.SOMETIMES RAW.

“I am so small,” said the boy. “Yes, but you make a huge difference. What do you want to be when you grow up?” she asked. “Kind”, said the boy.

“What do you think success is?” asked the boy. “To love,” she said.

“Do you have a favourite saying?” asked the boy. “Yes, I do. If at first you don’t succeed, have some cake.” “Does it work?” “Every time,” she said.

“What do you think is the biggest waste of time?” asked the boy. “Comparing yourself to others. I wonder if there is a school of unlearning. Most of the time I wish I had listened less to my fears and more to my dreams,” she said.

“What is that over there?” asked the boy while pointing at the distance. “It is the wild,” she said. “Don’t fear it. Imagine how we would be if we were less afraid.”

“One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things. I have learned how to be in the present,” she said. “How?”, asked the boy. “I find a quiet spot and shut my eyes and breathe. Then I focus,” she said. “What do you focus on?” “Cake,” she said.

“Isn’t it odd. We can only see our outsides, but nearly everything happens on the inside,” she said.

“So many beautiful things we need to look after. Being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses,” he said. “We often wait of kindness… but being kind to yourself can start now,” she said.

“Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself,” she said.

“Sometimes I feel lost,” said the boy. “Me too,” she said, “but I love you, and love brings you home. Always. I think everyone is just trying to get home,” she added.

“Doing nothing with my friends is never doing nothing, is it?” asked the boy. “No,” she said.

“I fell and it hurts,” he said and cried. “You fell, but I have got you,” she said. “Everyone is a bit scared to try new things but we are less scared together. Tears fall for a reason and they are your strength not weakness,” she said.

“What is the bravest thing you have ever said?” asked the boy. “Help,” she said.

“When have you been at your strongest?” asked the boy. “When I have dared to show my weakness. Asking for help isn’t giving up. It is refusing to give up,” she said.

“My teacher said we all need a reason to keep going. What is yours?” he asked. “You,” she said.

“I have discovered something better than cake,” he said. “What is it?” she asked. “A hug. It lasts longer,” he said.

“Sometimes just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent,” she said.

“How do these ducks look so together and perfect while floating around?” he asked. “There is a lot of frantic paddling going on beneath. The greatest illusion is that life should be perfect. Because it is not. Always be curious,” she said.

“Sometimes I think you believe in me more than I do,” said the boy. “You will catch up,” she said.

“A friend of mine never really speaks a lot and I asked him why,” said the boy. “He said that he often feels that he has nothing interesting to say,” he added. “But being honest is always interesting. There is never nothing going on,” she said.

“Sometimes all you hear about is hate but there is more love in this world than you could possibly imagine,” she said.

“Is your glass half empty or half full?” asked the boy. “I think I am grateful to have a glass,” she said.

“What will happen tomorrow if my friend does not show up?” he asked. “We don’t know about tomorrow. We will see. All we need to do is focus on the here and now,” she said.

“When the dark clouds come, keep going,” she said. “What do you mean?” he asked. “When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose. You! This storm will pass,” she said.

“We still have such a long way to go,” sighed the boy. “Yes, but look how far we have come,” she said.

“What is your best discovery?” asked the boy. “That I am enough as I am,” she said.

“What do we do when our hearts hurt?” asked the boy. “We wrap them with friendship, shared tears and time, till they wake hopeful and happy again,” she said.

“Do you have one more advice?” asked the boy. “Don’t measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated. Always remember you matter, you are important and you are loved and you bring to this world things no one else can,” she said.

Mr. X: I don’t like alcohol anymore. I want to slow down drinking a lot! It just does not do anything for me anymore. Actually, I think it never did. It makes me feel crappy and anxious the next day. Even just one cocktail does it. Stop looking at me like that. I rather take sparkling water instead.

Alcohol: What do you mean? So you are thinking about breaking up with me. As unlikely as it may sound, you are not the first but c’mon. Chances are you have got a lot on your mind right now if you tackle such questions but I think you are making a HUGE mistake. Breaking up with me could mean a very confusing time in your life. You will miss me so much, I guarantee you that. Make sure you have examined the short- and long-term effects of straight-up dumping my ass.

Mr. X: I thought about it. I feel so much better without you. I am more creative. No headaches and I can have fun at parties, too. Minus the major hangover the next day. Waking up fresh and cle

Alcohol: F*** you! Don’t do that. I know you love me. Grow old with me. Please! Don’t turn your back on the best thing that ever happened to you. You risk a lifetime of gnawing regret! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!

Mr. X: Breaking up with you does feel overwhelming but I know it is the right thing to do. You know why? My health! I don’t like how you make me feel anymore. You destroy me. If I continue drinking like I will die soon.

