First, let me start by saying that I’m perfectly aware that you can make the impossible possible by taking away the “im.” I’m way ahead of you on that one. So let’s all just know that we both thought of that joke but I made it first and that’s OK. Don’t be discouraged, this little failure shouldn’t preclude you from making the impossible possible.
The first step in making the impossible possible is to design a motivational poster for your room with the words Mission: Possible printed on it. It should be in the style of a movie poster. Underneath the words, you should paste in Tom Cruise’s likeness from Mission: Impossible, maybe a photo of him hanging suspended in air, horizontal to the ground in an all black suit. Remember that scene? You could even take a photo of the screen and then print it out. You’d have to rent the film first, if you don’t already own it.
I’m not saying that you have to pick that scene. You can really choose any image of Tom Cruise that you wish, though Mission: Impossible makes the most sense in this case. However, it might be funny to have a picture of him as a vampire from Interview with a Vampire where he’s all pale and old-timey New Orleans-y. You probably are really secretly into vampires too. I mean, everyone is.
Next, decide what you deem to be impossible.
Let’s say the impossible is getting that big presentation in to the boss on time. This seems impossible because you totally forgot about it this morning, as you were Facebook-ing and Twittering and what have you. Why were you doing this so early in the morning when you should have been preparing for the big presentation? Because you were slaphappy and hung over after being out late last night drinking martinis and Jager with friends after that big steak dinner where you played credit-card roulette. You won credit-card roulette, but you’re about to lose big time with the boss.
You can’t believe you did this to yourself because the presentation in front of your boss and all the foreign investors is in five minutes time! The investors are from Germany and Denmark (so very serious, strict, and no joke!) and they’ll only be here for two hours before they fly back home!! But you, like an idiot, decided to celebrate landing the deal before you even made the stupid presentation!
Don’t even wish that you had a time machine so you could pull off a Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure scenario (yeah, I am from the 80s and this was so cool!) where you talk about stealing your dad’s keys and by doing so actually steal your dad’s keys, but in this case it would apply to you actually preparing the presentation. You know what I’m saying. Or not, then google it.
You only have five minutes so I’ll break it down, minute by minute.
Minute One:
Look at your Mission: Possible poster for a full minute to gather inspiration.
Minute Two:
Look at your Mission: Possible poster for another minute just make sure that you’re properly inspired
Minute Three:
Say “Ah ha!” and put one finger up in the air. Maybe that’ll jolt some ideas into you.
Minute Four:
Wait for that feeling of blind panic to set in. This usually works when mothers see their children trapped under cars or something and summon the strength to lift the car and save them. A similar form of strength should come to you at this moment.
Minute Five:
With your newfound super strength, trash your office. Sweep everything off of your desk. Then upend it. Smash the light bulbs, take the files out of the file cabinets, and throw them in the air. Throw your briefcase out the window. Then run into the meeting where the bosses are breakfasting and shout, “I’ve been robbed! The thieves stole my report!” Make sure you look on the Internet and see how to translate this into German and Danish first.
Fine, I’ll do it for you.
German: “Ich wurde beraubt! Die Diebe haben meine Präsentation gestohlen!”
Danish: “Jeg har været berøvet! De tyve stjal min betækning!” (Memorize both, they might come in handy one day!)
The big time bosses will drop their coffee and croissants and yell their surprise in German and Danish and run as a group into your office. When they pile in they’ll see that it’s been trashed and immediately call the police. Then they’ll applaud your bravery. They’ll be so relieved that you weren’t hurt that they’ll take you out for a steak lunch and tell you to forget about the presentation because your calm under duress clearly demonstrates your force of character, and they can only assume that the presentation would have been topnotch.
Hey, guess what? You just made the impossible possible. Also, go watch Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. It’s awesome and you might learn something new.
