Last night my son woke up and cried. He rarely does so it must have been all the impressions from the playground or just a bad dream. (Can they possibly have bad dreams already?) I took him to bed with me. All snuggled up against me, he fell asleep again for a bit. It is early in the morning I think. I don’t want to check what time it is so he won’t wake up. My eyelids are heavy  because I have been working on my website for way too long and my eyes are just begging to close for just a little longer. My son turns around again, wiggles in his little sleeping sack and I say to myself I will close my yes for one more minute. When I open them however the sun has changed the light of the room by being stronger and warmer and shining through the blinds. My son and I wake up. He looks at me with his beautiful brown eyes and says “Mama”. My heart melts. We snuggle for a while and play and he gets hungry and thirsty and wants his breakfast.
Then he is up all day long, running around, playground, discovering and exploring things and it is time for dinner. And then bedtime again. My son is tired when he gets these dark circles under his eyes, does not want to play anymore and just gets way to quiet. 🙂 He is not taking any naps during the day so at 8-9pm he is exhausted and I put him down. Then it is time to rest for me. Quiet time, me time. I love these hours of solitude, being able to do whatever I want. Reading, writing, researching – it is my time. Before I go to bed I usually talk or write to my husband again online. (Five hours time difference). We talk about how lucky we are to live this life we are living, about the past, about our son and of course the future and all the plans we have. All the new adventures that are about to happen.
Since my husband left about a week ago our world has been flipped upside down. We did not have any schedules really but everything is just weird and strange without my husband being here physically. Soon, we will resume everyday life again and it will be all okay but for now everything feels out of place. What I love about the whole “husband is gone thing” is that my son thinks he is the man in the house. Kind of like we have to take care of each other and just silently wait for a new routine to evolve. Currently we are learning how to manage this family of two and just being alone. Before, my parents were a great help but now I am on my own. Some sort of balance will come and it will be all okay.
For now we live this simple life – just the two of us discovering Connecticut and New York which is sometimes very challenging but great. We are just taking every moment, one day at a time. All we have to do is really just have to live and enjoy every day doing something awesome. My husband has to work, makes the money for this family of ours for now and we are able to stay home and I do appreciate this on a daily basis. My son is able to stay home with me, does not have to be in any daycare place and can enjoy this peace of family, rest, home-cooked fresh food and play in our house and garden. Just be!
Even though my husband cannot be physically here right now – this is our family. This is our story and our love. We fill it with laughter, joy and conversations every day and night until my son falls asleep in my arms again.
