“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever” – Winnie the Pooh
I was wondering the other day how to navigate friendships as people grow and move forward and lives change while we are getting older and grow mentally and spiritually. I have been thinking about friendships a lot recently. Especially because I am figuring out myself more these days and this is fascinating.
I was always surrounded by a lot of people when I grew up. I had a lot of “friends” (let’s put this in quotes just because). My friends were the ones I gossiped with, vented to, hung out with and cried with. This was one part. However, what I also did was please everybody. Make everybody happy – listen to everybody’s problems and try to find solutions. As I have gotten older I have distinguished between certain kinds of friends and friendships I have formed. I learned that I have to be careful who I talk to and about what; and who my real friends are.
I also figured out over the years that no relationship will ever fit into a box. Sometimes I had these ideas on how something should be or on how someone should think – it does not mean that it will be this way or it should be that way. My friendships changed since I moved to the U.S. and even more since I had my son. Some friends left me, some stayed, and new ones joined me on my journey.
Friendships change and this is normal, however, this was hard for me to understand at first. Sometimes I felt sad when I disconnected from certain people and sometimes I even felt guilty to not be their friend and not be in their lives anymore . Interests change, people change and sometimes it is just important for my own sanity to move on. It is important to understand and accept that things are not always the same – most importantly when I change. What I observed is the more I change and the more I learn about myself the more my environment changes. The more friends I thought I had turn away from me which is okay too. I love to see this change within me. This is just a beautiful playground we have been given I think.
I just looked at my calendar and realized that I will turn 34 soon. Wow. And at almost 34 I must say I have a very small handful of people who I consider close friends. But this is totally fine. Quality over quantity! 😀 With these close friends there is never weirdness, everything is clear, we are there for each other no matter what. I realize and accept that we are all busy at points so there is no resentment or guilt and I am happy to spend time together whenever we can and there is always love when we connect. I believe that this is the secret to friendships for me. Another perfect example is my friendship with my husband. We do not see each other daily (for now) BUT when we do get to spend time together then this time is wonderful and precious and very full of US. Less time but the best time ever. Because of this I think I can deal okay with being apart from him for so long.
I make sure that whenever I am with my friends I am 100% there (not on the phone) and making sure that time is of best quality whenever we do connect.
So many questions. Can’t wait to read about your experience.