* I receive many emails on a daily basis and I sometimes wonder why certain phrases are used to start email exchanges. Here I will share some email highlights and how I interpreted or responded to them:
“I hope this email finds you well”
Did the email look for me?
Glad, the email found me.
But I was hiding so well. Damn you, email !!!
“To whom it may concern”
Nobody will read this in a timely matter.
Who will even get this email?
What about if nobody is concerned? Will I ever get a response?
“Trust this e-note meets you well”
Why? What is this even supposed to mean?
Take at least one day to respond.
Start the email with “I hope this email finds you well”
Respond to all other emails first.
“Per My Last Email”
As you all can see,
I have already done this.
Read my damn emails!
“Reply to All”
Who is Xiau Li in HR?
Congrats, you successfully cc’d everyone, so everyone knows I messed up.
I will not attend.
Because I don’t want to attend.
Have fun without me!
“Just a (friendly) Reminder”
Hello, are you there?
You are wasting my fucking time.
Answer me, okay?
Let’s hear from others.
You are hogging (take or use most or all of something in an unfair or selfish way) the meeting.
Please stop talking, Jay.
“No Worries If I cannot get back to You with the PowerPoint Presentation today!”
But I am worried.
I need the final slide damnit.
Do your fucking job.
“Mental Health Day Participation Request”
If it is bad timing, I can move this new breakdown, and sob at my desk.
I already did this.
Is it mandatory?
“You Must Have Missed That”
I didn’t miss it. I just don’t care.
Your request doesn’t matter.
I will reply never.
“Let Me Check My Agenda”
I cannot do it.
Stop asking me to do it.
I don’t want to do it, okay?
“How Are You?”
I super do not care.
Oh, wow, another get-together?
Just murder me, please.
“I will get back to you as soon as possible”
Get ready to wait.
Prepare another email “friendly reminder”