.There was this Plan.

I learned yesterday the difference between three forms of actions: actions to fix, actions to win, and actions to learn. The former two are kind of the same thing in my opinion — you listen to have ammunition to make a case to be listened to. When you listen to learn I think it means your personal agenda is less relevant. In my opinion, it should be always “listen to learn” and a more humble pursuit. Oh, I deleted my Facebook account. People who want to get in touch will know how to.

All this aside: There was this plan. Then life had other ideas. I never felt comfortable with too much change at once. I cling to my routines, always wanting to be sure of what comes next. I do not resist risk wholeheartedly but I am careful. I guess it is not surprising that my choices fall safely within my comfort zone and my life unfolds as predictable as I can plan it.

But it wasn’t always like that. In fact, there were times in my life when I said yes to everything even though it felt weird and wrong. And surely enough, slowly everything fell apart, seemingly out of nowhere (didn’t pay attention to the signs), and all at once, I found myself with a broken marriage, and no job. It felt like a heavy rock had dropped right on top of my chest and left me gasping for air. I tried to ignore what was happening and pretended that nothing was wrong, but this was impossible. Then I became desperate to figure out how to fix everything, but I didn’t even know where to start. So I wrote, and writing became my coping mechanism. I started to find a sense of self as well as a sense of humor about life; with time, my persistance to change softened. I began to examine my feelings of discomfort, feelings I hadn’t been willing to look at before. In doing so, I discovered that I was able to handle difficult emotions and didn’t need to push them away anymore. Being open, no matter how uncomfortable that might be, has allowed me to grow and made my life richer and more complete.

I used to have a plan. Then this pandemic happened. Now I don’t, not really, anyway. My life may be messier than it used to be, but I have never been clearer and happier about who I am and what I want to create. This article goes out to everyone who feels they have been turned upside down and are trying to find the right way up again. I hope, this offers you comfort. Please remember, this being human business is hard work.

  • Take a break. Breathe and say: hello world, I will be right back.
  • Keep in mind: Everything can change in an instant.
  • Just lie down for a little while. Look at the ceiling and not your phone.
  • Sometimes things have to fall apart so they can fall together.
  • Dear pain, thank you for stopping me dead in my tracks and showing me what is really important. It has been educational, but you can go now. Sincerely, me.
  • The painful times, the ones we think will bury us are often the exact ones that open us up.
  • Some days are harder than others and it is okay that you are not okay.
  • You are allowed to take your time.
  • It is okay to check out for a while, just remember to check back in.
  • Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.
  • Like the moon, we go through phases of being full and we go through phases of being hidden.

But how to stay positive when all you want to do is be negative?

  • Start with one small positive thought.
  • Some of our greatest battles are with ourselves.
  • Ask more questions.
  • You don’t have to figure it all out at once.
  • Sometimes just need to sit still and breathe.
  • Know that this too shall pass.
  • The only way out is through. And this is the part where you find out who you are.
  • Start over again. Start over again. Start over again. Keep it up.
  • Surrender. Get out of your own way. Seriously, move.
  • Unpack your feelings. If it comes let it. If it goes let it.
  • Let go to realize there was nothing there to hold on to.
  • Grow through what you go through.
  • On the other side of fear is freedom.
  • Roll with the punches. But don’t forget to fly.
  • Remember, life changes.
  • Respect where you are. It is not all bad.
  • Stay hopeful. Hope helps and eventually, everything connects.

I have no idea where I am going, but I am on my way.

Stay happy. Stay sane.

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