.SOMETIMES RAW.

I have spent ample times on airplanes. By myself, with friends, husband and on several occasions with my son (five week old newborn to present). It is not always fun (layovers, waiting, stress, cancellations etc.) but especially annoying when there are certain passengers on the plane. 

As soon as I board a plane I check out who travels with me and quietly pray that it is not the crying baby, the Huge muscle guy, the Snorer or the Chatty woman. Usually, every time upon landing I complain about my seat mate in one way or another. For some reason, it is usually the same people on every flight I have taken so far. Like they are fundamentally the same in a way or follow me by booking the same flights.

I always attract the frequent pee-er but silently wish he does not sit next to me when I have the aisle seat. Doesn’t it sometimes seem people drink like an entire ocean on purpose before boarding? The most annoying frequent pee-er I ever sat next to was a guy in his thirties who had to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes (on an eight hour overnight flight to Germany!). We ended up switching seats, it was just insane so hear, “excuse me, I am sorry” throughout Ernest Hemingway and several tearing up paramount moments. 

I am a mom so I know what I am talking about here. Babies and kids on the plane: eff this! It is stressful for myself to sit in one seat for 8+ hours, so I understand putting a child through this is torture for everyone involved. Before I had a child, I felt so sorry for the parents I observed who separately struggled to keep their kids from losing it, screaming and throwing crayons all over the plane. I sometimes flew with Petit Joel and he was the cutest baby ever. From lactose coma sleeping when he was a baby to silently painting and watching things on his iPad for hours. But there have been other flights as well, too. I always love these parents who are swaddling a screaming ear-infection baby on the plane, dirty diapers all over the place and then yell at me when I unintentionally cough twice, “Shut up. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? You were a baby too at some point and screamed, right. RIGHT?” No! I wasn’t. I was the cutest little angel baby. Then again, I flew for the first time when I was 14 years-old so what do I know. Sometimes annoying on the plane: Petit Joel. I am also still not quite sure if baby or child on a plane is worse. Children can be creepy, too. When my son kept staring through the partition of the two seats facing the people in the back. Initially, it might be funny, the people smile, maybe play with him a bit but it gets annoying after some time, especially when they then have this urge to make smalltalk. Also, when he does that to the people in the front while constantly kicking into the seat, not so cool. But 95% he is the best travel companion ever. 

Moving on to The Healthy passenger who brings tons of snacks. Hundreds of ziploc bags and plastic containers full of hummus, fruit, pretzels, grains, sliced paprika, carrots and celery. Eating constantly, crumbs all over and yes, she eats all this during the flight from Montréal to Ottawa. Constantly mentions that the airplane food is disgusting and unhealthy and that they should offer green juices and raw food options. Annoying! 

Or I sat next to The Coma Sleeper. A person who gets on the plane, puts on a sleep mask and passes out the entire flight without moving, eating, talking, peeing or drinking (8 hours+).  German Angst tell me to at least check on this person once like if he/she is still breathing. Is the chest rising? Checking the vital functions quickly? I decided once to put my ear close to the person’s face which just made the rest of the plane ride feel kinda creepy and strange. Since then, I opt for accidental poking instead. 

I also sat next to the The Rock. The person who is like 2m 20cm tall, 200 kg of pure muscles, suntanned and talks about his workout nonstop while occupying both elbow rests and is all over in my personal German space. He brings his own power muscle shakes powder and needs milk (liters of milk) to mix them all up in his shaker. Just imagine sitting in between two Rocks. For eight hours. 

The paranoid passenger vs. Mrs. Nevershutstheeffup vs. I-cannot-sit-still. Sitting next to either of them can be very annoying especially when the paranoid passenger tells you constantly that they forgot their medication at home while they slightly curl up in a bend forward fetal position rocking back and forth. They occasionally add that this plane will go down for sure while checking every five minutes where the life vests are and where the planes current coordinates are on flight tracker. Mr./Mrs. Nervershutstheeffup is self-explanatory, eh. She/he is also interested in everything you do, read, work, watch or listen to and skim the pages you read right along with you. The I-cannot-sit-still-passenger is pretty much all the way up there on my annoying-scale. She (usually a ‘She’) constantly looks for something to do, starts reading, puts the book down, takes her phone, listens to music, turns on the TV, puts on lipstick, wipes it off, puts on lotions and smelly glitter body stuff, takes back the book, takes out the Vogue magazine, writes things in her notebook, highlights things, rearranges everything in her purse to just put everything back and and back out. Eight hours+! 