Alcohol: Health blablabla. We all going to die anyway. Why not party in the meantime? Leaving my sweet embrace will make you feel lonely. Imagine everybody drinks alcohol while you sip on your water? Pffff… hello???…. boooooring. Your dumping me will trigger a swift chain of events that culminates at a bar. All your friends will have fun, except you. Oh wait, some effects are more insidious. Should you really kick me to the curb, you must anticipate that I am going to sit on that exact curb eating chocolate. I will eat chocolate every day, sometimes at strange hours, because I have seen sad women do this. You might meet different non-alcoholic drinks but honestly, good luck replacing me. Do you find yourself doubting yet? Because breaking up with me would mean a huge scale of devastation that can be blamed only on you.

Mr. X: I feel so much better without you. Also, anybody who really cares so much that I don’t drink has a problem with alcohol themselve. Honestly, f*** off.

Alcohol: It is with near certainty that, if you really break up with me you will break my heart. Also, don’t think you can just break up with me and head on your little “Eat Pray Love” – style journey. You neeeeeed me. You waaaaaant me. Always remember that. Many people need me. This is a conclusion based on years of data collection and analysis from bars, my friend. Oh, you won’t go to bars and restaurants anymore either now? I could go on and on. You just make me angry. Breaking up with me is a very personal choice. No one can make it for you. Damn, I think you feel pretty strong about this.

Mr. X: I do. Honestly, it is fun to drink but one drink is usually not enough. I have another one, which leads to another one. I rather have a clear mind to live in the here and now and be fully present.

Alcohol: I really hope for you that you have gained a helpful new perspective, one broad enough to confront the fiery, sad, drought-ravaged world that awaits you in your sobriety. Alternatively, we could stay together forever and preserve this beautiful friendship we have had over the years. I eagerly await your decision. You know I will be around for comfort. I always was, I always will be.

Mr. X: We were never friends. I always considered you a lying, backstabbing friend who never made me feel good. I consider this moment a brave act of not allowing a poisonous substance to dim my bright light. I know alcohol is never the answer. I am.

What’s your name? How tall are you? Have you been feeling any dizziness or fatigue lately? Are you bipolar? Getting to know the real you is about asking yourself lots of questions. Much better questions than these.

It’s about exploring your strengths and weaknesses. Are you a good shooter? If not, then that’s a weakness. How about swimming or jogging? Hopefully one of those is a yes or you start to look like a nightmare.

Becoming self-aware may mean discovering aspects of yourself that you didn’t notice before, like, that you’re divorced or single. But amidst all the positives, there is always the risk that you could end up liking yourself less. This happens rarely, but when it does, boy, is sucks.

You might think you know yourself, but how about the time in that restaurant when you were so sure you wanted the salmon, then spit it right out of your mouth? Or the time you bought that expensive shirt then spit it out of your mouth? That doesn’t sound like someone who knows themselves very well or who understands what’s supposed to go in their mouth.

According to the renowned German psychologist Erick Erickson, people who lack self-awareness are experiencing an “identity crisis,” a condition that comes about when the person you think you are is different than the person you truly are. This happens a lot when you catch a glimpse of your Best Buy name tag.

Self-awareness can often be the gateway to personal change. If you want to quit smoking, for example, you have to know that you’re a smoker first, so look down at your hand and see if there’s a cigarette there. If not, then what is that in your hand? A gun? What are you, some kind of murderer?

Only when you truly know who you are will you feel the sense of freedom to mock others. Someone might walk funny, for example, but before you can safely mock him, it’s important to know for sure that you don’t walk funny, too. Once you’re clear, let ’em have it.

Looking through old photos can be a great window into your relationships—a big piece of the self-awareness puzzle. Study the body language of the people in the photos with you. Do they seem to like you, or are they glaring at you and hitting you? Are there any pictures of you water rafting or snowboarding? This can be a huge help in determining whether or not you like doing that.

Try writing your obituary. Do you know yourself well enough to write about your life, or do you keep getting facts wrong? Are you even sad that you died? Because you sure aren’t acting like it.

Look into a mirror and say hello to yourself. Did you say anything back or just leave yourself hanging? Try smiling, now frown, now look frightened, now embarrassed, now shocked like you just got slapped by someone. Do any of these emotions feel natural to you? Try walking away from the mirror, then sneaking up on yourself. Is your first reaction, “Oh, there I am”? Or is it, “Who the hell’s this Chinese lady?”

Install a mirror above your bed so the first thing you see every morning is you. Use the little camera in the mirror to film yourself having sex with someone, then post it on the Internet. Check the comments section to see if people are generally pretty positive. If so, then someone may have just found that strength he was looking for.

Remember, achieving self-awareness is a process. Even with all the mirrors and sex videos, the path is rarely clear, but rather lined with mirages of our false selves. Each of us plays so many different roles in our lives: You might be a wife, husband, father, brother, son, daughter, boss, hungdaddy9999, and a soccer mom all at the same time—so which “self” is the real you? It’s difficult to say, but fingers crossed it’s not the porny one.

With this being said, my friends, I wish you a Happy New Year. Thank you for reading my stuff. Live, Laugh, Love! All the best for 2023.