.SOMETIMES RAW.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran

When I started this journey of simplifying my life, I realized how much more freedom, joy, and balance this brought me. It is almost a game at this point. Where else in my life can I remove distraction and simplify my life to focus on the essentials? My son’s 7th (!) birthday is around the corner and he is very excited. Let’s see if it will be possible to host a Halloween birthday party like every year. Damn you, Covidiot-time!

I have countless memories of my own birthday parties as a child. My parents always made it special and kept family and traditions alive. For some reason, very few childhood memories actually include the gifts I received. Well… okay, I distinctly remember the Barbie Camping Trailer which was pretty awesome. I was nine-years-old. Or the Lego Hidden Sight Haunted University. I was thirty-nine. Other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. I had a nice chat with a colleague at work about this which got me thinking: What type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What type of gifts will truly impact their lives? Or anybody’s life for that matter. This is my take on it.

• Something I created or made for him.
• Affirmation: Telling him that I appreciate and love him.
• Challenge him. Encourage him to dream big dreams and follow them.
• Contentment. This need for more is contagious. But, I lead by example and embrace that less is more. I show him that he has to be content with what he has, who he is, and who he can become.
• Life isn’t fair. It never will be. There are just too many variables and idiots on this planet. But, when a wrong has been committed, I want my child to be active in helping and solving. I know that any issue can simply be discussed and solved in a normal way.
• I teach my son to ask questions. Many questions. I will do my best to answer them all without telling him “Stop asking so many questions”.
• Discipline. Appropriate behavior, how to get along with others, how to solve problems, how to get results, and how to achieve his dreams.
• Beauty. I help him to find beauty in everything he sees and in everyone he meets.
• Love.
• Stability. A stable home and foundation are key. He needs to know that he is safe, his place in the family, who he can trust, and who is going to be there for him. To know that he can always come home is among the sweetest assurances in the world.
• Undivided attention. Mostly. 🙂
• I show him to be generous and live it, so he does it.
• Honesty/Integrity. To be honest and to deal truthfully with others is so much better. No lying. No cheating. No stealing.
• Hugging and Kissing. The other day I heard a father tell his maybe ten-year-old son that he had grown too old for kisses. No, Sir!
• Imagination. And he has tons of that. So cute to see what he creates because the world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And those with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
• I teach him that learning is fun and a passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please a teacher. I love to learn, read, write, and study, and he can see that daily. So he does it, too. You want to raise a reader, be a reader.
• We spend quality time together after work and school. We eat together, play together, and talk a lot.
• We spend time in nature. As much as possible. Doesn’t cost anything.
• I teach him to be positive. Pessimists don’t change the world. They make everything sad. Optimists do.
• Time. Giving someone time is a great gift. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get- or take back. So I think carefully about who (or what) is getting mine.
• I give him room to make mistakes. Room to experiment, and explore because kids are fun (to a certain extend, right!?).
• I teach him to have the right amount of self-esteem and self-confidence without creating a wise-ass or know-it-all. To value himself and stick to those values is important. Even when no one else is. He does not have to be the best in everything or better than everybody else.
• Uniqueness. What makes him different is what makes him special. Uniqueness should not be hidden and rather be proudly displayed for the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
• Humor. We laugh a lot and are both pretty funny.
• Opportunity. He needs opportunities to experience new things so he can find out what he enjoys and what he is good at.

Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at the department store. But, I think that is the point. Have a lovely weekend.

Stay Happy. Stay Healthy. Stay Sane.

“A healthy outside starts from the inside.” Robert Urich

A lovely summer is slowly coming to an end. I realized this last night when I actually needed a thicker blanket and felt how the air and warmth of the sunlight changed. There are many things I am very grateful for these days and not many things I need in my life because all I need is …. actually less. When I cut out the things I don’t need, I leave room for the positive and beneficial things I want to focus on. The same principle helps me to strip away the, for example, unhealthy elements of my diet and replace them with nutritious alternatives or to identify some weirdness in my relationships with people and put them behind me. By learning to prioritize and pare things down I fell the benefits across all areas of my life. So, I want to share how I found my pleasure dome:

• I worry less and take action instead. I meditate. I lighten the load by chatting with the people who matter in my life. I write about what worries and bothers me.
• I get active. Physical exercise is an effective way to de-stress quickly as it releases endorphins (Oh yeah, I forgot, I am a Certified Holistic Nutritionist: -> endorphins are “feel-good hormones” that make one calmer). I love to run, swim and practice Yoga.
• I rationalize my worries and be realistic. I don’t let my worries take control so they can get blown up out of proportion. Honestly, if it is pretty unlikely to happen, I focus on the present instead and decide then if I will actually cross that bridge if it (ever) comes to me.
• I don’t dwell on decisions. I trust my instinct, bite the bullet, and decide. I commit to my plan and take action. With the right partner, this is even easier.
• I let go of control. There are some things in life I can control and others that I just can’t. I leave for work on time but I cannot prevent the train from not running due to construction. I can always control the way I react to these situations though.
• I have less clutter. I have access to so much stuff. I can purchase things with a mouse-click. But what do I really need? Most unnecessary things, instead of making me feel happy, have a detrimental effect on my mood. I love a clutter-free home because it is calm, relaxed, and creates a happy haven. When I moved from Canada to Austria, I thought about decluttering my home as therapy, rather than a tedious task. It instantly boosted my mood and encouraged me to go on and score in other areas of my life. I was realistic about what to keep because everything my son and I could take was supposed to fit into two suitcases each.