I-am-so-busy-with-work-and-never-ever-rest-passenger. This person has about a million chargers and gadgets, his iPhone, iPad, moleskin journal, several pens, his Kindle and books. He desperately tries to log on the air-wifi and buzzes for the flight attendant a million times. This passenger has of course all his gadgets constantly on, even when electric items need to be switched to Airplane Mode. If this plane goes down, it is about a 58% chance that the crash happened because of this passenger. When I fly alone, I just give him the occasional “look”. He does not get much work done when I fly with Petit Joel, however. 

It is finally spring in Canada; well, in Ottawa where we live. Needless to say, everything starts to blossom and bloom and it is warm enough to comfortably wear a t-shirt, short pants or a dress and finally give my Canada Goose jacket a break for a bit. Warmer weather also means spending a lot of time outside, enjoying the sun, playgrounds, picnics and endless chats with other mom’s in the neighborhood who mostly with tired eyes and annoying look stand somewhere, stare at their phones and wait for supper-time. I am sure I am a crap friend to most of them since I usually say how things really are. How I really feel about things. Usually, I don’t do this out of malice but looking back, I was always like this. 

I have spoken to a mom the other day and she told me that all her extracurricular activities are over since she had her first child. She is currently pregnant with the second (sigh!) and mostly miserable and sad. “My life has been flushed down the toilet,” she said, while looking for a paper towel in her pocket. “My friend called me the other day to hang and go to the movies and I was so tired that I almost feel asleep on the phone, ” she sobbed. She doesn’t know how to make time for others; especially her childless, “normal” friends (as she called it) anymore. Also, her husband is never home and works late most of the nights. “Is he trying to escape? You think he still loves me? Do you think he thinks I am fat, now that I am pregnant? Well, he does spend a lot of time in the office,” she said and wiped away some more tears. 

Honestly, things changed drastically when my son was born. Baby blues? Yep, quite a bit! Gladly, I had my parents to help me a lot but I also called spontaneous weeknight drinks, readings, reading, movies, theater and museum-visits and get-together(s) goodbye for a long time. Now slowly, I am able to go out again but I don’t have “normal” childless friends anymore, hah! Go figure and there is this desperate yawning sad chasm between them and I! Anybody who did not congratulate me or brought me a gift to the birth of my son within the first year is dead to me! Just kidding, there are some true friends left but it took a toll on some relationships for sure. The ones I truly treasure remained however for many years which is the most important thing! This being said, I think it is very important to have childless friends! Friends who inspire me, who still read, watch good movies and have interesting stories to tell; well, anything that does not involve kids. Spending time with childless friends makes me think that nothing has changed. I absorb their relaxed attitude for a while and I am good again. Free(er) and ready for new challenges. 

Whenever we are outside, Petit Joel loves to play with the bigger kids. Those kids who are already five or six years old and up. They play rough and usually he gets thrown into the mud; occasionally water, or beaten up with wooden sticks. He does not care and goes back to play with them the next day. For me as a mom, I would think that it is kind of logical to look and connect with mom’s who have children in Petit Joel’s age and are in the same boat as I am and so these little guys get along a big better. This is when I met my new mom friend, Meghan. *

Her son is not even three years- old and we can talk for hours. We hit it off from the start. We started talking about how we sometimes still find ourselves struggling with the realities of our mom-situation. We spoke about this little feeling that only mom’s can relate to when approaching the daycare and spying this sign that says: Daycare will be closed next Monday for X, Y and Z. Which means, long weekend, which means three days nonstop entertainment and so on. “I hope the weather will be okay. Like rain would toooootally suck, eh,” she tells me while I still stare at the sign with my eyes and mouth wide open. With a bit of a weird feeling and a slight frustration I pick up my son. Don’t get me wrong here. I love him so much and spending time with him is the best. However, I don’t want to lose myself or forget about myself in the picture. He is here, I gave birth to him but this does not mean that my life is on hold until he moves out at some point. 

