People of every age are interested in bettering themselves. I guess with this in mind the majority chooses which profession to pick. Most professions require specific training and skills such as three years of military or police experience. Some, however, those a bit off the beaten track, must be entered in a different fashion. Since these fields are often the most difficult to gain a foothold in, one is advised to make certain that one is really suited to this type of work. It is with this in mind that I offer the following series of tests.
So, you want to be a Pope?
This position has traditionally been reserved for men. Women interested in this job should be warned of the almost insurmountable odds against them. Religion also plays an important role here, so if you have your doubts you would be well advised to consider something a touch less restrictive.
Test 1
- I most enjoy speaking….
- a) On the phone
- b) After dinner
- c) Off the cuff
- d) In private
- e) Ex cathedra
2. My favourite name is….
- a) Jeff
- b) Vito
- c) Satan
- d) Jimmy
- e) Innocent XIII
3. Most of my friends are ….
- a) Left-wing intellectuals
- b) Loose women
- c) Quality people
- d) Good sports
- e) Cardinals
4. All roads lead to ….
- a) Vienna
- b) Bavaria
- c) Midtown Manhattan
- d) Texas
- e) Rome
5. Complete this phrase or word. Dog….
- a) House
- b) Food
- c) Tired
- d) Days
- e) ma.
6. My friends call me….
- a) Stretch
- b) Digger
- c) Bro
- d) Mike
- e) Supreme Pontiff
7. For dress-up occasions I prefer….
- a) Something kinky yet elegant
- b) Anything by Brooks Brothers
- c) Pajamas
- d) A surplice and miter
8. I would feel secure knowing that I had….
- a) Enough money
- b) A good alarm system
- c) A big dog
- d) A union contract
- e) The Swiss Guard
9. When annoyed at myself for taking it too easy I ….
- a) Go on a low-carbohydrate diet
- b) Read
- c) Swim forty laps
- d) Chop firewood
- e) Wash the feet of the poor
Test 2
You want to be an absolute Political Dictator
This job requires stamina, drive, and an iron will. Not recommended for the shy type.
- My greatest fear is….
- a) Meeting new people
- b) Heights
- c) Snakes
- d) The dark
- e) A coup d’etat
2. On a lazy Sunday afternoon I most enjoy…
- a) Cooking
- b) Experimenting with makeup
- c) Going to a museum
- d) Just lounging around the house
- e) Exiling people
3. I think people look best in….
- a) Formal attire
- b) Bathing suits
- c) Clothes that reflect their life-style
- d) Bermuda shorts
- e) Prison uniform
4. When confronted by a large crowd of strangers my immediate reaction is to ….
- a) Introduce myself to anyone who looks interesting
- b) Wait for them to speak to me first
- c) Sit in a corner and sulk
- d) Start a purge
5. The proper manner in which to respond to a chance meeting with me is by…
- a) Smiling
- b) Nodding
- c) Saying hello
- d) Giving me a little kiss
- e) Saluting
6. When someone disagrees with me my first instinct is….
- a) Try to understand his point of view
- b) Call my Bull mastiff
- c) Discuss it calmly and rationally
- d) Cry
- e) Have him executed
7. Nothing builds character like…
- a) Boy scouts
- b) The gym
- c)Sunday school
- d) Cold Showers
- e) Forced labor
Test 3
Or, you simply want to get promoted
This is undoubtedly not the easiest to crack. It also may have negative side effects upon others who want the same position so good luck.
- When alone I most often….
- a) Read
- b) Watch television
- c) Write sonnets
- d) Build model planes
- e) Go out with my boss all dressed up or mingle at every party he throws
- f) Do yard work (preferably mow lawn) for my boss
2. Were a female friend to say something particularly amusing to the boss I would most likely….
- a) Say, “Hey, that was really funny.”
- b) Laugh delightedly
- c) giggle uncontrollably
- d) Poison her
3. When the phone rings in your office I am most likely to answer by saying…
- a) “Hello, how are you?”
- b) “Oh, hello.”
- c) “Hi.”
- d) “Oh, hi, I was just reading one of Wolfgang’s last speeches and all of his reports ever written and think it is amazing what he has done!”
4. If my house or apartment was on fire the first thing I would save would be …
- a) My son.
- b) My cat
- c) My boyfriend
- d) Everything related to work
5. I consider dining out to be…..
- a) A pleasure
- b) A nice change
- c) An opportunity to see friends
- d) A romantic interlude
- e) A guranteed promotion when it is with candle light at my boss’s apartment
6. My idea of a good party is….
- a) A big gig with lots of liquor and lots of action
- b) Good talk, good food, good wine
- c) A few close friends for dinner
- d) Wherever upper management hangs out
7. If I were stranded alone on a desert island and could have only one book I would want …
- a) The Bible
- b) The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
- c) Allen Ginsberg
- d) My boss’s to-do lists
8. Some of my best friends are…..
- a) Women
- b) Men
- c) Kids
- d) Bosses, Chiefs, CEOs and bosses bosses
