.SOMETIMES RAW.

Listen to this and relax:

Thank you for reading my blog. 

“A romantic relationship is fun and can add a lot to your life, but think of it as the whipped cream on top of the sundae and not the whole sundae. And that’s all folks!” 

I listened to Howard Stern on Sirius Radio while driving around in Canada and followed this amazing interview he had with Whoopi Goldberg. I have never read anything by her before and I have to say that this book blew me away. Simply because she is not a psychologist but still has such knowledge about what she is writing about simply because she has been there and done that! Reading relationship/marriage self-help books is usually not very helpful to me. I didn’t need to read any of these books for the last four years  because everything has been smooth sailing. However; before that, I did try to figure our why my relationships did not work and why everything always has to be complicated and one could find me very often in the self-help aisles at Barnes & Noble.  In any case: Did I find answers reading all these books? Nope, not really. Until it all made sense to me when I met my husband.

I told him the other day that if Whoopi would have written this book many years ago and I would have read it, many painful situations could have been avoided. But he said, “nope, you wouldn’t have been ready and most likely would have done the same things”! He is right. Do we listen to advice our friends and family give us? Sometimes maybe – but usually not. Especially when it comes to relationships. “What do they know? I can change him! I can make it all work! I love him no matter what – even though he is married with kids! He will leave his wife at some point! Or yes, he will change his mind for sure and move in with me, and then he will want to have kids as well!” Isn’t this what we usually say and then for whatever reason the relationship goes down the drain. And then you hear, “we told you so”.

Whoopi’s book on relationships addresses exactly those type of questions and problems. This book is a very honest approach on relationships and marriages and about the mistakes she made and wants you to avoid. I even started to watch “The View” – Whoopi’s show on ABC. She is amazing! She mentioned how all the gay couples were so happy when they were finally able to get married in New Jersey, New York and many other states.

“You can get married now. When are you going to get married?” But the questions is: Why do you want to do that? Yes, you get some security from your other half, you share the finances, if something happens to you and you get sick or can’t work, you can fall back on what your spouse has, and blah blah blah.” 

You learn, that it is not important what everybody else tells you regarding marriage and relationships. You have to listen to YOURSELF, what makes YOU happy. And if you are happy with a man/woman who cheats on you constantly, great. Good for you. If you are happy to be the lover of a married husband with kids, also good for you. Whatever you are comfortable with. I always had this thought that I need to be with someone. Not necessarily to get married but to have a man on my side. Now I know that I am fine being just by myself. Nobody can complete me – I complete myself. “Who are you? What makes you happy?” These are the questions you should ask yourself, according to Whoopi.

If you are looking for a self-help book that is very personal and not the typical type of shrink advice, read this book. I knew that Whoopi Goldberg is an actress but not that she has written a couple of books. This one I just ordered and I cannot wait to start it. This title speaks straight from my heart. Her tone is sometimes hilariously funny but also very frank at point. I think she is an amazing narrator and honesty is key! She openly writes about her farting habits – and why you should not stop farting once you are in a relationship or marriage. Just be yourself. This does not mean that I have to sit farting and burping in front of my husband. Of course not, c’mon.

Many years I thought it is the goal in every woman’s life to get married eventually. Not necessarily have kids, a house, a garden, a dog and a cat. The typical cliché. But you know, be with someone you really love and not be alone. Honestly, I was never really alone between relationships. I never had time to think and just be by myself.  No clue why! Now, with my husband it is different. I have alone-time and I love it. Maybe not as much as we do indeed have with him being on mission, but I think it is important and healthy to have quality time with yourself. Alone! So far, my marriage is perfect for me – perfect for us. I miss him when he is not around; and not seeing each other sometimes for weeks makes us love and miss each other more. I cannot explain this feeling but I look forward to seeing him again. Almost like going out on a date for the first time. You make sure you look good, put on a little perfume, a bit of  make-up, cook something special or go out for dinner. I am not saying to send your husband or wife on a mission to love and miss them. But this works well for us – for now!

Whoopi wrote about how movies and music make you dream and believe in some type of fairytale – but no relationship is like this. Maybe in the beginning. You remember the first couple of weeks you were in love? Constantly thinking about the other person? Love letters, flowers, hidden love notes? And then this becomes less and less? Same with the sex you might think. Well, things change. There is no routine or consistency in a relationship. Things happen! Schedules change. Stop searching for a prince/or princess out there. They don’t exist! They just don’t! As I said, it is important that you know yourself first and know what you want. Or at least know, what you don’t want. This is all a learning experience and I am by no means an expert. Far from it. But with my previous experience, I know now what I don’t want anymore and that I love what I have and live life to the fullest with my husband by my side. (+my son!) 😀

Thank you for reading my blog.

Hello and Happy Monday!

Today my son and I explored all day long again! We dropped my husband off and drove to Byward Market in Ottawa. I read a lot about the history of this great market which was established in 1826 and is one of Canada’s largest and oldest markets. These days it is a great tourist attraction – my son was pushing his stroller around walking a lot and it was difficult sometimes not to hit other people. With all its art and entertainment, this area reminded me a lot of The Village in New York.

Byward Market has a lot of restaurants of diverse cuisine. For authentic Mexican food I would recommend Burrito Borracho. Yum, and the portions are quite big. If you are more in the mood for a burgers, fries and such, I suggest Zak’s Diner. My son and I loved it! Have you ever tried Poutine? Your heart might skip a beat or two but it is worth to eat at least once. 😉

Of course I needed to find a bookstore, right? Chapters is the Barnes and Noble of Canada I would say and there is so much to see. Books upon books on two rather large floors, a café and a huge gifts, magazines, entertainment and home style section make this place complete. Chapters is owned by Indigo Books and Music and founded in 1994. If you love books, this place should be on your list of to-do things at Byward Market. Chapters does have a section with French literature as well.  If you are interested in a French literature only bookstore, visit Librairie Du Soleil. Unfortunately, I am not able to read books in French yet but this independent bookstore is very charming and oh so French. <3

After a cup of coffee, reading and playing, we walked to the breathtaking Parliament of Canada. On our way back to the car we strolled through Major’s Hill Park and chased some squirrels. My son was such a trooper, walking all day long. Tired but happy, he fell in his car seat and slept for a bit. He usually does not nap anymore during the day but I guess all these impressions were a bit much for him. If you plan on traveling to Ottawa, let me know. I can give you some great tips. Have a great start of the week.

Thank you for reading my blog.