.SOMETIMES RAW.

Spring is around the corner, my darlings. I love everything about spring. The days are longer, more sun, warmer, more time spent outside, and long sunset evenings with friends and family. And of course, time spent with good books. So, determined to get excited about some spring readings, I rolled up my sleeves and researched some titles for you. I asked book editor friends which ones were getting crazy buzz and scoured the reviews. Here are five I’m loving, and please tell me what’s stacked on your night table in the comments below….

The Girls by Emma Cline
Last night, I climbed in bed and cracked open this book. Ten minutes later, I had broken out in a cold sweat. Cline’s debut novel — which has already been snatched up for a film version — is set in a hippie commune in 1969 and is loosely based on the Charles Manson murders that took place that summer. A 14-year-old girl, Evie, falls in with the wrong crowd and joins a community in Marin County, California, that’s presided over by a charismatic, volatile leader. Beautifully written and terrifying.

LaRose by Louise Erdrich
This book has a heartbreaking premise: While deer-hunting in North Dakota, Landreaux Iron accidentally shoots and kills his neighbor’s five-year-old son. Guilt-ridden and tormented by grief, Iron and his wife decide to give their own young son, LaRose, to the boy’s parents. “Our son will be your son now,” he tells them, acting on a tribal principle from his Ojibwe heritage. The saga that follows is beautifully told by the bestselling author Lousie Erdrich, who herself is part Ojibwe (and won the 2012 National Book Award for The Round House). It is painfully sad at times, but you can’t put it down.

Maestra by L.S. Hilton
When an author’s very first book immediately hits the New York Times bestseller list, you know there’s something remarkable about it. In this case, it’s… the sex. The New York Post said Maestra “makes ’50 Shades’ look like the Bible.” The psychological thriller follows Judith Rashleigh, a young assistant in London’s art world who’s fired (and then goes on the run through France and Italy) after she uncovers a conspiracy. If you liked The Talented Mr. Ripley, you’ll love this. I tore through it in a few days, and Stella and ten of her friends bought copies for their book club. Hot!

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld
An updated Pride and Prejudice, Eligible tackles all the big themes found in Jane Austen’s 1813 novel — manners, gender, romantic relationships and family dynamics — through a funny, modern lens. Here, “Liz” is as a writer and Jane is a yoga instructor, while “Chip” Bingley is a doctor freshly sprung from an appearance on a reality T.V. show. And so on and so forth. I thought the dialogue was a little forced, but Lexi and Caroline are enthralled. (Have you read it? I’d love to hear your thoughts.)

Eleven Hours by Pamela Erens
It may be hard to envision an entire novel about a woman experiencing labor, but Pamela Erens’s new book makes those eleven hours extremely compelling. The protagonist, Lore, arrives at a hospital in New York to have her baby mysteriously alone. Her Haitian delivery nurse, Franckline, who is newly pregnant herself (although no one else knows), quickly morphs from a stranger to her closest ally, supporting her unflinchingly through her dreamy then harrowing experience. Erens weaves the broader stories of both women in and out of Lore’s suspenseful birth experience, drawing connections between them that are surprising and intimate. Bottom line: Women are heroes.

The next two on my list:

Modern Lovers by Emma Straub
Emma Straub’s book Modern Lovers is the entertaining story of a group of college friends and former bandmates, who are now living in Brooklyn. As they approach fifty, they’re nurturing their careers, examining their marriages and rediscovering themselves while their own kids get ready for college (and starting sleeping together). Straub has such a funny, perceptive writing style, you feel like you’re close friends with them all.

The Year of the Runaways by Sunjeev Sahota
Shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize, The Year of the Runaways captures the difficult plights of four young immigrants (three men and a woman) who arrive in the U.K. from India in 2003 without documentation, seeking better opportunities and income. The book is divided into four novella-length chapters, which depict the daily struggles of each character, and it feels especially timely right now with the refuge crisis in Europe.

Thoughts? What are you reading right now?

*We all know that nothing and nobody is perfect, but it is still worth a shot, right?

The other day I had a conversation with a friend at work whose daughter dates the “perfect man who has everything a perfect man should perfectly have”. She elaborated: “He is always there for the kids, plays with them, cleans, cooks, brings home flowers, takes her out to dinner, opera, theater, movies, he is a gentleman, you name it! There is actually nothing he doesn’t do for her!” So this made me think. Does a human, male being like this exist? Is this even real? Let’s swing the magic wand and create a somewhat Mr. Perfect, shall we?

He listens when you speak, he appears to understand his privilege and complex power dynamics, and he’s never once lectured you about a Star Wars or James Bond movie or worse, forces you to watch all of them. Though not necessarily a common occurrence, coming across a seemingly perfect man, either socially or in the workplace, can be a very overwhelming experience.

Maybe he’s the only man who doesn’t talk about sports at the start of every meeting—completely oblivious to who might be left out of the conversation. Or maybe you met him on a dating app, and he actually asked you a question about yourself. At first, you might have thought, “Wow, he sees me as a fully realized human being and he has a nice haircut. This is too good to be true.” It’s probably not too good to be true. It’s just too good to be entirely his doing.

To keep the scales of universal justice aligned, credit must be given where credit is due. So, before you get caught up in how he appreciates dogs and talks openly about going to therapy, ask yourself, “Is he really an emotionally evolved self-aware incarnation of soft masculinity come to Earth fully formed? Or am I just looking at the end result of years and years of tedious, thankless, burnout-inducing toil performed by the long line of women he’s dated?”

