My son and I came back from the most amazing trip to Japan! What was one of our main goals besides climbing up Mount Fuji? To find Labubus. I know, this is completely nuts and not even funny anymore. These little creatures are like cocaine, it seems. “Do you want to touch my Labubu? (Sounds weird, I know, but so is this entire Labubu insanity!) I will charge you 20 Euros!” One has to be careful when these little weird creatures are attached to the backpack, so nobody will cut them off and sell them on the black market. I am not kidding. How did we find Labubus when they are sold out everywhere? Even in Japan? When people are lining up for hours in front of Pop Marts all over the world? It is like this phenomenon with Dubai Chocolate. Now, nobody cares, but in the beginning, people killed for a bar of this pistachio shit.
This is a little excerpt of our Labubu hunt in Japan:
It was early before the woman had taken her morning coffee. And without her morning coffee she is usually not even in the mood to talk to people. But the boy wanted one of these dolls no matter what so she gave in and the line at the Pop Mart in Osaka was already long and winding. The people in it had gone days without using a working toilet. Forgoing personal hygiene for the opportunity to purchase this ugly doll would be worth it.
All humankind lived in darkness. A new Labubu would be their light.
Many had already paid their way into a lot of Labubus. Some attached them to their purses like Rihanna. Others wore them loyally on hats. Still others hung them from belt buckle loops like keys to their fading youth.
The woman knew she must obtain this monster doll with bunny ears. She would not be one of the Labubu have-nots. She could not be defeated by the people looking to buy in bulk and resell them on eBay. So she set a series of timers in her bedroom to awaken her at the moment of the next scheduled drop. In case that failed, she constructed an elaborate pulley system. The moment the Pop Mart app sent a notification of a restocked store, it would drop a bucket of ice water on her face. Usually, this was at midnight on Fridays. As good a time as any to drink water.
Across from the Pop Mart, an old man appeared with a cart. He stoically held a sign that read: FOR SALE, LABUBU DOLLS, NEVER OPENED.
The woman considered this temptation to purchase from an unofficial reseller. She knew they were not Labubus, but Lafufus, the street name for fake Labubus. She would not make the mistake of buying one. Nothing could replace the feeling of ripping open a blind bag and finding an expertly sewn plush and vinyl figurine with an official Pop Mart QR code to verify authenticity.
“A Lafufu is like a whore in a bar,” the woman thought. “I’d pay for one, but I would feel weird take her out for all to see.”
The Pop Mart suddenly opened, but the line did not appear to be moving. She worried she was waiting for something that would not come. “Damn these lines,” she muttered before cursing herself for not trying to get a Labubu online somewhere. These things are sold out everywhere. At the ripe old age of forty-four, she did not embrace new technology as easily as she embraced new plush and vinyl status symbols.
The line moved slowly. At last, a few people exited the store. They had boxes in hand that they had ripped open to reveal a black and white creature from the Big Into Energy series. People in line could not believe it. Now was the time to think of what they did not have.
“They got an ID?” the couple in front of her asked. This figure was the rarest specimen of Labubu. There was only a one-in-seventy-two chance of unboxing one. She thought about how superior it would make her feel to stroke its coveted fur. “They don’t give us any choice now,” the couple said. “We must be one of the special edition haves.”
The woman and her son stood in line, mouths wide open and in awe of so much insanity. “We stay right here and watch this madness from afar,” she said.
The couple in front of them did what they had to do because they were mad and plenty brave. They didn’t care if they lost an arm in a fight to get the rare Labubu. A person has two arms and just one shot at a collectable figurine that would seem silly in five weeks. They ran, swinging at the people and snatching it out of their hands like it was a prized mackerel.
Was it luck, or were they cowards? A fight broke out, and the couple lost the Labubus while the woman and her son picked them up and left the scene with their heads held up high.
The couple did not know, and she did not care. They were still fighting and beating each other up.
All she knew was that she could also be tough so early in the morning. Even without her coffee. But now that she had secured her special Labubus, to hell with the coffee. This called for Sushi for Breakfast.
Kinderteller
