new item (the couch) creates this desire inside of you to purchase more things. 

There are a plethora of examples on the Diderot Effect. Just watch your behavior if you go shopping for clothing. You purchase a new pair of pants but need new shoes that go with it. Or a new shirt that makes the look complete. You have a kitchen table but this one is not big enough anymore. Then you purchase six new chairs just because they have to match the new table. I could go on and on. If you really look at it you know you have enough jeans, shirts and shoes no? So why as soon as something new gets introduced in our lives we are somewhat drawn to it and the consumption? Read one of Diderot’s essays which made me inspire writing about him. What is the purpose of our clothing? If I have this talk with my husband he always tells me that his clothes are functional for work which is true. Most often in life the clothing you purchase are not functional in any way. (“Always the wrong pair of shoes!”) In most cases it is all about self-expression and it already starts with children in school. I remember my mom used to make our clothes and they were cool. She sew or knitted things and we did not have any designer clothes whatsover. But guess what? We survived and we had the best childhood ever. Today at the playground I saw a family who dressed both of their children (about 5 and 8 years old) from head to toe in Burberry. To the playground no less. I think there are more important things in life than how your kids are dressed. I am not talking about letting them run around like bums. Enough said! 

I think as soon as I understood how the principle works I was able to break this cycle that I was in for many years myself. How can you overcome the Diderot Effect and prevent this cycle of consumerism? Here I share what I have been trying. Maybe you want to try some of it as well. 🙂 

The next time you go to a store – any store – simply observe. See what’s going on in there. They play nice music that gets you in a good mood. The rooms are comfortably lit and the personnel is oh so helpful. They even arrange for you to have your own dressing room with your name written on it. All you want is a pair of pants okay!  See what happens. Observe! See how they make you buy more stuff (buy 3 get 1 for free, purchase this purse with it and get the shirt 20% off). Just ask yourself if you REALLY need this item that is in your hand when you are in the store. Of course, there are times when you do need to buy certain things. I am not talking about those times. 

Always keep in mind that possessions do not define who you are. Your possessions also do not define your success  and usually make you happy only for a short while. You go to a store, buy something that you wanted for  a long time and then after a while it is just normal, nothing special anymore and you want something else and new.  Do not trust salesperson too much. I mean, all they really want is sell you things – as much as possible.  They are not your friends. Keep this in mind. Maybe take a friend with you while clothes shopping who tells you the truth how you look in those pants. 🙂 Salesperson: “These pants look great on you. I have the same ones. They fit really well.” – while you look like a stuffed sausage. 

Try to notice the Diderot Effect all around you on a daily basis. Realizing it might save you quite some money. 

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires but in his integrity and his ability to affect those mourned him positively.” – Bob Marley 

Throughout my journey of owning less the view I have of myself and others has changed immensely. How does society define success? The people who spend and make the money and keep all these resources to themselves are the ones called “the successful ones.” Some of the real successful people are simply richer because they have decided to focus on having less material things. So I guess they are not successful in worldly terms but who cares. In this capitalistic world people want more and more. Better, faster, higher and always the latest gadgets. I think it is important to focus on other than just materialistic things. I want to share a little list of things that just do not matter to me anymore. Maybe you get inspired. 

The fancy house. I believe that a house provides a base, stability, shelter and safety. This does not mean necessarily a lot of square footage. I have moved many times in my life already and I like creating a nice home for my family. There is just a certain pride in all this to provide a nice environment for everyone. I am just not really impressed by these mansions people have. “Good for them,” I think. I am happy with what I have and where I am in life. 

Clothing and accessories. I am a woman and I do love nice jewelry and clothing. I do have two nice rings. The one my husband gave me for the engagement and the other one for the wedding. But does it matter how expensive these rings were? Do I really put myself in debt for a wedding ring and make sacrifices every day do pay of said debt? I do not even want to go into a big wedding party and all that. The most important thing is the vowels we made to each other – to simply trust each other and love each other. The ring is not that important. When it comes to clothing I have to say that it is not important what brand name is written in or on my clothing. Where it is manufactured is important. Have you ever looked where your $200 Burberry jeans is made? Yep, China. With clothing it is definitely quality over quantity for me. Do you want to become a walking billboard? I don’t think so. I am not really impressed by the watch you wear, the shirt or any of that stuff. I love it however if you wear something timeless and you wear it with confidence. You want to make an impression by WHO you are – not what you wear. 

