Fence Post Shadows – by Judith Lockett
Ottawa is a breathing, living city where inspiration seems to be around every corner. I think it is just a center for culture and art and even wandering the streets in my neighborhood is one of the most rewarding experiences. The unexpected discoveries are the best, in my opinion. I sat inside a coffee shop on Bank Street the other day and thought about what countless galleries and museums I will visit next. There are just so many amazing places and I am building up a somewhat deep love for this city.
I was always a bit on the artsy side and interested in any art exhibit. Going to a museum and being able to spend several hours there discovering art is soul-food and self-care for me. However, it took a lot of unraveling, being uncertain or shifting to be comfortable at the point where I am right now. Whenever it comes to self-care, I forgot the importance of creating some type of boundaries while I attempted to take a couple of steps back in the direction of evolution and self-improvement. Taking steps back is not always easy or comfortable but was essential to my personal sanity and growth. I just want to protect this magic that is within me.
What I learned on my self-care journey so far is that looking at unwinding, saying “no” and decompressing in a healthy way is a must for my personal growth. This took a lot of practice. Years of practice. I am “only” 35 years-old and for quite some time I let the comfort of simply being surrounded by others dictate how I arranged my life or moved through it. I worried how others saw me, if they liked me or if I am accepted by everyone but myself. To fit in, I tried to bend, shape and mold myself into something that I was not. People used to walk freely in and out of my life like it was some sort of revolving door and some left a huge mess behind because I did not create this safe space or some type of healthy boundaries. So how did I feel throughout all this? Internally, I was struggling hard and externally, I was tired and drained most of the time.
Adirondack Chair – Judith Lockett
How did I start this transition into more self-care? It was lonely at first, but I am fine with me, myself and I. Sometimes this means cutting ties or losing friends. And sometimes just a simple “no” without feeling being swallowed up by guilt afterwards were concepts I worked on and became pretty good at. I needed to go out and enjoy one of the best ballet performances I have ever seen tonight for example. And I was comfortable hiring a new babysitter for the night and not even thinking about what could go wrong. Stepping away when I need time for myself is something I implemented and that works really well these days. In the beginning however, it was some sort of awkward transition and taking “me time” felt selfish because I could rather spend the time with my son and safe the money I would spend on a babysitter. It felt almost rude to go out at night. This would be categorized under “Unhealthy Attachments 101” I reckon.
Self-care is not selfish. Living this life that puts me first and anybody else second is great and I can give the greatest attention to others [my son for example], after I have nurtured myself. And whenever I somewhat cater to the home front I am able to shine for others in a way that feels good to everybody involved. This is why people like me. I figured it out. Ha! Today, I was glad to have been invited to an amazing art exhibit of my friend Judith Lockett. Whenever I read “Art & Wine” on an invitation, most likely count me in. So Petit Joel and I spent the most amazing afternoon at Judith’s and Keith’s house and this was all food for my soul for me. Great conversations about art, life and so much more. I love to indulge in things that fill me up with confidence and especially without the attachments fear or uncertainty. Self-care is just rewarding.
After we left, I realized that this type of artistic intercourse and self-care was like getting to know myself all over again. It was a humbling, free and comfortable feeling. It feels so great to be able to indulge in things that fill me up and make me happy. Peace of mind is key for me and being happy with what I have manifested is salient. Who knows what tomorrow or the future will bring. Bring it on. I am open for it. [Ryder to the rescue. Just Yelp for Help.] And I am desperate to check out the Nordik Spa here in Ottawa!
