.SOMETIMES RAW.

I cleaned my kitchen cabinets this morning to just get an overview on what I have hoarded. The fridge, freezers and storage cabinets are full with stuff and I still end up going to the store to buy more. Well, I actually realized that I don’t need to buy food at all for weeks. Seriously, that much stuff. I watched Michael Pollan’s documentary In Defense of Food the other day since the book was okay and inspirational. I also love to broaden my horizon whenever it comes to food and my health. And what I really like is flavorful, mostly organic food by trying to embrace the notion of the current season. I am fortunate to eat this way, I have to add. Organic healthy eating is actually not really that cheap and Pollan hasn’t paid too much attention or provided solutions on this topic for the let’s say, less fortunate community. 

Pollan describes different eating habits in countries like France for example. Whenever I am in France, I admire how people enjoy good, simple food just like cheese, a baguette and a bottle of good wine shared with friends. They take their time and rarely walk around with food in their hand; it seems eating is a celebration and sensation every time without stressing out. The same I observed in Spain when people come out of their houses early in the evening when it is not that hot anymore (usually by 8 pm!!) and meet at a local small restaurant to eat together and take their time. No stress, no drive-through ordering at Starbucks (or anywhere actually) ever and just taking my time to prepare a nice meal.  “Eating this way is what I want, too”, I said and I made some adjustments but overall, simplicity is key for me. 

Petit Joel and I spent this morning in the kitchen cooking and baking which turned out to be so much fun. He loved to help and made cakes with the homemade Playdoh I made for him. We sprouted seeds, made chocolate ice cream, bread and rolls only with ingredients I had already at home. The kitchen had this nice smell of freshly baked bread while I kept cleaning the cabinets, throwing things out that 1) I would never eat again or 2) are expired. 

Later and after we cleaned the entire kitchen, we took our bicycles and decided to have lunch in the park at The New Art Festival which is really well done and great to visit even with kids. Diving into art and learning about local artists and their artwork is just what rounded up this day nicely for me.  Our picnic blanket came in handy when someone was too tired and felt too hot to continue walking because his legs are old (Joel) so we stopped and ate our rolls, some sliced carrots, apples and he then waited patiently in line for some chocolate ice-cream drink at the festival. 

We spent the rest of the day outside, playing, talking to friends and enjoying the sun and warmth. So what’s for supper? Joel wanted more of my bread (yay!) with banana slices and some almond butter. This was basically it since we usually eat very light for supper. Of course, whenever ze husband is around we have homemade pizzas or pasta in any variation but usually, I just have some form of salad and take a paper-wrapped cheese or occasionally charcuterie from the fridge and lay it out nicely on a wooden board. I add some grapes and call it The French Revolution Night. I might open a jar of Pâté and eat this with a slice of crusty homemade bread. Heaven! Again, simple is key! 

After this long day we curled up on the couch with hot chocolate and popcorn to watch Moana again (Petit Joel’s favorite movie!). Thinking about food, traveling and what I already ate I have to say that I can adapt to anything, especially if it is  simple and rustic (German) but also fine dining and complex dishes (Delegates Dining Room United Nations). For me, variation is important because eating the same things every day gets boring and I want to try new things. Like pho. 

What I discovered in Ottawa today: 

While we ate supper today, we listened to Jazz. There is some sort of Jazz music playing at our house most of the time. These days I am into Kenny Barron. I found out today that he will be in Ottawa soon for the Jazz Festival. Hopefully I can be there to enjoy this fantastic artist even if it means to take Joel. He is used to my taste in music by now, I reckon. He better be! 🙂 Life is good. And I am listening to this while I am typing. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SohMWcK_q4

I have an appointment. I leave my house on time (German time) to be there early enough so I won’t have to stress out. Out of nowhere there is this insane traffic and I am stuck in it. Initially (three minutes or so), I wait patiently. Then, I stick my head out of the window to see what is going on but I cannot see anything. I start thumb twiddling and I ask myself why the traffic is like this and how it is even possible. I change the music in the car and open and close the window one more time. I want to check if I can see why I am still stuck here and what happened but instead I observe two squirrels fighting over an acorn in the little park next to me. This makes me think about a study I read once on that squirrels only find two out of ten acorns they hid somewhere. “So apparently, this is how trees grow?”, I say out loud, no clue why. But how amazing is that? Thumb twiddling again. 

And still stuck in traffic. The squirrels disappeared and they did not really make the situation that much better. Just a tiny bit because they are cute. I am looking at the clock in the car and get anxious. Anxious about the traffic and my tardiness (I am German, so this is a big one!) I am thinking about jumping out of the car, leaving the car behind and running to my appointment. At least I would do something. WHY ARE THE CARS NOT MOVING AT ALL? But keeping it real here, I wouldn’t make it on time at this point even if I would run as fast as The Six Million Dollar Man. This situation is just completely out of my control and there is nothing I can do or change about it. 

All I can do right now is to sit here and be patient which I am not very good at. I have been thinking about patience a lot lately since I am freaking out every other day, curled up in fetal position crying [just kidding, mom!], about my thesis and the approach I will use. Friends and family are tired of me going on and on about this. But it seems that every time I finally should learn that it all takes time and I cannot rush things, I figure out a way to make me feel miserable and question everything. Usually, I want everything done instantly, right here right now and I make myself sick sometimes putting a lot of pressure upon myself. 