Retirement. Is it important to count down the days or hours until retirement to wait for the big trip that you are going to do? To retire seems like the ultimate goal for people. You ask anybody and they tell you: “I have several [….] years left to retirement.” Many people dream of all these nice things that they will do once they retire. You live HERE and NOW. Try to make it work HERE and NOW somehow. Don’t wait until retirement! Who knows if you really reach it! I got towed today because my car got stuck on the highway and the tow tow truck guy told me that he works TWO jobs to get his family by. (His wife has to work too now just to make ends meet). I asked him about his retirement. He said that he does not know when this will be. Probably when he is 75 because then all his mortgage will be paid of along with his student loans. Sad! The American Dream I guess. 

Your cellphone and the photos you share. The other day I waited for the UPS delivery because my husband told me I have to sign for the package that is going to arrive. The package arrived and in it was a brand new iPhone 6. Say whaaaat? Yes! I used his old iPhone 4 for the longest time now and I was fine with it. He simply got an upgrade for his phone so he sent me this new iPhone 6. People look what kind of phone you have and judge. On the playground, when you take pictures, it is just the weirdest thing. Like who the hell cares! Many always want the latest technology and the latest gadgets. Not me. I was fine with what I had but then came the new phone. It still takes me a while to get adjusted and I like it. The key is though that I did not need it and I would not have gotten it for myself. Recently I heard about this app you can download on your iPhone – YouCamPerfect! There you have the option to change your selfie into the “perfect” you. Change your appearance, your hair, the shape of your face blablabla… how about showing your face the way it is? The way you really look? Who are you hiding from? Yourself? 

Overall I would say that the dollars in a bank account are by far not the greatest measurement of success. I think it is more important to accomplish an amount of good in our little lives while we are allowed to play around on this planet earth. We should not try to impress others with all these things we own and maybe start to inspire them instead by the way we really should live our life. 

“The trouble is, you think you have time” – Buddha

This post was written because a reader wants to know how I manage my time and money. I need to tell you that I am no expert in either thing. I am just trying and testing things out and apply what works for me and my family.  I made it my passion to write my blog but being a single parent these days it is quite tough. I walked by a daycare place the other day close to our house. They told me I can drop my son off just for a day if I need to get things done. This is great and very helpful. I would not really use it to write, but maybe if I have to drive to New York for appointments which is a hassle with a toddler for sure. When it comes to money management… well, definitely NOT an expert even though I am trying to live as minimalistic as possible. I have done it all, from debt to debt-free and I have learned along the way. Then again, there are certain things that I do buy for myself or my son at points that are not necessary but I know he or I will enjoy it. Sometimes there is no reason to be 100% this or that way. I try to find balance in life. More on money management soon. 

I would like to share a couple of tricks and tips that have worked for me so far managing time. Maybe you get a little inspiration for your life. 

Planning: I started making lists. For example on a Sunday I make a shopping list of what I have to cook the next week. Shopping, major shopping for something and meal plans for us. This made me save a lot of money because if I have an exact list of what I want to cook during the week and a shopping list of what I need. This way I don’t run around in the supermarket and buy way too much and don’t even use half of it. I keep my list on the fridge and look at it every time I open the fridge to just add things for the next week.

An example for a meal plan for the week:

Monday: Vegetable soup served with toasted bread

Tuesday: Pizzas with salad

Wednesday: Pasta with Pesto

Thursday: Rice, salmon and spinach

Friday: Homemade French fries, burgers and salad

Usually ingredients overlap so you save money here as well. Simple as that. When it comes to blogging I purchased this planner and I am in love with it. It organizes all my writings and keeps me informed what I have to add or work on next.

On my fridge I have a visual erasable planner board to put things down that need to get done during the week besides shopping. Doctor appointments, dentist, yoga practice, bills that are due, people I need to call etc. 

Me-time: I have found that is the most important to have “me-time”. Even when my husband was still here we used to all have dinner together and then everyone was off on his own for a couple of hours doing whatever we needed to get done. Usually for me it was bringing my son to bed and then start writing and working on my website. For him, surfing the internet and researching for our projects. I love this time for myself – just blogging or even reading in bed is great. After a long day these are the things that relax me. Usually at some point my husband and I find each other again on the couch and watch something before we go to bed. I think it is essential to make time for yourself to stay motivated in life, to relax, to just don’t hear and see anything else but what you love to do. Especially now that I am alone with my son.

Cleaning: There is nothing worse for me than a house all messy and things all over the place. I want it nice, clean and in order. (A German thing!)  Every Friday I clean both bathrooms and if I have time left I clean the living room as well. During the week I vacuum my son’s room and our bedroom and the kitchen is being done well almost daily. I don’t clean the floor every day, but the counter and things I use obviously get cleaned after I am done cooking. So this keeps me in check of not living in a messy cluttered house. 