So I have some mom-friends but sometimes I even feel anger, helplessness, more frustration and whatnot toward all my childless friends since I want to be in their shoes again, just for one day. This usually happens when shit hits the fan and we had a very hard day. You know, this feeling of just caring for yourself and nobody and nothing else really seems then so tempting. Once I made this decision to have a child and everything changed and I have to keep that in mind. I know now that there is a huge lack of freedom and spontaneity that was all so natural before. Every weekend party, activity or hangout needs to be planned in advance and be child proof to some extend and many won’t even happen. I do take my son to festivals, some concerts or the occasional Senators hockey game.  And he is okay with it for some time but it is however not the same as when I go there without him; it seems I can never really fully enjoy it or relax. “Hire a babysitter,“ my childless friends suggest. Yep, great idea, but then I think about money, time, is he okay with the sitter, did he eat, did she remember to put a diaper on for the night, will she call and I constantly check my phone. And whenever you bring your child along to any childless friends party (because your childless friends say it is OKAY; honestly, how many of your friends really want to hang out too long with your kid and how quickly are you leaving after you arrived when you do not see another child running around? One hour max; if even…

I just have to face it. I decided to have a child with everything it entails. All the pros and cons and even though I did have some parenting examples that could have warned me not to take this step, (I never wanted to have children) I decided to have this child anyway. You know why? I told myself that I will do it all differently than all the other moms. My child will be different. Easier. And this is why human beings exist. Why we have a society and why women still give birth to these little people. It can be so exhausting but yet I love my son to death and I am glad he is here on this planet.

*Name has been changed. 

This morning I received an email from my mom wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. Honestly, I am not very fond of days like this one. Valentine’s Day? Hells to the no! I want to be loved, respected and treasured by my family every day and do not need anything special just because a day in the calendar tells me so. 

I had a nice chat with my sister last night about how we, as mothers, deserve props for having all these superpowers we seem to have. As a mother, I notice things differently than before. I notice when we run low on diapers for example among other things that seem to magically appear and reappear in the household. I notice that we run low on my son’s favorite apple juice, muffins, Nutella and whatnot. I am the one who notices that certain veggies are rotting in the drawers in the fridge and that bananas are getting dark spots in the fruit basket. (Damn you, fruit flies!) I get input from le husband; however, I am the person who usually stays on top of these things and this post isn’t about him. It is about me, since it is Mother’s Day, eh! I definitely have superpowers and I am seeing things. Well, not dead people but basic stuff that makes life easier. I kinda rock! 

I rock in this mother-business because I notice that we are running low on coffee, on new clothes for Petit Joel, toothpaste/dental floss, lice hair shampoo (germ infested Daycare!). I am the person who notices we are running low on jam, pasta, bananas and other food basics and life/nerve-saving snacks to survive long car rides. I am the one who has all the ingredients at all times to make waffles which is essential. I am the one who notices that we run low on toilet paper and Tylenol (the party on Friday evening lasted longer than expected). I am also the one who notices that we run low on Children’s Tylenol and Paw patrol band-aids just because. I am the one who notices we are running low on crayons, glue sticks, sparkling water colors, paint brushes and colored pencils. 

I am also the one who notices that we need paper towels, laundry detergents, sponges, cleaning supplies and dish soap. I am the one who notices that Petit Joel needs new shoes and clothes that actually fit him. And hats, mittens, and appropriate outdoor clothing for Kindergarten since it is still sort of winter here. I know when sick notes, vaccinations and annual doctor visits are due. Also when Kindergarten forms need to be filled out and payments need to be made. Even when library books are due!  

I am not the one who notices that we are running low on oil for the car. That the battery needs to be charged and the charger needs to be charged so it can charge the battery. That Netflix account and iCloud storage need to be updated and that phone chargers, flashlights, fire distinguishers and lightbulbs are handy but who cares about and needs all this, right? Back to me.  

I am the one who hears: “Mommy, Mama, Mooooooooom, Mamiiiiiiii, I can’t find/do/see [insert anything here]” all day long without losing it. I am also the one who snuggles and is always there when Petit Joel has a fever. I am the one who sees dustballs under the table and crumbs on the couch. I am the one who finds the crayons in the car under the passenger seat. Petit Joel’s wrist watch is there as well. I am the person who knows when birthday parties (actually any party) and anniversaries are due and what kind of gifts to get in advance. I am also the one who notices a rotting goji berry under the kitchen counters. These are all real observation talents that mothers usually do not get credit for. You just do it, every day, without complaining. Okay, most of the time I do not complain. Okay, I complain but did we ever run out of diapers or apple juice? Never. 

Happy Mother’s Day to me and to my Mother who did the best job ever! I love you Maaaaaamiiiiiiiiiii <3