.SOMETIMES RAW.

Christmas is over and was super quiet and low key this year. The only thing that bothered us was to fight this crazy cold we caught since our arrival in Germany. Petit Joel started coughing, sneezing and had some sinus issues but was okay otherwise. He is a trooper whenever he gets sick. He plays, eats and sleeps even longer than usual because he knows that sleep is the best medicine after all. And broccoli. And banana. And chocolate. 

The problem is, that he drags this cold around for almost two weeks now and it is not getting better but rather worse. I decided to take him to a doctor this afternoon. My brother is here and has gotten this cold now too so he came along. We walked through the deserted streets of my hometown while he tells me about his visit to Chernobyl and all the impressions he collected. Well, needless to say, I had similar feelings of deserted places walking to the doctor’s office. We met maybe two or three people (The Walking Dead?) on this gloomy Tuesday afternoon but thankfully the rain stopped just long enough so it was only 99% depressing. This weather here really gets on my nerves. I am in desperate need of sun and warmth. Also, my immune system is lower than normal and I don’t like that. I am hardly ever sick but whenever I am, I get pretty miserable and annoyed(ing). 

I have to add one important thing here. Is it especially deserted in this town because one holiday follows another and everything is closed. (Germany 101: In Germany “closed” means nothing is open after 6 pm usually. Some stores are open until 8 pm but this is already crazy. Saturday after 4 pm stores close until Monday 8 am!)

Throughout the holidays, getting in touch with a pediatrician on duty is more challenging than I thought. Petit Joel’s regular doctor’s office is closed until next year and the voicemail referred me to a “call center” to find an available pediatrist on duty. Doesn’t sound too difficult, eh? I spoke to a very friendly woman who refereed me to an orthopedic specialist who is “on duty” and will take a look at my three year-old son. Say whaaaaat? Exactly, this was my reaction. So my brother, Petit Joel and I however shortly after sat in the waiting room of Dr. W.’s office and played with toy cars. 

Long story short, he was not amused to see us. Especially not Petit Joel. “I cannot treat him because he is a child and if something happens, I am f*****, ” he said to his secretaries at the reception desk. Why we were there in the first place is still unclear to me, also while it seemed like he blamed us the entire time. Apparently, in Germany, when you need to see a gynecologist for example and all offices are closed you can safely contact the “call center” who then refers you to an optometrist of their choice. Or you need a root canal done and you can then consult your local Cardiologist at the hospital. I tried to brighten up Dr. W.’s mood a bit, who was obviously very mad at us, the situation or at life itself and said that whenever I have a gallbladder issue in the future again, I will see him, too. He did not think this was funny either. Should be fine, eh?  All doctors study the same things at the beginning I thought; like a “Become a doctor 101 – the basics”, no?

His phone rang about five times before he picked up and screamed, “Whaaaaaaat?” in the receiver so loud that we shrugged for a second. Appointment over, I reckoned. 

We walked out with a prescription for antibiotics and a nose spray, still wondering the entire time why we were at this doctor’s office but laughed it all off when the pharmacist did not have the exact antibiotic and had to call Dr. W. for consultation. Needless to say, Dr. W. was not happy about that phone call, neither was the pharmacist. 

Currently, I am nursing a hot cup of tea, gave Petit Joel the antibiotic and he is fast asleep by now. I somehow made it through two weeks being surrounded by sick people – especially Petit Joel’s snot everywhere and I did not get really sick until two days ago. I felt off one day, but better the next. My body was definitely fighting this germ-battle pretty hard. Then again, we are in the middle of this never-ending cold season which just somehow accompanies this weather here in Germany. One has either a cold or the Norovirus but we have been gladly spared off the latter (so far).

You know what is the worst though? Not that I am feeling miserable these days. It is to see my little one struggling through this cold and being a fighter and that I cannot really provide help for him. Of course there is medication, balm to put on his little chest to make him breathe easier. We made chicken soup and I put up a wet cloth near his bed with essential oils at night so the sniffles would stop. Then again,  he is also never constantly all over me trying to seek relief or asks for anything but he wants the momentary comfort of my arms and warmth whenever he is feeling sick by curling up closely with his blanket. I love him so much. This made me think of the author Jodi Picoult and these sentences she wrote:

“Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood – finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”

He will be fine. We will be fine. It is just a little cold. 

I have a lot of downtime these days which is great. I was looking forward to it; especially to hours and hours of reading. Downtime also means daydreaming which is actually pretty therapeutic to me. More than sitting on the magic couch in my living room, a book in hand while staring at my bookshelves. I found that a lot of my daydreams have something to do with books. [For some reason I also daydream about monkeys, honey, tea, popcorn and “Call me Ishmael“]

As a reader, I of course spend a lot of time at bookstores and read whatever I get my hands on. If a person doesn’t understand my passion, they also don’t get how good books smell. Or how happy I am if I can attend a public reading of one of my favorite authors (Philip Roth, Salman Rushdie, David Sedaris are some of the highlights when I was in New York) and even get my book signed or have a little chat with them afterwards. 