Overall it is just such a great feeling to know you are on top of things. Everything that needed to get paid is paid, grocery shopping for the week is done and you will realize how much time you have left to do what you really love. I was always pretty organized in life (Hi mom!) and I made a folder for every damn thing. You will get used to being organized and put together and it will soon become a habit that you enjoy. If you are a student it will make your life very easy to simply start out with a planner. To schedule time is key because guess what, it is not about having time, it is about making time. 

This week was all about running around getting thing done. We need vaccinations to visit my husband in Kinshasa/Congo which needs to be scheduled after a ton of paperwork has been filled out. Visa applications, phone calls to make, places to go and of course many playgrounds to check out. 

First I want to share a playground that my son and I visited which is really great. 

1. Playing around: Cherry Lawn Park in Darien/Norwalk. This park is for now definitely #1 on our list. You can find tennis courts, basketball courts, a big community garden and a wonderful playground area which my son loved. He is not even two years old and he did it all… slides,towers, climbing everything, playing in the sand and many toys that always remain at the playground. We spent two hours there and time flew by. He was so exhausted that all he needed was a light dinner, shower, two stories I had to read to him and he was out – perfect.  Another great part about this park is that there are clean public restrooms, even with changing areas. 

2. Reading: This awesome book by Haruki Murakami: “Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and his years of pilgrimage.”  Book Review will be out on Sunday. Also read this article if you like –  Agatha Christie at The New Yorker:  Agatha Christie – The Queen of Crime. 

3. Watching: This.  Because all you need is love. Period! And this. As a huge Michel Houellebecq lover this documentary is a must. It is in English with German subtitles. 

4. Enjoying: Watching my son plays with his latest toy. He is occupied with this toy for up to 45 minutes which is great. 

Another add- on to the “enjoying-section”: SUSHI. Lots of sushi. I know the oceans are polluted, the fish is probably not as fresh as it is supposed to be and maybe it is not even healthy but sometimes I just love to have it so I do. Simple as that. The sushi at Oishi Sushi & Izakaya in Norwalk CT was indeed very fresh and delicious. My son and I ate there during lunchtime and the restaurant was not packed but not empty either. Just comfortable. The staff was very friendly by being attentive but not overly on top and stopping by every five minutes to ask if we want anything else. The selection is plentiful. Check their menu before you go there. For lunch I had: edamame salmon avocado roll, uni sashimi, tuna and salmon sashimi and a Dragon Roll. My son had: Butternut squash soup and a bowl of plain rice. I highly recommend this restaurant.

5. Listening to: This song.  So whenever I feel lonely or sad I listen to this song. My husband and I made this ‘our’ song. 🙂 Feel free to make it yours. 

Have a great weekend.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Six months ago I started this blog and to sit down every morning or evening to write has been a constant in my life ever since. I try to write an article every day if time permits it. I have a plethora of ideas but time management is something different these days. I spend my afternoons at the playground, at the aquarium or at the park these days which is okay. If you love writing so much you will find time or will make time somehow to make writing possible for you. Easy as that. Looking at my blog editorial planner I have planned a lot of fun stuff so far for my readers. I just enjoy what writing has meant to me on a personal level. It just makes me happy on a daily basis. Everything I basically do could be a possible article. All the books I read are going to be book reviews (unless they suck – well even then I will write about them so you might not consider buying them ha!). Things I buy, things I love, things we do together, things I cook – there is simply so much for me to share. 

Blogging has changed me and writing has forced some sort of discipline in my life. I know I do “have” to sit down and write something because people love to read my stuff and I want to share what I experienced and live. In the beginning I thought I can have a glass of wine while writing (or two) and have some music playing in the background. Well what it all boiled down to is that I have to sit quietly on my chair usually all alone with nobody to disturb me in front of a white page blog screen. This is where and how it all starts. I read this quote by Dawson Trotman once which said, “The greatest time wasted is the time getting started.” Well, I have to say he was right. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to articulate my opinions that I was literally wasting time. Now all I do is write down what comes to my mind – sometimes research it or change it if necessary. The key is to write things down as I observe them. I do it the old fashioned way and keep pencil and paper with me usually at all times. Hey, you never know. 😀 

I like how I personally grow through writing and how I learn new things about it on a daily basis. I have “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk usually opened up right next to me while I write. This book has been recommended to me by my Literature professor in college and it was and still is very helpful to me. Looking back through all my posts I can see how my writing has already changed and more how I have changed. There is still so much room for improvement and so much more to accomplish that I keep looking forward to new writing adventures and challenges. 

