Am I the Worst f***ing Parent?

Monday, 7th of September 2020, was the first day of school for my son and it was very emotional to me. My little boy is growing up so quickly. But then again, kids are finally back at school and there is some sort of routine in this “new normal”. Parenting was/is tough throughout the still ongoing pandemic and maybe you are wondering if you are a good mother or father. Maybe you wonder if you did everything you can do to make it as nice and comfortable as possible for your kid(s)? Maybe Corona messed up everything for you and you are slowly getting back into it all. Things were very different in the last couple of months but I held my marbles together with help from my parents, partner, and friends. I guess we all did what we could to survive this and parent through it somehow. Have you ever questioned if you are a good parent? What does it mean to be a good parent? Here is my list:

You are NOT good at parenting if:

  • You never contact your child.
  • You never spend time with your kid(s).
  • You don’t let them have any chocolate.
  • You put too much pressure on the child.
  • You don’t pay the child support you are supposed to.
  • You never take time to yourself, and you resent the kids for it.
  • You never spend quality time with your partner anymore.
  • You signed him/her up for too many extracurriculars, forcing them into an after-school-Karate-Course named “Saved-By-the-Clock-9 mm Caliber-Coffee habit -then -wax- on -and -wax- off”.
  • You signed them up for all extracurriculars because you want them to get into Harvard at some point.
  • You sent pictures of your child to your ex and he/she does not respond.
  • You didn’t read enough to your child and as a teenager and they start reading Freud, Heidegger, Kant, and Kierkegaard to you.
  • You forced your child to read too much and as a teenager, they rebel by smoking weed behind the library and setting the building on fire with the dying embers of their joint or “eh….the doobie, mom”.
  • You receive the dependency allowance from work and keep it even though your ex-partner has sole custody and raises the child(ren) alone.
  • You let them watch too much television, knowing full well that too much television causes The Bachelor.
  • You are not wearing a mask in front of your child on the subway but tell them to wear one.
  • You smoke and drink in front of your child and tell them smoking and drinking is bad.

You ARE a good at parenting if:

  • You love them and show them. Unconditionally.
  • If you introduce them to Freud, Heidegger, Kant, and Kierkegaard at a teenager level.
  • You are always here for them.
  • You listen and you talk to them. Always.
  • You make an effort.
  • You never tell your child that the ex-partner does not love him even though they never get in touch.
  • That, after divorce, the child is loved by father and mother and that it is not the child’s fault that the parents don’t get along anymore.
  • You gave your kid(s) too much freedom to play alone in the park and now they call the squirrel under the shed “Dad”.
  • Your child loves the new partner you chose.
  • You went out for a BBQ with your friends, brought your child, didn’t come home until 11 pm, and you get your child ready for bed with a big smile on your face.
  • You don’t have newborn photos of your child framed all over the house.
  • You don’t have a million pictures of your children on Facebook or Instagram or in your wallet.
  • You don’t show a million pictures of your child(ren) to your friends.
  • You don’t prepare vegan veggie fat balls every day for lunch for your kid(s).

Stay Happy. Stay Healthy. Stay Sane.

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