On Family and Departure.

Hello! 

I love traveling. I do want to go but I don’t want to leave. Does this make sense? To me it does and I want to write about it because it has been on my mind for days now. Today my brother and his girlfriend left and I felt really sad. I love him and I hate seeing him leaving. I wish we could all live together close by and see each other more often. Well, it’s life but it is tough. 

I have spent most of my life in Germany with family around but I made the decision to leave all this behind and move to Munich first. Then to New York and let’s see where to next. But let me tell you, I will never get used to the pain of leaving. This feeling that makes my heart ache! It was me who wanted to try something new. It was also me who wanted to live somewhere else, somewhere bigger and larger. I wanted to get to know myself by living away from my usual surroundings. I always had the urge to go, see and discover. Now that I have my son, things changed a bit. We still travel so so much but I love to see him with Oma and Opa. To have everybody around is just amazing and I am so fortunate to still have everybody healthy and in my life, I know that.

My husband, our son and I have the chance to experience so much and travel the world, try new food, meet new people, experience new climates and swim in different oceans and lakes all the time. I love how  we as a family grow – it is all fine. Looking forward to new things and continents is exciting! 

I do enjoy and appreciate all these things. But, it is saying good-bye and leaving that gets me every single time and never gets better. I will never ever get used to this. My husband said once that he said goodbye to his brother so many times that it is not difficult for him anymore. I said goodbye a million times too, but for me….. damn! To think about not quickly walking over to my parent’s house to have coffee with my mom and talk for hours makes me sad. Not to be at their house and cook, read, talk and just be with them hurts me. When I was in the States for several months last year we used to talk on the phone or Skype a lot which is okay but of course is never the same than sitting with my mom in the kitchen. Just the smell of the kitchen – this oh so familiar smell that I remember from my childhood is always there. Face-to-Face conversations are always better obviously. 

When it is time to say goodbye I try to be strong and not have a complete “sad-flash-meltdown”. I also let my son know that it is okay to leave and always feels good to come back – simply because we can, they are all alive, they are healthy and everything is okay. So I let my tears silently flow – I cannot help it.  I tell my son that I am sad when he hugs me and asks what is wrong. I tell him that I love my parents so much and that this is my home-base I am leaving behind. This is a place for me to feel secure, protected and loved no matter what. 

How I deal with this pain? Not very well usually but I do keep in mind that my family is just a plane- ride away.  I know that they are there for me no matter what and I can rely on them for anything. At the same time I  know that this is vacation here and that life could not continue forever like this. My husband, son and I have our own life, work and responsibilities and we are up to new exciting adventures. I want to give my son the exact comfortable feeling that my parents give me. Unconditional love. To be fortunate to have a family this loving is amazing by itself. Emotions are just temporary and I have to look for the positives, right? It is a choice to be happy. “It will be alright in the end. And if it isn’t okay it is not the end.” 

How do you deal with saying goodbye to your family? Is it tough for you as well? Do you have any suggestions on how to make it less painful? I would love to hear from you. 

Thank you for reading my blog.