.SOMETIMES RAW.

“If you don’t like the world the way it is, change it — one step at a time. Be prepared for how long change might take and how hard it will sometimes be. Always remember the quote you wrote in your diary after hearing Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. speak: ‘If you can’t fly, run; if you can’t run, walk; if you can’t walk, crawl; but by all means keep moving.’ ” — Marian Wright Edelman

“One of those days,” I heard myself say a couple of times today or actually throughout the week. Everything is slightly off since Sunday. This morning I dropped my iPhone and the glass broke. I was stuck in the snow with the stroller and crying Petit Joel just before I dropped my purse in a deep enough puddle of muddy snow/water to soak the entire content of it. I arrived at the university library slightly exhausted and the barista at the coffee shop smiled and asked if I want “the regular”. It is the little things, as I always mention. 

I took my super warm jacket off, looked outside and took a sip of my coffee. I am tired of this freezing cold and the snow by now. Canadian winters are pretty long and it is my first one, so I am still adjusting. I am so ready for spring however. Even though, being curled up inside with a cup of tea, wine, chocolate and cookies is great, it seems this winter never ends. So while I looked outside, the Danish word “hygge” came to my mind. A Danish friend of mine mentioned this word yeas ago and it somehow stuck with me because we have a similar one in German. The Oxford Dictionary tries to translates “hygge” into English as: 

hygge: Pronunciation /ˈhʊɡə//ˈh(j)uːɡə/  [Danes even use the word “hyggelig” rather than hygge. You leave someones house and say: “This was very hyggelig”]

NOUN [mass noun] A quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture):
‘why not follow the Danish example and bring more hygge into your daily life?’
[as modifier] ‘count on candlelight —almost a requirement for that special hygge experience’

In German, the word which describe “hygge” best is probably “Gemütlichkeit”. Since I love languages and linguistics, I dove a little deeper into all this. [Also: procrastination at its best again]

The German “Gemütlichkeit” means to me mostly togetherness, as cozy as possible and cuddled up with my family or friends by the fire, talking, reading, watching something and enjoying food and drinks together. This is basically what we do all winter. These little rituals get me through this long, cold winter. I admire the photographer Nana Hagel who is based in Copenhagen. She said once that “People all over the world have ‘hygge’ in their lives, they just don’t necessarily have a word for it.”

So chances are pretty high that you are living a “hygge-life” if the first thing you do when you come home is to change into comfy sweatpants and mostly spend your evenings wrapped up in a cozy blanket on the couch and prefer reading or watching a movie instead of going to a bar or club. 

For Danes or Germans alike, hygge or Gemütlichkeit is however much more than just lighting a bunch of candles and sipping that cup of tea. Hagel added that “hygge can happen when there are soft blankets and candles involved, but it has more to do with your mindset, relaxing and feeling comfortable with the people you’re with, or alone”. 

A while ago, I read the book “The Little Book of Hygge” by Meik Wiking, who is actually the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. (I want to be the CEO of that Institute! What a cool title indeed!) 

I briefly want to highlight the main pillars of Wiking’s work because I like his concept so much. And maybe you do or will, too. 

Light/Atmosphere. According to Wiking, 28% of Danes light candles every single day. I for example love IKEA candles. If I have nothing to buy at this Swedish-Happy-Place and simply browse through, I always end up with candles for some reason. Or tend to forget Petit Joel at Småland; kidding! Waking added that bringing nature to your apartment is salient for creating a hygge lifestyle. Flowers, plants, candles, you get the idea. 

Thoughtfulness. Leave politics alone already, take small breaks from life, take a bath, read a good book, focus and be present by living in the moment. Wiking highlights that it is important to stay off the phone once in a while, especially when we are at home, with friends and family. Initially, I felt bad about my broken phone, but after a couple of hours without it working properly, it feels like such a relief; almost like I broke an addiction. 

Home/Comfort/Togetherness. Home is shelter. Home is harmony, warmth, peace and quiet. For a hygge-lifestyle, one should rather once in a while plan a nice dinner for friends at home than going out to a restaurant for example. Have game-nights in. Start little routines. Pizza/Movie-Friday-nights. Avoid the crowds, avoid the noise, it is cheaper and more comfortable at home. Well, comfort is pretty clear, right? Sweatpants, hoodies, wool socks. 

Inner Harmony, Pleasure, Minimalism. Here Wiking added that the whole idea of hygge is “we over me”. Rather listen than speak. Let people finish what they have to say. Don’t interrupt. Really listen. Hygge is not only reserved for home but, as I mentioned, starts more within ourselves. It is all about good food and drinks and the idea of “let’s sin together”. Indulge in this chocolate cake if you feel like it. And as always, the best things in life are free. 

Signing off and curling up on the couch with my book now. Stay hyggelig.

Thanks to HarperCollinsCanada and the publisher for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review. I have read “Gone Girl” by the author which attracted me to Rowe’s latest book “The Spider and the Fly”. This does not affect my opinion of the content or the book in my review.

“I [Rowe] extended my arm, and Kendall grabbed it, spreading my fingers wide. He hooked his between them, slammed his other hand on top, and I was caught. […] Electricity crackled up my elbow. Kendall gazed into my eyes. He was beaming”.