I always thought how amazing it would be to run into an author while I am actually reading their book. I remember a time last summer when I saw a Margaret Atwood lookalike close to where I live thinking about for hours what I would tell and ask her. Then I realized it was actually not her when I saw the same woman again on the bus. Sitting on a bus, reading Atwood while she gets on the bus would be pretty neat though. However, would she ever take public transportation?

I am always dreaming to work with books all day and owning a vintage, used books store. Language, writing and reading somewhat all works together so I reckon I am on a good track after all. I cannot really see anything but books in my future. I mean, I know I would never get bored while working with books. Additionally, wouldn’t it be great to have unlimited access to books or to purchase and then the shelf space to keep them all? I guess, this is the ultimate bookworm struggle because it is also not the same to be able to borrow books at the university/library for example but to physically own the copies while at the same time running out of bookshelf space. What a problem, right? Books are literally piling up at my house so daydreaming about a place big enough to have a reading room would be sweet. 

It happened to me once or twice so far that I actually caught someone in public who read the exact same book than I was and we spoke about it because I approached the person. I usually just asked why they read this particular book while showing them the my copy. Hours of conversations and coffee followed. With both people I am still in touch on Facebook which is so sweet. We have some sort of bookclub as well talking here and there about what we currently read and what we could/would recommend. 

Since I read so much, it is hard to remember details of certain books. I have my favorite books that I reread ten million times and I remember every single bit of the plot but then again, others, not so much. I wish I could be able to remember a lot more of the books that I read. Sometimes I finish one book and start the next one right away and at least read ten pages or so. It is difficult to keep track indeed. Sometimes, reading this voraciously has its downfalls. It is just difficult to remember things or keep track of names, events, and plots. Are those “booknerdproblems”?

You know what is under the Christmas tree for me? About ten books from my favorite bookstore in Coburg – Riemann! And this is it. All I get for Christmas is books and I am truly happy. <3

Merry Christmas to you all. Thank you for reading my blog. 

“Jo [her husband] and I are happy, I say, my voice unsteady. We’ve had our ups and downs like all couples, but we’ve managed to get over the bad times. We have two lovely children, a pretty little house, friends, we go on holiday twice a year. The shop is doing very well…”

The semester ended and it feels so good to read for pleasure again. Books had been piling up at my house since I of course spent a lot of time working at my favorite bookstore Black Squirrel Books. Needless to say, there was always a “book reward purchase” at the end, sigh! 

For our recent journey to Germany, I took Murakami’s novella “South of the Border, West of the Sun” that I finished in a couple of hours on the plane.  A book review will follow soon. [Murakami’s writing style is just so great and keeps me reading without realizing where I was – on the plane with a three year-old who “reads” next to me or watches “Finding Nemo” or “Finding Dory” on repeat!] 

My mom and I can talk about books for hours too since we share the same passion/addiction for reading. She read a bunch of great book recently and kept a pile of her favorites nicely piled up for me. Grégroire Delacourt was one of them among Bodo Kirchhoff who is a German author I never heard of. I started “My Wish List” simply because it is a little novella that I wanted to finish in one night due to being up because of jet leg and Petit Joel’s cough. 

In a nutshell: What a quaint, thought-provoking, amazing novella indeed that made me think about my own life, choices and decisions at 3 am in the morning. The main protagonists of the book kept me focused throughout the entire reading and I somehow could even relate to Jocelyne as well as her husband in some ways. The book just has a wonderful plot. 

The plot (no spoilers): A woman, married, writer of a blog and passionate knitter at a small company she owned and two kids, wins a large sum of money on the lottery. Nothing too crazy, yet indeed something that is nice and many secretly desire. Who doesn’t want to win the lottery? What will happen next? I expected a somewhat light-hearted story of her telling the family about her win, traveling the world and spending the money happily but wisely on things they/she always dreamt about. With this sum of money, all her wishes could come true, or couldn’t they? Jocelyne, the main protagonist, who had been touched by tragedy many times already is however very strong and manages to just keep on going and to focus on the good things in life. However, what she cannot change is her fear of losing the man she loves. 

What I enjoyed about the book was that the main protagonist Jocelyne never doubted her life or decisions. However, is it okay to want more for yourself or of life?  Or the main question, if this amount of money could ruin whatever one has right now in life – even if your life seems so ordinary? Is it possible that this money can buy you a happier, better or even new life? 

Additionally, I love to read when authors refer to other great works of literature or writers. Delacourt referred to Albert Cohen’s Belle de Seigneur who Jocelyne loved to read. The author mentioned several characters of this particular book throughout his writings that makes it interesting to pick up Seigneur next. Many idea from the book stay with me ever since and make me reflect on life differently. 

Do you still need a Christmas gift for someone or for yourself? Purchase this beautiful gem of a novella. It will make you think about what is really important in life. 

Interested? Click here for the English and here for the German copy of the book. Happy reading!