Artwork by Shannon Cartier Lucy (a painting of hers will be displayed on the cover of my new book; stay tuned!) “Your writing is not thaaaaat good because it is waaaaay to satirical,” someone said to me a while ago. But instead of crying myself…
*4-Year-Old’s Workday. 8:55 a.m. Arrive at office. Hang jacket on sunshine-shaped hook with name on it. Put snack in cubbyhole. Sing “Good Morning” song with co-workers. Tackle a Sudoku. Google “Best Toy Stores in Vienna” to see what’s new on the market. 9:04 a.m. Forward hilarious e-mail…
Me, unsuccessfully looking for money in a stream on a private property. “Look, the Money is in my Account… aaaaand it’s Gone Already”… This is a sentence a colleague said the other day when it was payday. I thought it was so funny because she…
First, let me start by saying that I’m perfectly aware that you can make the impossible possible by taking away the “im.” I’m way ahead of you on that one. So let’s all just know that we both thought of that joke but I made…
Let’s just get something straight, right off the bat. By reading this, you, as a human or a super-advanced future dog, are not going to learn how to actually fly. That’s just impossible. Do you have wings? No. Is your butt a jet pack? It…
Hey there, I’m Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I know things look bad for me right now, but I’m gonna be back in a few days, and when I return, I want all the eggs hidden. And I want the eggs to have candy…
Helllllooooo, my darlings! How are you holding up? Are you enjoying the long spring twilight? Kissing the whiskery faces of your pets and friends? Noticing the bright golden green of the April willows? I know you are. Here we are, in our bodies, in the world, listening to music and loving each other.
Wow, you made it through kindergarten; what an accomplishment. Let’s throw a party and make you feel special—you deserve it after all you’ve been through. Those were challenging times, learning to figure out the system that you will be subjected to for the rest of…
Don’t get married before you live together. You just never know what the other person will be like to live with, and you need to figure that out before marriage. Definitely don’t tie the knot until you’ve traveled together. You absolutely have to find out…
It feels like there is a collective shift happening. Spring is around the corner. Everything changes. Spring cleaning and decluttering is always something I am looking forward to. So, who wants to join me in extending that energy to our consumption habits as a whole?…