Discerning the truth can be surprisingly tricky. Especially because the part of you that’s dying to meet a man who would eat his shirt before saying, “Bridges of Madison County has some pretty interesting points…” will want to believe that this man walked out of the womb reading actual books and wearing no thin gold chain or gold necklace. In reality, it’s far more likely that a very patient woman (me) carefully worked quotes from Murakami into casual conversation with him for years (and bought him that chain – no gold though)

Keeping these things in mind will help you maintain a level head when getting involved with such a man. Because you can’t just go dissolving into a puddle whenever he validates your feelings or puts on a Fiona Apple album. Remember, if he invites you into his home, it is your duty to keep an eye out for signs left by those who have gone before you. Does he have clean sheets and more than one pillow? It’s plausible he acquired those on his own. Any bedding item made of linen? Now would be an appropriate time to thank those who have paved the way for your comfort. They likely fielded questions like, “What’s wrong with the sheets I’ve had since forever?” or “Why do we need pillowcases anyway?”

Next, take a peek in the bathroom. If there’s evidence that he owns moisturizer, maybe it’s him. If he’s one of the 14 percent of men using a daily sunscreen, maybe it’s Allie, Katie, or Michelle, his three latest exes. Quietly thank them for working to protect his face for you both.

Scan his bookshelf. Cormac McCarthy? Vonnegut? War books? Murakami? Those are probably him. Anything written by a woman? Literally any woman at all—it doesn’t even have to be Virginia Woolf. If you find one, it’s probably a gift from one of the exes, and it’s probably Pride and Prejudice. Give them a round of internal applause for their service, and give him partial credit if the spine is cracked.

Now, this is not to say that you shouldn’t enjoy these men who are doing their best to do and say the right things. After all, someone worked very hard to turn that man who skateboards and plays guitar into a man who skateboards, plays guitar, and respects women’s bodily autonomy. So if you meet a perfect man—a living, breathing embodiment of the female gaze—by all means, appreciate him for it. But before you get too impressed, just take a minute to remember the woman who explained the female gaze to him in the first place.

As Shakespeare once wrote, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” But perhaps we should be grateful for this, because how else would we have such wonderful books about the many paths that love can take? Valentine’s Day is around the corner, people. So, time for some love. Here are some titles worth reading…

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton
This novel was recommended many, many times before I actually sat down and read it. I had been told it was a “super realistic” portrayal of a relationship, and that sounded depressing. Why would I want to read a dose of reality when I can get a dose of reality just by existing? How wrong I was. (In fact, I’ve read it multiple times since.) The story of one couple’s long-term relationship is indeed realistic, but captures the kind of hopes, fears, insecurities and longing that each of us thinks is ours alone. A gorgeous novel. 

What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
Sometimes, you need a hug. Sometimes, you need tough love. Sometimes, it helps to hear that someone else has been through whatever you’re going through. This book has all of that, plus some. A collection of Oprah’s beloved “What I Know For Sure” columns from O Magazine, these short essays on tumultuous relationships, self-esteem, friendship, career, connection, resilience, and finding your way span the full range of human emotions and feel like a deep talk with a good friend. I’ve turned to them over and over again through different stages, and expect I will do so for years to come. 

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
This young adult book about two teens who meet on a bus is the perfect account of young love — that idyllic, all-encompassing feeling unlike any other. For any parents of teens, it’s a great reminder of that time of life. For everyone else, don’t let the YA label deter you. Though it’s about teens, the feelings of love are so universal, this book is really for everyone. 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Hailed as one of the most beloved love stories of all time, Austen’s classic reminds us that romance has been complicated and annoying for centuries. Set in rural England, the book follows the five (very different) Bennet sisters, whom matriarch Mrs. Bennet cannot wait to marry off. Though I am incapable of reading without imaging nearly every character being played by Colin Firth, her novels never cease to amaze me — such sharp wit, brilliant observations, timeless emotions. This one really holds up.

The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh
If communication is the foundation of all human relationships, then this book is perfect for all humans, no matter where you are or what chapter you are currently in. The celebrated monk and author discusses how to listen mindfully and express your most authentic self. I especially loved his concept of conversation as a source of nourishment — with goodness or toxicity you absorb, like food. With specific examples for individuals, couples and families, this book can lead us all to more loving communication. 

How to Be a Person in the World by Heather Havrilesky 
Struggling with a date who won’t commit? Not sure why you keep making the wrong choices? Heather Havrilesky’s got you covered. A collection of advice from the beloved Ask Polly columnist, my friends and I are so acquainted with a handful of these essays that we refer to them in conversation — “He sounds like the guy who wouldn’t move his art off the chair so his date could sit down.” This book is the best kind of advice: wise, honest, told from the perspective of someone who knows it’s all going to be okay.

All About Love by bell hooks
No list about books on love would be complete without this book by scholar, cultural critic and feminist bell hooks. A treatise devoted to answering the question “What is love?”, it includes lines like “the word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet… we would all love better if we used it as a verb,” after which my life was never the same again. While the text skews frustratingly hetero-normative, this provocative and profound book is a must-read. 

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson 
Full disclosure: I haven’t read this book, but three of my friends were “prescribed” it by their various therapists, and all said it greatly helped them. The book’s approach is based on attachment theory, and promises to help couples break free of ‘demon dialogue’ to communicate more effectively. The reviews (and there are a lot of them!) are glowing. Have you read it?

That concludes my list for now, but I’d love to hear: Do you have any titles you’d add? Which books have you read and loved?