My son and I had been sick with pneumonia a couple of weeks ago and I started this little project of decluttering his room. We spent a lot of time inside since he had a high fever and the weather here in Canada was/is way too crappy to even take a walk. It is June and we had pretty much nonstop rain for the last couple of days. And cold. And miserable. I could see my breath while talking to my friend in the park today. It has been a rough couple of days at home after I picked him up from daycare since we could not go outside too much. Tough, difficult and hard times seem to have some magic magnets attached to each other I reckon.
So what did we do all day when we were sick? What do you do when you are stuck at home with your (sick) child? When we both felt really sick we were just in and out of sleep on the couch on a Shrek binge-watch. By day three and four, we felt a bit better and I cleaned the house paying close attention to his room for some reason. I have been reminded once more that having less stuff is actually better for my son, too. It just is. He is more content, he plays with whatever he has and still does not even look at certain toys at all that I thought are salient for him to learn X, Y and Z. I know these triggers now because I am a mom. I also know because I have done quite some research, read a lot and observed how other families deal with the toy-situation and their kids.
What I have learned so far with and through my son is that all he really wants is good food, love, a warm cozy bed or couch and some “weird” toys. He prefers sticks, rocks, sand, water, lentils, potatoes, dry pasta, dried fruit, pots and pans from the kitchen cabinet, wooden spoons used as drumsticks or my business card holder He also loves books. Yay! I realized by observing his playing habits that excess, mindless (dumb) toys make him confused and he does not focus too well. He seems more stressed out when there is too much going on.
How did I get rid of his toys? How did I figure out what he really needs and likes to play with? I simply observed him and which toys attracted his attention and the ones he neglected totally. Actually and honestly he neglected most of them. The fancy Paw Patroller…. never plays with it. I am also thinking if any of these toys are adding value to him or our home and I observed that anything that won’t evoke his imagination too much is not interesting to him at all.
I think it is important that he learns through play and that some toys are better than others. Does the toy offer for creativity? Most importantly for (us moms) him is: does he burn off enough energy with the toy and does he really love it? I think that everything we bring into our house should add some value/pleasure. I spoke to a friend the other day and she told me that her parents/extended family bought most of the toys that her son has. Also, that she has a lot of hand-me-downs. I read an article by Brian Gardner once who said “that we just need to look past our own closet to realize that what our child possesses is just a byproduct of our own habits and a result of spending choices we make”. He will be on a good path then. Needless to say, our kids observe whatever we do and we teach them daily. I changed the way I purchase certain things and this let’s me live overall pretty much clutter-free.
Moreover, I arrange and select my son’s toys. If his toys are hidden away he won’t find them. I have them arranged in open bins in his room so he can choose what he wants to play with. This for some reason keeps him calm(er) when he plays. I don’t really want the house to be a complete mess and have toys all over so after he is done playing or when he goes to bed we clean up together. I think when my son observes how I arrange things with care and where I place them he learns. This way, I teach him to take care of things, value them and clean up (German) rather than just throw his toys everywhere.
Since I do it together with him, it is not a punishment. We are both happy to let go of certain toys, to donate them and welcome change. To get rid of certain toys gives my son and I extra space and time to innovate but also to be resourceful. This detox period was a lot of fun and he actually wanted to give his tricycle to a child who is younger. There was never boredom or anger when we put certain toys in the “give away” bin. I like to teach my son this important value that there is so much more in life than accumulating things that don’t really serve a purpose and that less is more. And eventually the concept of quality over quantity. Baby steps. No need to rush.