With a long background in Police, Security and Law Enforcement, I enjoy reading true crime/memoir novels, especially those with insight on forensic psychology or forensic linguistics. I could relate to many situations Rowe mentioned regarding prison, psychology, murder and trials. I also find it more and more difficult to believe that anybody can truly understand what makes a serial killer tick and cross this somewhat fine line of committing murder. 

Since I finished this book last night, the story of the serial killer Kendall Francois is on my mind a lot and keeps me thinking and wonder. The author Claudia Rowe has a great way of keeping the reader suspicious enough to read on and on through a mix of awesome journalism and language throughout the entire book. 

What is the book about? [No spoilers]

The journalist Claudia Rowe corresponds initially through letters with the imprisoned serial killer Kendall Francois who brutally raped and killed eight sex workers. The author also gives a plethora of background information about the murder case as well as trial and psychological information about the killer. It becomes clear pretty quickly throughout the story that Rowe gets obsessed with the Kendall and is eager to find out why he committed the murders. She also wants answers about how Francois was able to kill eight women and kept them in the attic, in the garage or in a kiddy pool for weeks. Who is Kendall Francois? Is he human? Does he have feelings?

Francois has never been caught by police [it might have been because of incompetence and/or bad police work], however, he confessed to all eight murders and this is when and where Rowe’s story actually begins. She started a correspondence with Kendall. He demanded that she has to write about personal things about her life and background but would  in return only get limited access to him and his thoughts. Kendall: “How I ‘deal’ with the awful things I’ve done is personal”. 

“Ken, I do not just see you only as a killer. I never have. I see you as a person who has been in pain for a long time, and whose pain is a big part of what ultimately happened. It is difficult to understand how someone who writes and thinks the way you do […], could grow up to commit the crimes you’ve committed”. 

I wondered many times, how the author is able to write very emotionally at points, yet tried to be as objectively about Kendall and the case as possible. I knew that this book is true crime at its best since the author also does not only focus on the case or the murderer. The reader finds out about Rowe as a person, her private life, her personal struggles and traumas while living with her boyfriend  in the Poughkeepsie area in New York. She also seeks to understand why she is fascinated by Kendall. 

Overall, this is a very interesting, brilliant and thought-provoking read especially for anyone who enjoys genres like true crime, memoir, journalism as well as topics such as prison life,  police work and investigation. 

Interested? The Spider and the Fly will be published January 27, 2017 by Harper Collins. 

No rockets but PoP Fizz, yeah! 

I really  loved 2016. It was amazing and loaded with changes – good and bad ones, sad, painful, inspiring, loving, stressing and relaxing. I turned 35, moved to Canada, started a Master in Linguistics, discovered Ottawa, found new amazing friends I can always count on, experienced two Canadian hospitals and so much more. It was definitely a year of transformation, even a bit life-changing. Events that physically and emotionally pushed me to new limits. It was a growing year for sure and sometimes, with growth comes pain. One thing that will never change is this oh so familiar bittersweet sadness when leaving Germany again. Whenever there is sunshine, rain or rough times are usually around the corner. This is life. It challenges us, makes us fall and stand back up to do it all over again. I stumbled, I made mistakes, I learned by figuring everything else out along the way. 

We took a long traditional New Year’s walk in the freezing cold this afternoon, which was amazing. The fresh air, my family, good conversations while we could see our breath when speaking. There are only a couple of hours left of 2016 and here I sit, close to the fire place, typing this while Petit Joel and my brother are dancing in the living room. My parents preparing dinner (Raclette) in the kitchen; life is good. Looking back at the last two weeks I realize that they flew by in a heartbeat and I am so, so grateful. I want to thank the universe for all the hard stuff I had to deal with. Whatever bad happened, I was always able to find myself again, even though the roads were very dark or lonely sometimes. I could go on with this list but what I really want to do is to look to the future instead of pondering about the past. Past is the past, after all. I believe in new starts and fresh beginnings. My mom would agree here that when I was a child, my favorite thing to do was to start new folders, binders or journals, especially for school and at home when writing. Everything had to be nicely organized, highlighted and labeled and I do it to this day. For some reason it gives me a great feeling, like writing in a new journal with a new pen. Weird? Maybe. A new book, a new day, a new year, a new moleskin notebook and all that good stuff, you know?! 

It is the same with the new year for me with or without resolutions because honestly, those never worked for me. I tried to quit smoking once on a December 31st, start to work out three times a week at the gym or be a vegan for good. I realized pretty quickly that I fell back in my old habits sooner or later. I know myself and achieve things not because of a New Year’s “to-do-list-resolution”. For me, a new year is like a blank, clean slate, like a new folder, a new chapter. 

So what is next? What I planned for 2017?

I don’t ask for much. I want to be present in the moment, be healthy, focus on my studies and career and be fully here to do everything in the best way possible. I will enjoy my family and friends more and start my Master thesis and do well. The next semester starts the following week and I will do it with a clear, open mind; especially the statistics class.  One step at a time, little pieces, nothing huge. Another goal is to just simplify my life more and remove stress. I will reevaluate more on things I thought I need that turned out to be so useless. 

So, leaving the old year behind and starting something new, nice and fresh is awesome, with our without New Year’s resolutions. 

I am thankful for my family, for my parents and siblings, grandparents, uncle, aunt cousins, nephews, friends and this growing community of Sometimes Raw readers. I wish all of you a Happy New Year and hope 2017 brings everything you want and hope for.