Last night my son woke up and cried. He rarely does so it must have been all the impressions from the playground or just a bad dream. (Can they possibly have bad dreams already?) I took him to bed with me. All snuggled up against me, he fell asleep again for a bit. It is early in the morning I think. I don’t want to check what time it is so he won’t wake up. My eyelids are heavy  because I have been working on my website for way too long and my eyes are just begging to close for just a little longer. My son turns around again, wiggles in his little sleeping sack and I say to myself I will close my yes for one more minute. When I open them however the sun has changed the light of the room by being stronger and warmer and shining through the blinds. My son and I wake up. He looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes and says “Mama”. My heart melts. We snuggle for a while and play and he gets hungry and thirsty and wants his breakfast.

Then he is up all day long, running around, playground, discovering and exploring things and it is time for dinner. And then bedtime again. My son is tired when he gets these dark circles under his eyes, does not want to play anymore and just gets way to quiet. 🙂 He is not taking any naps during the day so at 8-9pm he is exhausted and I put him down. Then it is time to rest for me. Quiet time, me time. I love these hours of solitude, being able to do whatever I want. Reading, writing, researching – it is my time. Before I go to bed I usually talk or write to my husband again online. (Five hours time difference). We talk about how lucky we are to live this life we are living, about the past, about our son and of course the future and all the plans we have. All the new adventures that are about to happen.

Since my husband left about a week ago our world has been flipped upside down. We did not have any schedules really but everything is just weird and strange without my husband being here physically. Soon, we will resume everyday life again and it will be all okay but for now everything feels out of place. What I love about the whole “husband is gone thing” is that my son thinks he is the man in the house. Kind of like we have to take care of each other and just silently wait for a new routine to evolve. Currently we are learning how to manage this family of two and just being alone. Before, my parents were a great help but now I am on my own. Some sort of balance will come and it will be all okay.

For now we live this simple life – just the two of us discovering Connecticut and New York which is sometimes very challenging but great. We are just taking every moment, one day at a time. All we have to do is really just have to live and enjoy every day doing something awesome. My husband has to work, makes the money for this family of ours for now and we are able to stay home and I do appreciate this on a daily basis. My son is able to stay home with me, does not have to be in any daycare place and can enjoy this peace of family, rest, home-cooked fresh food and play in our house and garden. Just be!

Even though my husband cannot be physically here right now – this is our family. This is our story and our love. We fill it with laughter, joy and conversations every day and night until my son falls asleep in my arms again.

 

This is a question I would love to discuss with my friend Patrick Aigner from Sunnyside Café in Coburg. Check this place out whenever you are in Coburg/Germany –  it is magically special. As a book lover I think it is great that you are able to order your books through them (Amina & Patrick) at the café or on their website. Good coffee, cake, choices of breakfasts or snacks, and an awesome selection of books (from spiritual to Bukowski and back to spiritual) and simply a place to rest, think and stay awhile.

So, I walked the streets of Paris the night before my birthday and saw this sticker at one of the poles on the street. “Are you you?” I had to stop and take a picture while wondering who I really am and why I am born in this place and time and not another. Why not 400 years ago or even 500 years in the future? Maybe there is the possibility that I would not have been born at all? Do you think these questions make sense?

These questions are just big to me because it  addresses a fundamental aspect of being and so much more. So who am I really? Am I really one person? Maybe we are are all just characters (well, some of us are for sure!) in a novel or some story written down somewhere. Or we are just part of a dream or movie? How do we know all this around us is really there? Or why are we this particular person instead of another?

I personally think that these questions make a lot of sense and I have my own thoughts and ideas on all this. I think it all depends on how you describe “you”. I think you can be your story, your memories or your body. Then it is pretty clear. Then you are not someone else because nobody else is connected physically to your brain. The other take is the philosophical one when you think of “you” as the consciousness. Then you can say that you are you I believe. That you are unique sort of because you think. (“And therefore you are” – René Descartes)

I believe that there is just no way to be 100% sure that I am who I am. Simply because there is no way to tell if I am born only in this place and time. There is just no proof that I have not lived at any other point.  Isn’t it simply a miracle that one single tiny sperm is the fastest and creates life? Like WHY this one? Why am I me? Or why is my son my son? It could easily be that another sperm would have won this race to reach the egg no? Is it all meaningless? Is this just life?

Or is it possible that two or even more people have the same consciousness but we do not know it because we are not connected?

Philosophy Tuesday I guess 😀

Let me know your thoughts!