.SOMETIMES RAW.

“Jo [her husband] and I are happy, I say, my voice unsteady. We’ve had our ups and downs like all couples, but we’ve managed to get over the bad times. We have two lovely children, a pretty little house, friends, we go on holiday twice a year. The shop is doing very well…”

The semester ended and it feels so good to read for pleasure again. Books had been piling up at my house since I of course spent a lot of time working at my favorite bookstore Black Squirrel Books. Needless to say, there was always a “book reward purchase” at the end, sigh! 

For our recent journey to Germany, I took Murakami’s novella “South of the Border, West of the Sun” that I finished in a couple of hours on the plane.  A book review will follow soon. [Murakami’s writing style is just so great and keeps me reading without realizing where I was – on the plane with a three year-old who “reads” next to me or watches “Finding Nemo” or “Finding Dory” on repeat!] 

My mom and I can talk about books for hours too since we share the same passion/addiction for reading. She read a bunch of great book recently and kept a pile of her favorites nicely piled up for me. Grégroire Delacourt was one of them among Bodo Kirchhoff who is a German author I never heard of. I started “My Wish List” simply because it is a little novella that I wanted to finish in one night due to being up because of jet leg and Petit Joel’s cough. 

In a nutshell: What a quaint, thought-provoking, amazing novella indeed that made me think about my own life, choices and decisions at 3 am in the morning. The main protagonists of the book kept me focused throughout the entire reading and I somehow could even relate to Jocelyne as well as her husband in some ways. The book just has a wonderful plot. 

The plot (no spoilers): A woman, married, writer of a blog and passionate knitter at a small company she owned and two kids, wins a large sum of money on the lottery. Nothing too crazy, yet indeed something that is nice and many secretly desire. Who doesn’t want to win the lottery? What will happen next? I expected a somewhat light-hearted story of her telling the family about her win, traveling the world and spending the money happily but wisely on things they/she always dreamt about. With this sum of money, all her wishes could come true, or couldn’t they? Jocelyne, the main protagonist, who had been touched by tragedy many times already is however very strong and manages to just keep on going and to focus on the good things in life. However, what she cannot change is her fear of losing the man she loves. 

What I enjoyed about the book was that the main protagonist Jocelyne never doubted her life or decisions. However, is it okay to want more for yourself or of life?  Or the main question, if this amount of money could ruin whatever one has right now in life – even if your life seems so ordinary? Is it possible that this money can buy you a happier, better or even new life? 

Additionally, I love to read when authors refer to other great works of literature or writers. Delacourt referred to Albert Cohen’s Belle de Seigneur who Jocelyne loved to read. The author mentioned several characters of this particular book throughout his writings that makes it interesting to pick up Seigneur next. Many idea from the book stay with me ever since and make me reflect on life differently. 

Do you still need a Christmas gift for someone or for yourself? Purchase this beautiful gem of a novella. It will make you think about what is really important in life. 

Interested? Click here for the English and here for the German copy of the book. Happy reading!

It is cold in Canada and I am experiencing some sort of Winter Blues. Petit Joel and I are outside as much as possible. We built snowwomen and snow castles while being all wrapped up in layers and layers of clothing. Winter calls for warm, comfy food and the first thing that comes to my mind is: soup. I have been in some sort of battle with my intestines (gallbladder, yikes!) lately, but I am slowly but surely on the road to recovery. I have to be careful what I eat and cut out most things fatty for now. So what can we eat? Petit Joel is still my picky eater but he is getting better and always eats/tries everything in school – just not my food. Go figure, eh! This soup he loves and eats so win-win. 

For supper, we recently enjoy this carrot/ginger soup which is so tasty and hits the spot when we come back inside half frozen. It is super fast and easy to make, too and has been a go-to of mine for a few weeks now. All you need is a couple of basic ingredients, throw them into a pot and blend after. I don’t drink regular milk, so I used coconut milk instead. [I am typing all this at my local bookstore: The guy to my right wears a complete Scottish Kilt and the guy behind me laughs like this! They do serve very good coffee though and it is book-heaven, so it is all good and fun!] Back to my soup. I got off on a tangent here. What I wanted to say was, the coconut milk gives the soup this creamy, rich texture and flavor. 😀 

Fence Post Shadows – by Judith Lockett

Ottawa is a breathing, living city where inspiration seems to be around every corner. I think it is just a center for culture and art and even wandering the streets in my neighborhood is one of the most rewarding experiences. The unexpected discoveries are the best, in my opinion. I sat inside a coffee shop on Bank Street the other day and thought about what countless galleries and museums I will visit next. There are just so many amazing places and I am building up a somewhat deep love for this city. 

I was always a bit on the artsy side and interested in any art exhibit. Going to a museum and being able to spend several hours there discovering art is soul-food and self-care for me. However, it took a lot of unraveling, being uncertain or shifting to be comfortable at the point where I am right now. Whenever it comes to self-care, I forgot the importance of creating some type of boundaries while I attempted to take a couple of steps back in the direction of evolution and self-improvement. Taking steps back is not always easy or comfortable but was essential to my personal sanity and growth. I just want to protect this magic that is within me. 

What I learned on my self-care journey so far is that looking at unwinding, saying “no” and decompressing in a healthy way is a must for my personal growth. This took a lot of practice. Years of practice. I am “only” 35 years-old and for quite some time I let the comfort of simply being surrounded by others dictate how I arranged my life or moved through it. I worried how others saw me, if they liked me or if I am accepted by everyone but myself. To fit in, I tried to bend, shape and mold myself into something that I was not. People used to walk freely in and out of my life like it was some sort of revolving door and some left a huge mess behind because I did not create this safe space or some type of healthy boundaries. So how did I feel throughout all this? Internally, I was struggling hard and externally, I was tired and drained most of the time. 

Adirondack Chair – Judith Lockett

How did I start this transition into more self-care? It was lonely at first, but I am fine with me, myself and I. Sometimes this means cutting ties or losing friends. And sometimes just a simple “no” without feeling being swallowed up by guilt afterwards were concepts I worked on and became pretty good at. I needed to go out and enjoy one of the best ballet performances I have ever seen tonight for example. And I was comfortable hiring a new babysitter for the night and not even thinking about what could go wrong. Stepping away when I need time for myself is something I implemented and that works really well these days. In the beginning however, it was some sort of awkward transition and taking “me time” felt selfish because I could rather spend the time with my son and safe the money I would spend on a babysitter. It felt almost rude to go out at night. This would be categorized under “Unhealthy Attachments 101” I reckon. 

Self-care is not selfish. Living this life that puts me first and anybody else second is great and I can give the greatest attention to others [my son for example], after I have nurtured myself. And whenever I somewhat cater to the home front I am able to shine for others in a way that feels good to everybody involved. This is why people like me. I figured it out. Ha! Today, I was glad to have been invited to an amazing art exhibit of my friend Judith Lockett. Whenever I read “Art & Wine” on an invitation, most likely count me in. So Petit Joel and I spent the most amazing afternoon at Judith’s and Keith’s house and this was all food for my soul for me. Great conversations about art, life and so much more. I love to indulge in things that fill me up with confidence and especially without the attachments fear or uncertainty. Self-care is just rewarding. 

After we left, I realized that this type of artistic intercourse and self-care was like getting to know myself all over again. It was a humbling, free and comfortable feeling. It feels so great to be able to indulge in things that fill me up and make me happy. Peace of mind is key for me and being happy with what I have manifested is salient. Who knows what tomorrow or the future will bring. Bring it on. I am open for it. [Ryder to the rescue. Just Yelp for Help.] And I am desperate to check out the Nordik Spa here in Ottawa!