Wake up my sleepy, and loud open-mouth-breather, it’s 4:01 a.m. and I feel chatty! I might be small but I’m a warm-blooded lunatic and I’m right outside your bedroom door.
I love each new day, what it might bring, the possibilities, and the joy of the unknown. One thing is certain, though, and that is the barking I will do out of the top of my lung if I am bored and you don’t play with me. Every single day. Did you think I might take time off here and there? Wrong. What kind of dog would I be if I let a morning pass without using the voice God gave me? That’s called apathy, my friend, I am not about to relax quietly as the world goes on sleeping. You might want to rest for it seems to be eight hours a night but not me, no ma’am, my belly is hungry and I am alive with ballistic energy.
GET UP! It is hunting time, and I am a hungry dog. I am going to run the hell out of this yard. Did you know sound travels twenty times faster in the morning? Woof Woof Woof, motherfuckers! (I don’t really mean that. I just heard it from one of my dog friends, a black, mean pitbull) So, back to the sound topic: That means it is going to pass right through your skull into the meat.
You probably hope you can fall back to sleep in a few minutes, but I assure you, you cannot. I am about to turn it up. I have got a buddy next door to rip off a cacophony, and we don’t take harmonisation lightly. We live by the barking song and die by the song. The only thing you will be singing is a lamentation, you sleepy human.
My, my, I can tell you are irritated when I tilt my neck, jump around and look at you with my dark, cute, marble eyes. You are clearly stressed out by my gorgeous barking and running around. Ha! Okay, listen, I have a heart too. It beats just like yours. I am sorry if I have come off a little strong this time and every single morning. Would you like me to keep it down? I can do that, until 4:45 a.m. It is the best I can offer, and you should learn when to take a deal.
I see you are playing dead and trying to ignore me. I am running around outside now and you are closing the window. Gonna get pretty stuffy in there. When you are tossing and turning in your hot bed, think of me out there, running around in your garden in the fresh air. Those toys you put out for me? Don’t care one bit. I want you to play with me. You! You know what interferes with my barking? Nothing. The bones and chew toys? Won’t catch my attention. No, ma’am, this barking show will continue and your ticket is free. Your trees and grass are too good – I mean too good – to not run around and bark and pee and shit on everything. This is my world and you are just a tall visitor.
Whoa whoa! Did you see that awesome pond in your backyard? Wow! This is amazing. Let’s jump right in. Oh, I don’t know the way out but I can swim. Let’s bark more so you will rescue me and show me the way out. Please rescue me. I am still so tiny. Are these frogs and is this a snake? That is amazing. There is just so much going on and it is sooooo early. The birds always say “The early bird catches the worm” this is why I am up, too. I mean, you just never know and I might miss something at 4 a.m.
In any case, are you up now? I just keep barking because I am good at it. Please, open the door and let me in. Pleeeeeeeese. I always wonder what humans do in there all night. Open the door!!!!!! Woof, woof, woof, bark, bark, bark. Listen, human, I have got some business with the dog next door now at the fence but that has nothing to do with your sleep nonsense. It is dog stuff; you wouldn’t understand. When I finish up that really important dog topic over there, get ready to wake you up at 5.30 a.m., and we will play all day.
But most importantly, I love you unconditionally. Woof, woof.