How to: Parenting in Germany.

Hello and Happy Wednesday! 

Friends of mine and readers ask me a lot how parenting in Germany is different from let’s say parenting in Denmark, Congo or in the US and so many other locations. I will share with you whatever comes to my mind about parenting in Germany and how things work here. Then you can see how different it is to your country and eventually all move here because Germany is awesome for and with kids. My son was born in Canada and shortly after, my husband needed to deploy to Mali with the United Nations. So my parents told me to come home with petit Joel which was so sweet and awesome from them. I love my parents, they are the best! I was born in Germany and know how things work here, but petit Joel is my first child and this is therefore my first experience parenting here. Le husband is currently in transition of changing missions and I am still in Germany, days spent with discoveries and laughter. I cannot complain about my life – besides not being with le husband more often. Sacrifices!  

Let’s start. Germany and it’s winters. Petit Joel, my mom and I arrived in Germany in winter and the first couple of months we almost literally spent inside. There was snow everywhere and it felt cold and icy all the time. New York City winters are different. Okay, we had the occasional snow storm and whatnot, but here in Germany this is just a weekly thing and everything runs smoothly nevertheless. There is hardly a day off of work due to snow. Being stuck inside with a newborn watching the snow was fun in the beginning but then I started missing New York City a bit and some of my friends. I have a lot of friends from childhood who stayed here and have families. But connecting with them again took some time and it wasn’t easy. I left Germany twelve years ago after all. I was very peaceful about the whole thing though. I had my parents help, Skype, Facebook and of course my son’s little smile every day. The area where my parents live is very residential and quiet which is amazing coming from Manhattan. My brother once said, “Can you close the window tomorrow night because tonight it was just so damn loud”. “It was closed all the time, ” I replied. Here it is so quiet that you can literally hear the blood rushing in your ears. Coburg is a peaceful little town with tons of tiny stores and yes, we arrived when the Christmas Market was right around the corner. Even though the weather is not great, the winters are just long, cold and dark (no more daylight after 4pm usually in the winter!) and summers are well – disappointing in some way. Either it is very humid and hot, or it constantly rains with cold evenings. Some nights now I sit outside with a light jacket on. Some summers are awesome and then Germany is the place to be. It is light outside until 10 pm and the air smells nice. No smog. It is great for children. Fun in the snow and outdoor public pools (accessible for everyone!) in summer. 

Healthcare is pretty awesome in Germany. Whenever I needed to see a doctor with Petit Joel we got an appointment pretty quickly. We are covered through le husband’s insurance and it is considered “private” in Germany so we get it all, fast and the best. I remember when my son was 6 weeks old he had a terrible colic. One afternoon I was alone with him and he cried and cried and did not stop. The midwife I had drove us to the hospital because the doctors office was closed already, stayed with me the entire time and drove me back home. In Germany, everyone is entitled to a midwife who makes house visits to check on you and your child for six weeks after birth. Insurance covers this! After six weeks and if you are still not comfortable with your newborn, they come back to help you. It was very helpful with all these crazy mom-hormones I had. 

In Germany women go on maternity leave six weeks before the due date and eight weeks after the delivery at full pay. Then you can take up to 12 months off at 65% pay (sometimes it changes slightly due to your income level). It feels special to be a mother here. You are valued and don’t have to go back to work when your child is five weeks old and drop them off at daycare all day long. Women usually stay home for two years and many up to three years. At this point a day care spot is guaranteed and almost free. There are special kindergartens like Montessori or Outdoor Kindergartens that cost a bit. Not much though! You also have the option of KITA (daycare, if you want to go back to work earlier or a Tagesmusster (Day Mother who takes care of your child at her home They usually take care of  four or five kids on a daily basis). Dad’s get up to five weeks paternity leave. Yes! 

In Germany you get money from the government each months when you have a child. It is called Kindergeld. You get approximately 200 euros/months per child – but it depend on how many children you have. The government wants to help families with this money to buy diapers, toys, food and whatnot. It is not that much but hey, it helps. The government pays this about until your child is 18 years old! 

When it comes to making friends with other mothers in Germany I would say it is not as easy as when I was in the US for example. American mothers are a lot more open, talk more and “mother/child-friendships” develop easier. Here in Germany I realized it is more stiff. Germans are very allergic to insincerity. Many German mothers think they have it all figured out and what they do is key and everyone has to do it their way. At the same time they try not to be too judgmental and are nice. Here it is also key to do what you need to do and if you don’t know it you will figure it out on your own eventually. I have been criticized many times when my son ate daisies because dogs pee on it. 

The playgrounds in Germany are awesome. I have not been to one so far that my son didn’t have a blast. The government really invests in good, safe and secure playgrounds. Most of them are built on sand which is so nice. My son runs around barefoot – the way he is most comfortable. No rubber mats or wood chips like in the US. Close your eyes, take you shoes off as well and it feels a bit like vacation, no? Most of the mothers have shovels and buckets in their strollers when they come to the playgrounds. Even if you don’t bring anything, there are always some toys in the sand. When it comes to toys, Germany has some awesome brands. HABA, HESS, SCHLEICH are the ones that pop in my mind. Today, we actually have been to the HABA store to buy some toys for my sister’s daughter for her upcoming birthday this weekend. Yay! Wooden toys! When it comes to bicycle, everybody tells me that I need one of those push bikes without pedals. Almost every kid has those here. Everybody believes that when you master the balance on one of those things you will be able to ride a bike. Well, my son has the old fashioned one and I am fine with it – and so is he. He has the most amazing fine motor skills ever! I am not listening to all that jazz that is out there. Many are into baby yoga, baby piano lessons, baby guitar lessons and so much more. 

When it comes to food, Germans usually have a hot meal for lunch and a very light, cold meal for dinner. Just some bread, cheese, cucumber and tomatoes and sausages, ham, liverwurst or salami. [With beer!] My son eats a sandwich, with cheese and butter for dinner these days. Dinnertime is called Abendbrot. 

Here in Germany, normally nobody hires a babysitter. Grandparents usually live close by and help out. I recently heard about an agency where you can hire grandma’s for a couple of hours at any time to take care of your kids. It works really well and people do take advantage of it a lot. Usually, “your” grandmother stays with you and your children whenever you need her for years. You need to go to a restaurant or anywhere else and don’t have a babysitter or Oma? People are not offended – even at restaurants. The other day, when I was at The British Corner with my friend they were so nice about my son running around and being with us in the café. People just expect kids to be there. 

Work and life balances out pretty well in Germany. Almost all German employees get about six weeks vacation a year and they mostly work 25-40 hours a week. Usually not more than that and being a workaholic is not something most people strive for. Rather spending time in nature and relaxing with family or friends. Germans value their time at home and many women just work part-time to spend the afternoons with their children. Here it seems people live well, manage to have a lot more time – even though work plays an important role, but not THE most important. 

Do you have more questions about parenting in Germany? Let me know. I would love to hear from you.