.Hold it Through the Curves.

Yay! Another lockdown is around the corner and I am tired of it. Really tired of it. Even though I see this virus with different eyes now because I caught it three weeks ago but these lockdowns make no sense to me at all anymore. I rocked through all the symtpoms more or less okay and besides being tired and a bit weak everything is fine again. When I hit rock-bottom I came up with this “get-me-sane-through-another-lockdown” list to cheer myself up. It worked.

  • Compliment others.
  • Take a compliment without justifying anything.
  • When a guest says your meat loaf looks like a giant fotball, don’t tell them that their partner is obviously gay.
  • Don’t bite your cuticles. Even when nervous.
  • Invest in quality clothing. Rather less quality items than too much cheap stuff.
  • If your white shirt has sweat stains, throw it away.
  • Take care of yourself. Don’t stink. Take showers. Get medical check-ups.
  • Rest when you are sick.
  • Get your teeth cleaned.
  • Read.
  • Join a book club. Join two.
  • Don’t tell your friends with kids that if they die, you will take care of their kids.
  • If you don’t like something someone says, say: “That’s interesting…..”
  • If you like something someone says, say: “That’s interesting!”
  • Don’t complain about your interior/exterior designers and how they messed up your 45,000 Euro kitchen or your garden design for 140,000 Euro.
  • Give flight attendants your full attention during their in-case-of-emergency take off routines. Show respect.
  • Engage strangers while waiting in line.
  • Don’t reprimand people who call you sweetheart.
  • Accept it: you are too old to drink more than two glasses of wine and sleep comfortably through the night.
  • Enjoy when bouncers still ask you for your ID.
  • When your partner is in the bathroom, don’t knock on or talk to them through the closed bathroom door.
  • When a person doesn’t get your reference, don’t repeat, “Oh, just kiss my ass!” with the hope that they will.
  • Listen to erotic audiobook when you scrub the bathroom floor and gangsta rap while cleaning the windows.
  • Don’t worry about anything too much or too long.
  • Get involved in a holistic, healthy lifestyle and ask me how to get started.
  • Quit smoking.
  • Ask your friend who is a shrink if you should see a shrink.
  • Look at yourself in the mirror. It is you. Smile.
  • Don’t use face-filter apps on social media. Or ever.
  • You are unhappy in your relationship? Change. Stop complaining.
  • Make love to your partner. If this doesn’t sound like a good idea, figure out why not. Then change.
  • Clean your apartment/house like you have never cleaned an apartment/house before.
  • Consider that step of buying a house instead of renting.
  • Learn that life is more fun when you are loose.
  • Take Pilates, hot Yoga, and give yourself a hug.
  • No need to wear Lululemon Yoga pants for 150 Euro.
  • Don’t say “you are busy” or “you are working on something” or “you have poor internet connection” if you just don’t want to talk to someone.
  • Rather buy from an independent bookstore than the big “A”.
  • Make love to your partner when they say, “It is your money. Do whatever you want with it.”
  • Make love to your partner when they say, “I will cook dinner tonight, do the laundry, run you a hot bath while I take the kids to bed. Do you want a glass of wine and some dark chocolate?”
  • Don’t lie. Obviously.
  • Develop a signature look which says: I have good taste. I am clean. I am confident. You can trust me. People will know and feel if you are fake!
  • Don’t get lonely when your partner is not around.
  • There is nothing wrong with having nice things but don’t get in crazy debt.
  • Learn how to fix things in the house.
  • Don’t be lazy. Don’t cut corners. Don’t slack. Don’t infringe. Don’t be a slob.
  • Listen to others. Stay calm.
  • Oh, in case you forgot: Stop complaining.
  • Be part of the solution, not the problem.
  • If someone moves to make room for you, take up more room.
  • If someone sneezes or coughs, run.
  • If you don’t want someone to leave, sit on their suitcase.
  • Even though you can take care of yourself, it is okay to let someone be nice to you.
  • It is fine to take a nap on the laundry.
  • If you stand in the kitchen long enough, someone will feed you.
  • Just because it is gorgeous outside doesn’t mean you have to go outside.
  • Just because you can fit into something tight doesn’t mean you should.
  • If you want to be left alone, say so.
  • If you want to surprise someone, lie in a bathtub and then jerk back the curtains when they sit on the toilet.
  • Eat cheese with the refrigerator door open so it counts as a light snack and not a three-thousand-calories-cry for help.
  • Clean your bedside table from empty mugs and wineglasses, and any ChapStick-rimmed glass of stale water with cat hair floating in it. Wait, you don’t even have a cat.
  • Make a cup of tea that’s a thousand degrees too hot and forget to drink it until it is cold.
  • Say that you are going to go for a walk in the crisp, cold air on a Saturday morning and then it suddenly being nighttime without you even having put on pants.

Sounds good to you? Then we are compatible. Stay happy. Stay healthy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.