So, I had a minor breakdown the other day at Starbucks and the only thing that changed my bad, miserable mood was a comment a friend made on a huge guy getting out of his teeny tiny car. I start to believe that patience is my new synonym for passivity aka laziness. To just leave certain things unresolved and to wait and let them linger around for as long as possible so they will eventually resolve themselves. I tried this new method for a while but it just does not work. I am not very good at procrastinating either since, for me, this is a terrible way to manage things. I get by without patience with certain things, but usually it is not very pleasant. I know that I need patience to accomplish things in a better, smarter way sometimes without getting too anxious about it all. These abrupt decisions that I sometimes make just because I am not patient and I don’t wait to see the whole picture are just weighing me down and make it all harder on myself. 

I know that patience feels good and is required for my own sanity. It is just sometimes difficult to apply this knowledge. Damn you, thesis. I just want it all done and written. And find the best approach right here and now. I am on a good path however which is already a great realization toward the bigger picture I reckon. 

I am still stuck in traffic but I stopped sticking my head out of the window to check what is going on. I also stopped asking why I am stuck here and how this all happened in the first place. Further, I stopped questioning if I will ever get out of this. I change the music to this, grab the book that is always in my purse for emergencies but then I just observe those two squirrels that came back to fight over another acorn. Isn’t it amazing that they hide all those acorns and they are pretty much the only animals that eat them? Like, nobody else cares about acorns. Why are they hiding so many? Why are they fighting over acorns? Also, all traffic jams will end at some point. 

Petit Joel and I just needed new toothbrushes and almond milk. Just two effing bamboo toothbrushes and almond milk from Whole Foods.That’s it. I am a minimalist. Nothing more, nothing less. The problem is, this store is just awesome since it has it all. Natural alternatives, organic food, a huge variety of cheese and fish (love!) and of course nuts, seeds, fancy chocolate, tons of awesome “free of everything” beauty products and samples. 

Another issue is where the almond milk is located. To get there, I have to traverse the entire store which means I usually wear my invisible horse blinders and walk through it quickly like on hot coals (with Chanel flats on). Petit Joel and I hit the Farmers Market and then for whatever reason I thought about these toothbrushes and almond milk and we both ended up in this store where the first part is usually okay, since it is all produce. We actually ran out of carrots though and I forgot to buy them at the Farmers Market, so they wander silently into my shopping cart. Off we go. Destination almond milk. Petit Joel in the cart (plus carrots). I add some arugula just because. We then entered cheese heaven with all the samples. Petit Joel loves cheese as well and tries this one and that one and decides he likes them both. So do I. And the mozzarella. I go back to the produce aisle to get some fresh basil to make a Caprese for supper. I am pushing my cart quickly back to the cheese section and pass this beautiful wooden salad bowl what would look so nice with my wooden salad fork and spoon set. Does this salad bowl have big googly eyes on the side? I have to get out of here. 

I get some fresh salmon, too. That will go nicely with my Caprese salad tonight. I also get some frozen salmon for my famous pasta with salmon sauce dish that Petit Joel loves. We also ran out of organic ketchup, mustard for salad dressing, salt, pepper and yes, there is the almond milk section. Everything in the cart. Pushing on to the bread aisle. We actually get our bread every week from either Farm Boy or preferably the Farmers Market on Sunday and purchase enough so it lasts us all week. However, somehow a chocolate croissant made its way into the cart and was halfway eaten when we eventually approached the register. We don’t eat cereal so everything is okay while we walk through this aisle but wow, look at those beautiful journals next to the Yoga mats, Yoga pants and Yoga everything else. I should start practicing Yoga again. Maybe I should get these yoga pants which will make me sign up for a class for sure. Those pants will transform my whole life. Or this journal since I don’t have enough journals already. 

I quickly skim through the cleaning supplies aisle and shake my head at all this useless stuff that nobody needs. Like Swiffer with organic cotton pads that smell like lavender and strangely cute looking detergents liquid bubbly things that Petit Joel gave names to because they look like Minions. Some super organic dishwashing detergents and towels stay in the shelves and finally, Jesus Christ, I leave all this behind. 

I forget about my salmon/salad supper idea when we pass the buffet section. A little sushi would be awesome, too. The register is visible and my heart is pounding. I wander toward the register, grab some Fiddleheads, some aspartame free gum and load everything on the conveyor belt. I paid my bill (why  $210?) and skedaddle out of Whole Foods; three bags of food and other items while I realize that I have never been particularly bad with finances but I have never been great with them either. I usually do pretty well but then I splurge on books or at Whole Foods. Life is a learning process and I am working on being in charge of my expenses all (most of) the time. My former statistic professor would recommend to probably track my expenses in a spreadsheet or something. It reminds me of the time when I used to bring my food to work, all healthy and prepared in mason jars the night before and stored it in the fridge at work. My coworkers always thought I am so healthy and efficient  but then I went out for lunch to just get out of the office which gave me a nice opportunity to stretch my legs and see something different than the computer screen. 

I sometimes even buy a cookie and an apple juice for Petit Joel at Starbucks before I leave the library and pick him up. Sometimes even a soda because I was swayed by the cool bottle. For lunch, I venture sometimes outside of my routine and enjoy large bowls of phô. Okay, I am officially addicted to it and have been trying to stop  but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. It is just so delicious, satisfying and good (for and to me).

Is all this supposed to make me feel bad or ashamed? It might seem a lot for one shopping trip to some but all these things made me (us) really happy, our bellies full and sustained. This is life. It is okay and this salmon tasted pretty awesome with my salad after all since I placed the sushi back in the shelf. 

Now, I will just wait for my husband to call since I used his credit card…..