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris

• I rethink my gifting. I consider giving time or experiences instead of items. Tickets to the Opera (For some who might not know – Vienna has an Opera), a hot-air balloon ride, a trip to some awesome place, or a SPA-afternoon. For kids: ONE gift that they really want.
• I take myself on a date. I take along my favorite book, eat something awesome, visit a museum after or see a movie.
• I declutter “beauty” products because there are so many additives and chemicals in those that are easily absorbed through the skin. I make my products or switch to the ones as natural as possible.
• I detoxed my friendship group. My free time is precious and it is important to spend it with positive people. My friends should boost me, encourage me, and make me feel better and valued. And I should do the same for them. I trust my gut instinct. If I am dreading a meeting with someone, I don’t do it unless I have to.
• I always make time for loved ones.
• I practice seeing someone. I find a peaceful space and stand or sit cross-legged toe-to-toe with my partner, then simply look into their eyes silently for at least a minute. There are always the initial giggles but once I relax I find that letting someone “see” me in this way is very powerful and I feel equally honored to see my partner, too. It brings us much closer together.

“Bring awareness to the many subtle sounds of nature: The rustling of leaves in the wind, raindrops falling, the humming of an insect, the first birdsong at dawn.” – Eckhart Tolle

• I don’t take things personally anymore. If people have behaved badly toward me, it is not a personal vendetta but just a sign that they were not able to handle things better. Issues like this are almost always about the other person, rather than me. I might never know exactly why people have behaved in a certain way, but they are motivated by their own fears and are a victim of their own weakness. I rise above these situations and don’t become embroiled in analyzing why they have happened. Life is tricky enough without picking up another person’s baggage. And in the midst of movement, chaos, insanity, and more, I am able to keep stillness inside because solitude has its own very strange beauty to it.

Stay Sane. Stay Happy. Stay Healthy.

As requested, I constructed a list of “What I have learned” and things that you don’t know about me. Here is an attempt:

• I have a scar on my right index finger. My pet turtle bit me when I was a teenager.
• I speak a bit of sign language. I am not crazy fluent, but I can communicate. I have learned the hard way that not all deaf people want to talk to you just because you can sign.
• I am working on my P.h.D. in Linguistics and will be a Doctor in about two years but I won’t be able to perform open-heart surgery.
• I am terrified of raccoons. They are so scary. Period.
• I am not allergic to food but eating pineapple hurts my mouth.
• I have been pregnant once and never want to do this again. I am fine with one child.
• My favorite food is fish, salad, and veggies.
• And Dark Chocolate.
• I would love to go skydiving but then again I would have to JUMP OUT OF A FUCKING AIRPLANE.
• I cannot stand Rod Stewart’s voice.
• I practice yoga almost daily.
• I faked injuring my ankle to get out fo running a couple of miles in police academy. I lay in the dirt until someone found me.
• I don’t like crowds of people. I don’t like big, crazy parties.
• What’s mostly on my mind is my family.
• I have a thing for guys who make me laugh and let me be myself.
• I am not sure when I have laughed the hardest in my life, but these days, I am laughing so much that my belly hurts. Also, at work.
• The best things I have ever bought were books and a comfy bed.
• I love being in museums, art galleries, vernissages, and actually anything artsy.
• I love to read and write.
• I meditate at least twice a day. It helps me clear my mind, get rid of stress and gives me energy.
• I am a pathological liar.
• Just kidding.
• I am an introvert rather than an extrovert.
• My apartment is a place to chill, read, enjoy good food, laugh, relax, and so much more.
• I enjoy a minimalistic lifestyle. Owning less makes me happy.
• I have no debt and rarely use my credit card.
• My third book is available for purchase in one or two weeks.
• I like to be honest and fair, and demand the same from others.
• I like to laugh and make everything more fun and exciting.
• I would give you the shirt off my back, even if you didn’t ask for it.
• I am generous and mostly calm. Unless the Air-condition breaks down at work.
• I can make people feel better.
• As a child, I had the creepiest clown as a stuffy in my bed and actually took it along at all times.
• Sex is awesome with the right partner.
• Sex is fun, but have you ever canceled an invitation to a baby shower?
• I hate it when people call me sweetheart or honey.
• I am proud of myself and what I have accomplished.
• I love my son so much.
• I have many male friends because it is easier to get along with them than with most women.
• I don’t want to be the “obvious” sexy mom. Still waters run deep.
• I dyed my hair blonde once when I was nineteen and will never do it again. Being natural is awesome.
• TV in the bedroom is not okay.
• I always ask for what I want. Or I go for it.
• I keep trying.
• I barely remember anyone’s name but I never forget their face.
• Street smart is as important as book smart.
• Don’t work too hard.
• I don’t ask people what they are doing for a living but rather who they are and what makes them happy.
• It is okay to cry.
• It is not okay to beat each other up after an argument. It is also not okay to take the phone of your partner and control all their moves.
• Whenever something feels weird, it usually is.
• Everything in moderation.
• Don’t listen to “experts”.
• Trust your gut. Not your brain.
• If it is not funny, you don’t have to laugh.
• I love brilliant writers like David Sedaris and David Rakoff.
• Nobody is looking stupid when they are having fun.
• Short people don’t want to be picked up.
• Relax and let them win. Who cares.
• WhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocaresWhocares.
• Make “no” a complete sentence.

How does your list look? What would you add?